Controling Your Own Destiny

Yesterday, I decided to take the reins and take (some) control of where my budget is headed. I searched the job postings on the Internet, brushed up my resume and cover letter ... and applied for two jobs.

I have always said that the best way to appreciate the job that you have, is to actively seek a new one.

I read through the lists of responsibilities and qualifications. It was somewhat daunting. It is hard to think of the reality of stepping out of my comfort zone (home) of the past 12 years, back to the world of full-time work and hours that are dictated, learning a new job and working within a group of people I don't know ...

I bravely hit the "Send" button on the job that I could apply for online and I hand delivered my second resume.

I talked to the person who would be in charge of hiring when I dropped off my resume. Not an interview - just a conversation. I went into my auto pilot mode where I 'am who I am'. I didn't underplay or overplay myself. I have a good, solid foundation of knowledge, I learn quickly and I work hard. But there will be a learning curve.

Do I really want to hear back from these employers?

Part of me is up to the challenge of seeking out new horizons. I need the hands on experience that working in an office can provide. One job is part time (which would be ideal because then I could still juggle the jobs that I currently have). The other job is full time and it would be a huge undertaking.

But 'what if' I was offered the full time job? 'What if' the pay, the benefits, the guaranteed holidays and a stable pay cheque made me waver in my resolve to work from home and have the flexibility to make my own hours? 'What if' ...

I know that if my current pay cheque was stable and reliable, I wouldn't even be looking. Maybe all I need is another 'offer on the table' to resell myself to my current employer and regain some financial security.

I have been treated very well by my current employer. No matter what, it is my intent to keep working for them in whatever capacity I can (if I was to get another job offer).

What do I need? I need financial stability.

What do I want? I want to work from home and to have the ability to have flexibility in my work schedule, so that I am not 'all work and no play'.

What can I do to control my own destiny? I can explore other options. I can talk honestly with my current employer. I can continue to look for other work that I can do from my home. I can send out my resume and see what happens.

I've tossed the dice. They just haven't stopped rolling yet. I had to do something. If only, to spur me into to fighting for what I already have, and making it work for me.

Yes ... there is no better way to appreciate what you have, than to take the initiative to make a change. Whether it is a struggling relationship, a change of jobs, buying a new house or packing up and leaving everything behind ... is it better to work with what you already have? Or is it better to sacrifice it all and start anew?

Starting fresh sounds good ... but I know that I love the sense of security that 'history' provides. I needed to do something to fight for what I need. I've taken one step. Now, I just have to take another ...

I may not be in control of my destiny, but I can open a few doors and see where they lead.