I Found Him!

July 29, 2010 - Quote from my own blog "I Love Being Single"

"Until I find a man who equally enjoys sprawling himself diagonally over the bottom half of the bed, I'm simply enjoying the 'state of being single'!"
 
I woke up this morning completely turned around in my bed. I was laying almost horizontally across the top of my bed. The alarm clock was no where near where I expected it to be.
 
When I finally dragged myself out of bed, I saw why I had assumed that particular position. Our (not even) 10 pound cat had all 26 inches of him (from the tip of his head to the end of his extended tail) sprawled out and perfectly positioned smack dab in the middle of my bed.
 
I laughed to myself when I immediately remembered my wish (quoted above). I have found 'my man' ... I've had what I've wanted all along!

Quiet

It's a rare thing. But every once in a while ... I am quiet.

I've become a chatty little thing. I chatter incessantly.

If I'm happy, the words fall out of me with abandon. If I'm upset, I speak the words in my head to stop the unending cycle of repetitive thoughts in my mind. If I'm angry, I vent. If I'm frustrated, I tend to verbalize a lot until the mystery of my mind is solved. If I'm bored, I talk. If I'm lonely, I look for someone to visit. If I'm feeling sociable, the words are unending. Then, when I'm tired ... I sleep.

But every once in a blue moon ... I am quiet. I had such a day last week.

My Second Son was perplexed. I always talk. But this day? He asked me a question and I answered in as few words as possible. He asked what was wrong. My reply? "I just feel quiet today. It happens."

He was on to a little more than I let on. But talking wasn't the answer that day.

I simply didn't feel 'myself'. And I had little desire to encourage that behaviour by bringing it out of the closet and talking about it.

I felt uncertain and a little bit lost at that moment. Just little things. Wishing I knew all of the answers. Angry at myself for losing my momentum - my motivation. I felt uninspired and lazy. Overwhelmed at some of the projects I have taken on. But mostly frustrated with myself. Nothing and no one else. Just me.

I didn't want a pep talk from an outside source to get me through the moment. I knew it had to come from within.

So I was quiet.

I woke up yesterday morning and I felt revived again. Ready to start the process of taking the necessary steps to move in a forward direction.

I sat still with my coffee and this empty blog before me this morning and felt a little bit of what I was feeling last week. I just wanted to curl up in a little ball (like our cat), bury my head in my hands and be invisible. And quiet.

That isn't the answer. It's a brand new week and even if I don't feel up to running a marathon this week, I can keep taking small, consistent and steps to propel me forward. Out of the quiet and into the real world.

We all need to be quiet with ourselves every now and again. I find a sense of being reborn after pushing through times of insecurity and doubt. The key is to keep taking forward steps. They may be small. They may not get you to your destination as fast as you wish. But as long as you are taking steps in a forward direction, you will move out of the 'quiet' and back towards the light ... and the life you aspire to live.

Perfect Days

Sunday is my favorite day of the week!

This morning, I awoke with an agenda. The first time I've had 'an agenda' for quite a while. Sunday or not ... I had to accomplish something with the day.

I succeeded.

From 6:00 until 10:30 a.m., I was busy doing and accomplishing tasks that I had set out before me. I had just showered and gotten 'prettied up' for the day when the phone rang. And it just never stopped!

A call from my mom. A call to go to work. A call to meet a good friend (pseudo-cousin) for coffee. Another call from my other job. A call to go out for supper (this must be the end of my 'birthday treats' that have been ongoing since October 2nd!!!). And emails ...

I had a nice visit with my mom. I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with my cousin/friend that I haven't had an opportunity to visit with for years (and years!). It felt good to put in some work-hours (and much appreciated by my boss). Unfortunately, I couldn't be at all places at all times, so I must go out tomorrow morning to pick up my work from my other boss. And the day ended with a most enjoyable birthday supper with two out of three of My Sons.

It was an ideal balance of work, play, family and friendship. Perfect!!

What a most wonderful way to kick-start a bright and shiny new week.

The Flip Side of Facebook

Facebook, texting, tweeting and all the rest of the massive ways we have to instantly communicate these days have certainly been getting a bad rap lately. It's unfortunate that a select few take a good thing and turn it into something negative.

The whole reason Facebook came to be so popular is because people want to stay connected to those who live somewhere else ... who have drifted through a person's life ... and you don't want to close the door on what could be a long lasting friendship.

Or at least that is why I enjoy Facebook.

Yesterday afternoon, a brief message from a friend from 'a lifetime ago' ended up being a correspondence that volleyed back and forth between us throughout the afternoon and early evening. Then I woke up to one final message from this friend this morning.

We caught up (as much as one can, when you are trying to be brief with your words) on each other's life ... but what was so incredibly special was to hear a voice from the past come across through the words chosen to tell the story of 'them'.

Old memories, happy thoughts, laughter and the essence of this friend from long ago came back to me as we messaged back and forth.

That ... is what Facebook is all about. Finding ways to stay connected to those who have impacted your life.

I embrace any opportunity that I find, to help me keep in touch with family and friends. It was a most wonderful visit with an old friend ... and I look forward to many more.

Photos to Keep Me Humble

There is nothing like candid photos from a surprise party to keep a person humble:

Lesson #1

Don't accentuate the "th" in words when cameras are around!

(There is a story behind this expression ... and I can almost guarantee you that I'm making this face to my mom!! It's no wonder she gets annoyed with me from time to time .....)

Lesson #2

Never, NEVER put tanning lotion on your face!!!! Ugh!!

Lesson #3

''Always'' wear gold lamé and bling ... it takes away from the stupid expressions on your face!

Sigh ...

I started yesterday by taking a "Real Age" test ... to see how my biological age compared to my calendar age. It seemed like a fitting way to start the 50th year of my life.

The last time I took this test, my biological age was far younger than my calendar age. I assumed that this would be the case once again and I would carry on my merry little way, continuing to live my life as I have been living it.

I took the test and eagerly awaited the final tally. Da ... da ... da .... DAH!! Then it was there before me. My biological age was 49.7!

I redid the test, making healthier food and exercise choices and assumed it would drop the age by a decade. Once again, I eagerly anticipated the revised age if I revised my diet and activity routine. The age 46.5 flashed before me. Three years? That's all?!??

So ... I then proceeded to eat my way through the remains of last weekend's party food. The chips and ice cream cake are gone. My supper was Triscuits (black pepper and olive oil .... my newest flavor sensation!!) with cheese and pickles. I came home after dancing and ate a piece of cheesecake and 'vegetable crinkle chips' until my stomach hurt.

Take that, 'Real Age'!!! If you knew the foods that I was consuming that fell in between the cracks of what you asked ... I am frightened to know how 'old' you would say my biological age is.

This morning I'm still suffering a vegetable crinkle chip hangover. I'm nursing it with coffee and it's not going so well.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I wonder what decisions I will make today, to make the rest of my life full of health and good cheer.

Pushing Through

Sometimes it's easier when there is no choice in the matter.

When you have a predetermined work schedule and you must be at a defined place at a set time ... you do it. You may not want to do it. But you do. Approximately eight hours later ... your work day is done. Complete. Over.

Appointments. You are told where to be and what time. You simply follow the instructions. It may not be ideal, but you do what has to be done. You work around it.

Then there is the housework. It's amazing that a person can get the job done if there is a reason to do it. When I know I have company coming, I have the desire, drive and endurance to simply do the work (you've gotta love 'surprise parties' ... a most excellent excuse to skip the housecleaning and go straight to the fun!).

Cooking. Oh my gosh. Cooking. Cooking is my nemesis. Survival cooking is what I do best. Yet, when my heart is in it, I can produce a meal that is not only edible ... but is actually tasty as well (trust me, that has not been the case in the past few months).

The act of cooking starts to blur the line. It is necessary and required. Yet ... there is an artistic and creative flair that pushes the limits. I can pull out a frozen entree, cook it, place it on the table and it is consumed. We survive. But when I actually take the time to choose a menu, cook from scratch and orchestrate a meal so that flavors, textures and colors are part of the process ... something changes.

There is nothing more mouth watering than the aroma of your favorite food cooking. The old fashioned way - in the oven. Fast food, microwave entrees, quick frozen-to-table food doesn't give your taste buds an opportunity to anticipate the meal.

Utilizing your creativity and passion is something that doesn't happen on demand (at least not for me). I write when the spirit moves me (which is normally first thing in the morning). I come up with creative little projects one small piece at a time ... and one day it all seems to come together. If I push the creative process, it shows. It looks/reads/'smells' as bad as a meal I cook under duress.

These past days have been heavenly.

Day #1 - My definition of a most perfect day! I did what was required to do. I ran errands, went to my Bellyfit class and put in a four hour work day before I participated in a fun dance event and outing ... then a completely and totally unexpected surprise party awaited me upon my return home.

Day #2 - breakfast with my family who had travelled and gone out of their way to all be part of this celebration. I didn't waste the mood on housework, errands or bookkeeping after they left. I sat still with my memories and followed the flow of the day. The creative juices were beginning to flow.

Day #3 - back to work. As luck would have it, I was required to go to work and then wait for my boss to attend a meeting and return with more work. I didn't have enough work to keep me occupied. So I grabbed some paper and a pen ... and I wrote. Thank-you notes started flowing from my fingertips with ease. The words came easily. All I had to do was write. So I did.

Day #4 - ended up revolving around a project that I was doing for a friend. A project that I was trying to squeeze into the time available. Evenings and weekends. A project that required creativity and forethought. A project with a deadline.

I forced my way through this project. Just to get it started. My next attempt added some small touches that helped. It wasn't until I started getting feedback that the creative juices started to flow. And when they did, I simply couldn't stop the momentum to put in a 'required' work day.

I can push my way through numbers, deadlines and necessities of my job(s). I can't push my way through writing or putting together something that has some feeling behind it.

When the creative juices flow, I love to be able to follow the current and go with it.

That is what I have done this week.

Now, I simply must push through and do the work.