Expiry Dates Are For Wimps

I'm cheap. When it comes to food, I am the queen of thriftiness. If it's edible, you don't throw it out.

If it is perishable, it must be consumed before it becomes unfit for human consumption. If it's canned or frozen, it lasts 'forever' (in my mind). Best before dates are to be taken seriously only if you are purchasing chips from a store where the stock doesn't move readily. Expiry dates? They are kind of like those 'speed' signs that don't have the word ''Max'' preceding the speed limit. It's only a recommendation. Not punishable by law.

Meals are planned according to what must be consumed. Leftovers are not wasted. If no one else will eat them, I do. If something doesn't look like it will be consumed before it goes bad, I freeze it. Rule #364 - anything in the deep freeze lasts 'forever'.

It is commonplace to find upside down bottles of ketchup, salad dressing, syrup (anything in semi liquid form) upside down in our home. When I say it's good to the last drop, I mean use every last drop. This rule applies to non-food items as well. Shampoo and liquid detergent/laundry soap? Add water to an 'empty' bottle and you'll be amazed how many more uses you can squeeze out of it. Lotions/liquid make up? Slice the tube in half and there is at least another week's supply.

In housecleaning my cupboards and pantry this week, I found evidence of my frugalness at every turn. Half used pre-mixed seasoning packages for fajitas, chicken and various others(carefully rolled up and 'sealed' with a piece of tape to preserve their freshness). I collected the excess of unopened non-perishables amassed during my daycare days and they are enroute to our local food bank.

But even I questioned a half consumed box of Special K (purchased at the time there was a free step counter in each box). There were dehydrated strawberries in there so perhaps there may be a purpose for a 'best before' date this time. Sure enough. I checked and found the date "MA 2005". That box had to be at least 6 years old. I admitted defeat and tossed the contents and recycled the box.

Last night, my Second Son asked if I had bought any more sour cream. You would have thought that he was some sort of war hero, the way he proudly declared that he used the last of the expired sour cream. Rule #563 ... sour cream is already sour, right? So unless it is green and fuzzy, I use sour cream beyond the recommended time frames.

But since my son didn't write 'sour cream' on our grocery list, I didn't know it needed to be replaced. Due to Rule #563, I never stock pile sour cream. It is bought on a must-need basis. So we defaulted to Rule #594 ... improvise.

Me: "How about some salad dressing instead?"
He: "Sure ... do we have ranch?"
Me: "Probably not ..."
He: "Ha! Now you have to eat those words. Did you write it on the list when you used the last of it??"
Me: "No. We have too many salad dressings, so I'm not replacing those that run out, until we use the excess in the fridge ... is there any in the downstairs fridge?" (from when he moved home last December).

My Second Son came upstairs with a handful of salad dressings and was headed towards the garbage.

He: "They are expired."
Me: (Sound of disbelief) "Salad dressings don't expire ... what kinds do you have?"
He: "Jalapeno ranch ..."
Me: "Perfect!! I'll use that."
He: "But it's expired. Look at the sides."

I opened the bottle and no green, fuzzy stuff was on the lid. I checked the expiry date - "JUN 24 2009". Heck, it's still in it's infanthood! So I proceeded to shake the bottle (no more funny film on the sides) and poured it sparingly over my quesadillas, with salsa.

He: "Don't come running to me when your stomach feels funny later ... when I ate the last of that expired sour cream, my stomach didn't feel so good later. Honest!"

My reply? "Expiry dates are for wimps!"

P.S. Between my Baking 101 post and this one, no one is ever going to ask me to bring anything to a potluck ever again (my work here is done).