An often forwarded email that talks of the people that cross through your life's path, came to mind this morning as I was thinking of the 'heroes' in some of the blogs that I have been following lately ...
It all started with an Oprah episode when I heard Matt Logelin's story. I was in awe of the strength that it took for him to carry on after the loss of his wife (she died unexpectedly within a day of their daughter being born). His blog chronicles their story before the birth of their daughter and the 15 months (to date) afterwards.
Then, through reading Matt's blog, I found another story of the loss of 'Maddy'. Maddy was born 11 weeks premature, spent 68 days in the neonatal unit and although her prematurity left her lungs scarred, she made a vibrant imprint on everyone she touched in her world. She died unexpectedly this past April, just short of reaching her 17 month birthday. Her parent's survival story and the glorious moments of Maddy's life are all chronicled in their blogs. It is such a tribute to their daughter, to read these precious words.
Through Maddy's story, I clicked on another blog - Maddy's mother's 'partner in suck'. Gorillabuns is another story of loss. This blog is written very honestly and to the point. This mom is hurting beyond words and she doesn't censor her thoughts. Her 3 1/2 month old son died unexpectedly. There was little explanation or understanding of why he died - but the 'official' cause of death from the Medical Examiner was "unknown cause by a combination of Bronchitis and positioning of the body."
As I have been quietly and anonymously following the lives of these families, I have questioned why I am so wrapped up in the lives of people that I don't even know.
I believe much has to do with the reality that life is precious. A person's life can change in a heart beat and it is totally out of our control. Even in the chaos of every day living and all the frustrations of parenting and living ... there are small blessings. We just never know when life as we know it may change.
I work with children all day, every day. Their parents are young and many families are 'expanding' before my very eyes. Every pregnancy is a blessing and there are always risks involved. No one is immune to loss or the fear of losing what is precious. Reading the blogs of these young parents keeps me sensitive and 'young' enough to appreciate what the parents I work for, are going through.
Every day heroes inspire me. It takes a lot of courage to face the day no matter who you are. Some of us have higher mountains to climb. I read how these parents are facing their own personal 'mountain' and my heart goes out to them. I can feel their pain, mourn their loss, cherish the stories they tell and I silently cheer them on to the next day.
The risk of blogging one's thoughts is that you are putting your words out for the 'world' to see. As I scan through the many comments that are made on these various blog posts, it warms my heart to read the support, love and empathetic words of comfort from the hundreds of comments that are made to these parents.
This morning, I read a comment on one of these blogs that must have cut to the quick of the mother who wrote the blog. This mother writes what she feels and her words are raw with the pain that she is feeling. As I feel the impact her words make on me, I am glad that she is finding an outlet for her grief. She is being honest. She is hurting beyond anything that I can even imagine. I don't know how many positive words it will take, to offset that one negative comment, 'judging' her.
It is from that comment and this mother's reaction to it, that I found myself full of words this morning about these families. And my words to these parents are this:
There is a reason that the one you have lost, came into your life. You learned so much from this loved one, you laughed, you loved, you cherished and they brought you to life. Your life will never be the same because of this person. They are forever imprinted in your heart and your memory.
They remained in your life for only a season. You lost them far too soon. Your life with them was just beginning. The best was yet to come. But ... you made the most of the time you had. You wrote about them, you photographed them, you made memories together. As the pain begins to ebb, the memories will remain.
You will keep their memory in your heart for your lifetime. A song, a place, a smell, an anniversary, an event and others that touch your life will continue to twig those memories forever. As time goes on, so will the memories. You will keep on living ... and so will the one you loved. Forever in your heart.
How can I even begin to understand the pain and the grieving process when I haven't personally experienced it? I can't. But through the words written by these survivors, I am learning lessons that I will have to put to use. One day.
Until that day, I shall remember just how precious life is. I will make memories and I will document them so that as time elapses and the memory fades, I will have those memories close by. In my heart forever.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Thank you for such a beautiful post. I know that I SHOULD censor my words and not be so blunt but it's how i feel. Thalon's death has hurt me beyond anything else I've ever experienced. The 200 comments of love and support have seemed to be negated by one woman's insensitivity to the situation.
ReplyDeleteI want to scream and yell and say by "body positioning" doesn't mean smothering. My child didn't smother. He had RSV at 7 weeks that weakened his lungs and then became sick the week he died. I took him to the doctor the day before and did everything I could do to keep him comfortable, safe and loved. I had him on my chest for hours before I put him on his back to go to the bathroom and make lunch for my girls. 20 minutes later, he was on his stomach and dead. of course guilt courses through my veins every day but there was simply nothing i could do to make my child to continue to breath on his own.
I do feel like i've been crucified for something I had nothing to do with. if i had left him in his swing, i would have been called out for this too. If i had left him in his crib/bassinet, i would have been called out on this because, how could i leave a sick child alone because he was sick?
the guilt i feel will live with me forever. having a woman, whom i know has gone through some horrible things herself, doesn't ease my guilt.
i wonder what kind of end she would have been statisfied with in my response?
Me killing myself? would this have been justice in her eyes? because her comments did just that, killed another part of me.
thank you for all of your kindness.
It touches my heart that you took the time to not only read my words but respond to them.
ReplyDeleteI wish we could 'delete' the negative from our life just as easily as one can physically 'delete' a negative comment from a blog.
Life simply isn't fair. But this one negative comment among all of the positive ones has hopefully taught a lot of other people to be gentle with their words.
You are right. No matter what you did or didn't do, people would have an opinion. You must continue to be kind to yourself - you did as much as you could possibly do (and probably more than a lot of people would do) in the same situation.
My heart truly goes out to you.
Great post...I, too, am finding myself wondering why/how I got so wrapped up in a couple blogs. It's very interesting, I've never been like this before. There is something about these tragedies that makes me want to know more. I so hope for eventual healing for everyone. Thanks for writing.
ReplyDeleteColleen, this was a beautiful post, one I wish I could have written myself. I, too, have found myself immersed in Shana and Heather's blogs, checking daily for updates just to make sure they are "ok" (whatever that might mean these days). I find myself in awe at their ability to express their grief so openly and so uniquely. It's incredible how they have touched so many lives.
ReplyDelete