Looking Beyond the Pain

In my 'previous life', I seemed to find friendships based on mutual suffering. Few of those 21+ year old friendships survived the transition into my 'new life' but one special friendship comes to mind that survived the good, the bad and the ugly ...

It's not a friendship based only happy times or times of suffering. It is a friendship based on who we are. We've seen each other through the the best of times and the worst of times. We speak the same language. We don't hold onto the pain ... but we talk about it, confront it, take what we can learn from it and carry on. We reflect on past experiences and we can see the positive things that we salvaged from a negative experience. We realize and accept the fact that we wouldn't be where and who we are today, if we hadn't travelled the road we were on. We've each had our moments of anger and bitterness. We lived through the emotion, embraced it as long as we had to ... but in the end, we searched for the lesson we needed to learn. We retained the lesson but learned to let go of the pain.

As I think of all of the positive friendships/relationships that I have made in my 'new life', they all embrace this same concept.

I have empathy for people who are experiencing and have experienced a rough patch in life. Every one has them. Some are more vocal about it than others, but no one goes through life unchallenged in some way.

I listen, I empathize, I try to look for one morsel of good within a bad situation. I think it is good to try to get a glimpse beyond the worst moment that a person is enduring. Sometimes a person is in a position to hear it, sometimes they aren't.

In a lot of cases, there is one small step that a person can take. A baby step perhaps, but one step in a forward direction can help a person regain the feeling of taking control in an out of control situation. Once you take the first step, the second is usually easier ...

What I find most frustrating of all, is a person perpetually focusing on the negative or placing the blame on people/circumstances beyond their control. They are wasting their energy on excuses and not looking for a solution.

The solution may be a thousand steps away and taking only one small step feels inconsequential. So they take no action. They are paralyzed with fear, feeling overwhelmed and inadequate ... and taking a step in a different direction, takes them one step away from where they are at. Sometimes they are simply not ready. They stew and continue to stay stuck instead of taking one step in a new direction.

The best way to ensure repeating mistakes of the past, is to continue reacting to them in the same way. Or ... do nothing.

Look to where you want to be in life. Step out of the pain and move ahead.