Persistance

Well, my journey in trying to put a cap on this out of control weight gain is long and never ending ...

I honestly thought that I had it licked when I turned it into a math equation. Consume "X" amount of calories + burn "X" amount of calories = gradual weight loss. The equation is right, but my execution of the plan wasn't ideal.

I did well for several weeks, then I went on my first binge. I truly believe my binges are triggered by sugar. Once triggered, watch out. I'm on a full blown rampage.

Despite my bad food consumption days, I continued to exercise. In fact, I became more dedicated to burning those excessive calories I seemed powerless over consuming. I thought that even if I kept the fitness goal in mind, all is not lost.

I kept tracking my eating habits in my 'food journal', I kept my graph updated. I have 3 different lines on the same graph that track my calories consumed, calories burned and my weight.

I continued to make healthy grocery purchases. Even when I was on my binges, I was (usually - not always) consuming excess amounts of healthier and low calorie snacks. It was the quantity that was my problem.

I kept telling myself "tomorrow is a new day." I wouldn't let one day's failure take me off the course I was on. Then I would flip the page of my journal and think "it's a new page ... a clean slate ... try, try again."

All the while, I watched the lines on my graph. No matter how bad the calorie intake got, it rarely exceeded my previous eating habits. Things weren't perfect ... but they were better.

The other graph that encouraged me was the one that tracks my weight on the Wii Fit. I would not recommend weighing yourself daily. It is frightening and discouraging. But if you do ... make sure that you can look at a '3 month view' of your weight. I took another look at that this morning, and over the course of this calorie budgeting system my fluctuating weight has shifted downward one quadrant on their graph. I have definitely lost some of my recent weight and I have shifted myself to a new 'average' weight.

This week, I did a few things that I feel may be a turning point. I've said this before and I'm sure I'll say it again ... but this time, I truly feel like I'm onto a new way of thinking about food. I think.

#1 - I bought a 'Slim Fast' meal shake mix. On the can, it recommends having a Slim Fast shake for breakfast and lunch; have fruit for a morning and afternoon snack; add a salad with low fat dressing for lunch; eat a sensible, well balanced supper and have a light evening snack.

Hmmm ... I immediately had a Slim Fast shake for supper after I came home with my new found answer-to-all-of-my-problems. It suggested adding fruit, so I ended up recreating my morning smoothie plus the calories from the Slim Fast mix. This was not a good bargain in the calorie department (it sure tasted good though).

So I revised my plan for the next morning - I had my regular breakfast smoothie. I combine cranberry juice, a banana, frozen orange juice plus strawberries to my milk so it contains a fair amount of calories. But it jump starts my day and sustains me until lunch. If it's not broken, don't fix it.

I had a nectarine for my later morning snack; added only strawberries to the Slim Fast shake and salad for lunch; an apple for my afternoon snack and a divine supper of BBQ chicken, mixed vegetables and salad for supper; with strawberries and Cool Whip (just a bit) for dessert. I was totally satisfied and fulfilled in every way. My feet were killing me that evening, so after supper I sat still with my feet soaking in a bubbling/massaging foot spa that I purchased at a garage sale last weekend as I sipped on a cup of mint green tea as I read my book. Ahhh ... what a life! I felt so good, that I exercised for 2 hours after that. By the time I was ready for bed, I was totally satisfied. No need to gorge myself with food. I felt at peace with the day without my usual food rewards (though I did grab a 45 calorie fudgicle as I watched TV the last few minutes of my waking hours that day).

#2 - I have been devoted to my exercise plan - I work it in at some point during the day. It has taken up a lot of my time in the evenings this week, so it has done double duty by not only burning calories ... but preventing me from consuming a day's worth of calories after supper.

#3 - I sat down with my food journal and I itemized breakfast, lunch, supper and snacks that I enjoy (and are a good calorie bargain). I sat down and did the math. If I had my breakfast smoothie, the Slim Fast shake with fruit, plus a few fruit snacks during the day ... what choices did that leave me with for supper? I juggled the books. This is what I do best - juggling around a finite number amount and making it work.

I guess I needed to track my failures and successes to try and find what did and didn't work for me. I know these things:

- I am an emotional eater. I eat for a variety of reasons, all of which are triggered by something I'm feeling internally. None of my binges were triggered by hunger.

- I am a closet eater. If I'm around people, I don't need food. I could eat 1/2 of my regularly allotted calories and be perfectly content because I am being fulfilled with people in my life.

- Food is a reward for me. I remember this from my childhood, as I requested having deep fried french fries (and nothing else) for lunch to celebrate something good that had happened to me. The taste sensations of that one weekly trip to McDonald's on Sunday evening as we sat down and watched 'The Wonderful World of Disney' together. The special can of Pringles that was bought as a treat that was shared by the whole family as we watched a special on TV. I have taken that reward system to the excess.

- Sugar is a trigger. One taste of sugar sends me on a craving frenzy. Sugar makes me crave salt; salt makes me crave fatty foods; fatty foods make me crave pop; pop = sugar ... and on we go!

- I need to plan my meals. If I know ahead of time what I will be having for supper, I can put the cravings on hold so that I can appreciate my meal. There is something to be said for anticipating what is on the menu. It sets up your taste buds for something good and healthy and alleviates that desire to fill up on something instead of supper.

The most important lesson I've learned is to focus on what is working ... and persist. As my uncle just wrote to me, about something totally unrelated to weight (quoting my Grandma) ... "Rome wasn't built in a day" (and neither was this weight gain).

Onward!