It's Not What the World Can Do For You ...

"What has (_____) done for me?"

This was a question that was posed to me yesterday. Can I (with my rose colored glasses), find the positive point of view in someone else's life?

It's next to impossible to see the world the way another person sees it. I try. But I doubt that I succeed. I hope that I come close at times ... but other times, I'm sure that I fail miserably.

I go on and on about gratitude and all that I am thankful for. I wrote a poem one Christmas how the misfortune of our cat having fleas indirectly led to us getting new windows for our home.

I'm sure that a person from the outside, looking in wouldn't have found that thin trail of how one unfortunate event led to the next and the next ... that ultimately ended up being a blessing in disguise.

Why do so many good things happen to me? I suppose that I could also ask why so many bad things happen. I can't think of one occasion where something pretty awful didn't end up being another 'because my cat had fleas' kind of story.

When I walk with the 'current' of life and don't fight against the natural flow, it seems that doors open for me.

As I recounted the many things I was grateful for, as I said my final good-bye to my place of employment, I wondered why every person who worked for that organization couldn't say the same thing.

From the very moment that I was hired, I had the feeling this was meant to be. I had some very discouraging times during my first months at my new place of employment. I was 'broken' a few times. Tears were shed. I came from an employer where they knew me, my work and my reputation. In those first months with my new employer, I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle. But once the battle was won, it was much better.

Do I look back on those first months and dwell on them? Not a bit. I felt triumphant when I won over a supervisor who called me into his office rather regularly at first. I stood up for myself (with the help of a union rep) for the first time in my work career. It was uncomfortable. But I got over it. And I quietly smiled to myself as the years went on and I felt the respect that I had won from this particular supervisor.

I had a pretty rocky marriage that had the potential to bring me to my knees. I have some sort of survival instinct that kicks in when I sink too low. I got out of the marriage but I took many, many lessons along with me.

What did my ex teach me? Many things ... but one of those things was that I could go through a pregnancy and delivery on my own. It hurt like heck when he decided to go to work (he was never known for his work ethic or reliability) instead of being at the hospital when our second son was born. It wasn't one of my finer moments ... I had never felt so alone. But, it was a lesson I needed to learn when I found out that I was on my own with my third child. Not only could I have that baby without someone holding my hand ... but I could raise that child on my own, too. I actually wrote my ex a letter (which he never did receive) to thank him for that. He taught me what I needed to know for one of the future chapters in my life. Do I dwell on the fact that he wasn't there for me in many ways? Not for a moment. He taught me to be self reliant.

My marriage taught me many things. To value honesty and trust was huge. In the next relationship that I had in my life, honesty and trust was #1 on my list of things that I admired about my 'forever relationship'. When push came to shove, I trusted this man implicitly. No question. No matter how much our relationship faltered 'honesty and trust' were at the top of the list of reasons why I was a part of it.

Why did that relationship fail? The underlying reasons are many. Too subtle and too much a part of what we grew to be together, to put a finger on the 'one' reason we were struggling at the time. But why did it end? That one is simple. The honesty and trust factor plummeted to nil, after I found out that he had lied to me.

It broke my heart. A heart that I had guarded with my life and given to someone. That lie and the incidents around it knocked me to the ground.

But life went on. I pieced myself back together and came out of the whole scenario a new person. I rebuilt myself from the inside out. And while I am far from perfect ... I am happy in a way that I have never known before.

Would this have happened if I had stayed in that relationship? Not in a heartbeat. I was losing the battle of my self worth and I was becoming a shell of the person I could have been.

Today, I could hug the 'key players' of the incident that brought our relationship to a halt. I didn't know it at the time, but that one incident changed my life. For the better.

Am I grateful for each and every incident that have devastated me in my life? Beyond words. Some lessons in life are hard. But if you keep looking forward and follow the current of your life ... if you trust your inner voice and do what it tells you to do ... if you learn with each lesson life throws your way ... and are grateful for where you end up ... I think that one can find out how someone/some incident/some organization has impacted your life.

That 'someone' or 'something' has not done anything for you. It is the lessons you take from the path that you follow that is the gift.

Look within ...