Reflections

"Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. When tempted to criticize others, ask yourself why you feel so strongly." - Rules for Being Human

I have had a few conversations that resonated within me lately. As a rule, I let most things slide off my back. Different people have different perspectives and there is much to be learned from the fact. But when someone says something that I just can't let go of, I start to question why.

One such conversation was simply a phrase that was used. They were words that kept cycling my consciousness days after I heard the words. It was on 'day 3' that I began to question if I had said something to the same effect at one time. It was then, that I remembered of this 'rule for being human'. I started to ask myself why I felt so strongly. What was reflected back to me when I heard these words? I didn't like the way the words sounded when I heard them again. Have I make a similar statement? I believe that I have. The context was different ... but the words. If I could take them back, I would.

Then, I had another conversation that kept rewinding and replaying in my mind. Emotions resurfaced within me. Angst. Guilt? What was being reflected back to me this time?

I took a new approach to coming to terms with this scenario.

Number One - who I was accused of being may have been a part of who I was. I needed to make sure that it is not a part of who I am today. I did some soul searching and tentatively stepped out of my comfort zone and surveyed the situation. I'm content with my answers.

Number Two - the reflection. Am I guilty of holding onto my perceptions of who a person was in the past? Am I also guilty of dredging up the past and scrutinizing it?

Then the big question. Am I guilty of hoping to have someone from my past look at me today and wonder 'what could have been'?

I truly wish that I could look at 'a person from my past' and wistfully wonder ... I feel as though I've changed and grown. It saddens me when others don't take the opportunity to do the same.

I'm happy with the person I've become. I'm a work in progress. I don't appreciate the unspoken accusation that who I was ... is who I am. But on the flip side, I must be prepared to believe the same of others.

I have much to learn about the reflections that I see. When strong emotions resurface, I'll look to find what I need to work on. Within myself.

Therein lies the root of my guilt.