What Really Matters?

One of the things that falls in that list of 'things that really don't matter' for me, is material belongings. Money is a tricky situation because one person's perspective can be quite justified, yet polar opposite of the other person's (equally justified) viewpoint.

I've lost a few material battles along the way. Although it felt very unfair and it angered me at the time, in the long run it really didn't matter. I walked away with my dignity and family intact. Those are things that money doesn't buy.

I didn't fight battles that I knew I couldn't win when it came to child support. Even if I could have reaped some financial gains, it wasn't worth it to me. The money would have come at a cost. Ours was a relationship that ran hot or cold. It was never luke warm. If my ex had been required to send money, it would have brought him into our lives on a regular basis (which was not in the best interests of our children). To me, a good father doesn't have to be legally required to help support his children. It should be in his heart to give freely to help in the costs of raising his children. I can't believe that the courts have to be involved in this obvious responsibility.

It's hard for a child who is old enough to understand, to look at this situation and not be angry. Angry at their mother who didn't fight for them. Angry at a father who didn't care enough to contribute to their expenses and allow them an easier life. It's hard for that child to grow up and not fight dearly for every penny they have earned (and worked hard to save). That child is fighting a long lost battle. Winning at all costs becomes more important than walking away with dignity.

23 years later, I can look back at the decisions I made and know that they were the right ones for me at the time.

I walked away from a house that was mine ... because he wouldn't leave it. I walked away from family and friends to start a new life ... so that our paths would no longer cross. I let the bank have things that were mine so that I wasn't paying off his debt. We started our new lives with whatever he chose to toss out of a second floor bedroom window. We struggled financially but we were never destitute. And ... we were safe.

I had my children. That was all that ever mattered to me. The car, the house, the belongings, the debt ... all of that can be replaced or paid off. The safety and well being of my children were fragile. That, I protected at all costs.

I walked away the winner. I kept only what was important. And 23 years later, I can hold my head up high and know that I didn't stoop to a level that was below me. I walked away with not only my children ... but my dignity.

What really matters in life?