Lessons I Learned Through Counselling

Note: As I reread and started editing this piece, I must emphasize that I am writing only out of my own personal experience. In the whole realm of depression, anxiety, mental wellness and coping with life as I know it, I am not qualified to offer any advise to anyone. 

In reality, I am writing this to my "future self" so I know where to turn if I need to remind myself of where I've been, what I've learned and where to guide myself if and when I find myself in a downward spiral of coping abilities.

This is a follow up post to "Too Little, Too Late". A little rant on counselling after what felt like a lost hour speaking to a counsellor.

In reality, I did highlight the lessons I have learned while in counselling. And they are worth noting:

1. Guide your actions based on what you will be able to live with 

I walked through The Year of Mom with that lesson firmly embedded in my thoughts. One never knows what life is going to deal out. If we never saw a person again, would we be able to live with our actions?

By acting with kindness, it is a win-win for all. Simply do your best. When your best isn't enough, take the lessons learned and try again another day.

Words, once spoken, can never be taken back. Just like gluing together a broken piece of China ... something can be mended but it will never be the same again. Saying nothing is sometimes the best thing to say. That is a lesson I may keep learning until my dying day.

Learn, atone for your actions, forgive yourself and remember the lesson! You are an imperfect being. Get over it. Just do your best. Again (and again and again!).

2. Walk away while you can 

There are unfixable relationships and situations in everyone's life. The key is recognizing them. Then once identified, acknowledge what is within your power to fix.

Jobs, relationships, where you live, how you live, even dealing with health issues ... some things can be abandoned. Others, one must adapt to and work around.

When you have done all you know how to do and you are still being brought to your knees from a situation, sometimes the best choice may be to walk away IF and when you can. As Kenny Rogers would say, "You gotta know when to fold 'em".

3. Make notes, write down dates, times, incidents and all the details you may need to have so you can defend yourself

There are times you may not be able to walk away for any variety of reasons. Self preservation is key.

In situations that feel unbearable, I often find myself writing down key points. More often than not, when I get my worries out of my head and onto a piece of paper, the emotional impact is released and my concerns become more manageable. I am in a better place to discuss my side of a story and work towards a resolution.

Sometimes this has worked for me. Sometimes it hasn't. Either way, having the facts laid out helps me decide whether I have a hand worth holding onto or not.

4. See your doctor

If you have tried all you know how to do and are still in a downward spiral and unable to pull yourself up and out of where you are at, see your doctor. Do all you can to ensure there is nothing physical causing your symptoms. Be candid with your doctor. Ask for help and direction.

5. Tell them you need to speak to someone as soon as possible

It is next to impossible to know where you are in the spectrum of feeling "okay" when you are in a slow but steady decline. A doctor can only base their treatment plan based on what they see. Allow yourself to be vulnerable when you ask for help. If you go home and know you can't wait, call back and ask for more immediate assistance.

6. Book a winter holiday

This is not a reasonable solution for many of us but if it is possible, it is worth consideration. Look for ways to cope with the season of dark and coldness. If you recognize you are particularly vulnerable to this seasonal disorder, do what you can to preempt the blues.

My enemies are idleness, solitude and falling back into my "numbing" habits (eating, sleeping, scrolling and lurking on social media sites to name a few). Knowing this should help me prepare. Keeping busy, taking on an all encompassing winter project that occupies my time, thoughts and energy would most likely be longer lasting than a brief holiday.

Awareness, preparedness, reminding yourself you have walked this walk before and have come out the other side with a few more coping skills up your sleeve may or may not make "the next time" different than the last time.

Note to "future me":

Life has taught you everything you need to know. You have walked through the darkness before, you will do it again. Each time makes you stronger and more capable of enduring the next time. You CAN and you WILL see the light. I don't know when. I don't know how. But if all else fails? Book a winter holiday. It certainly couldn't hurt, could it?