Little Things

Too much time with not enough to do does not equal great things for me. There was a day in a land long ago, when I could and would utilize a three day hiatus from the day to day grind and do amazing things. Not anymore, my friend. Not anymore.

What did I do with three long and luxurious days off?

I immersed myself in all things "royal". The royal wedding, old YouTube videos on the royals, perusing books on Princes Harry and William, a TV movie and a few television programs on Harry & Meghan, with "The Royals" on Netflix capping off the Royal Weekend.

I completed watching "How I Met Your Mother". The final episode of the series included a wedding. I watched Harry & Meghan's wedding the same day I watched Barney & Robin get married. I thought that polished off the day quite nicely.

I ate. And I ate. And I ate. Then I ate more. Oh ... my achin' stomach. 'Nough said. More on that another day.

I mowed the lawn, I colored my hair, I vacuumed and I picked up a few groceries. Whew! I almost broke a sweat there. It is unfortunate, but one thing did not lead to another. Back in the day, one small household task (like clearing off a counter top) would lead to another, then another and the next thing I knew, I had cleaned a room. No more, my friend. No more.

My new motto seems to be "You did one hard thing. Now you can rest."

I rested, I reclined, I sat outside with the cats, I read and I wasted so much time on the computer.

But after all that time I "invested" playing working on the computer, I DID find a solution for accommodations for our upcoming family reunion so my internet time was well rewarded.

I went on a cat toy hunt which was greatly appreciated by all. I have an idle mind which likes to be challenged by knowing which cat toys are missing after I have scoured the house. After my cat toy treasure hunt was complete, I knew I was missing a new blue pom pom and an old yellow pom pom, after finally finding the lost sparkly red one (an all time favorite).

In the middle of the night, my feet grazed the sheets as they tried to find a new, cool spot to rest and sure enough, what did I feel under my covers, at the foot of my bed?!? The missing blue pom pom!! We are now only missing one yellow cat toy (as far as I remember).

Maybe, just maybe I could pull the house apart and clean until I find it.

Maybe not. Those ploys used to work on the "old me". The "new me" is not easily fooled I'm afraid. But you can be sure that every time I look in, under and beside a nook I have not looked in for a while, that that little yellow ball is at the top of my "to find" list. That ... and several income tax and Microsoft Office programs that have disappeared since my Time of Great Culling.

It is really no wonder that I have lost my ambition to reorganize things around here. Something goes missing. Every time. In fact, I wrote a list of all the things I have lost so I could cross them off as I found them. Guess what? I lost the list.

I didn't accomplish great things but I did feel serene while doing so. The haze of "missing Mom" is clearing and sadness does not wash over me in the way it has.

I spotted an unfamiliar yellow bird in the neighbor's tree this morning and stood at the window watching it for as long as it remained in my line of sight. Suddenly it seemed to dive off the tree it was in ... just the way the little birds seemed to line up on the eave of Mom's garage, then jump off one at a time and land in the peony bushes below. They did it over and over and over again. It was a light and easy memory of my last summer with Mom. We sat so very many hours in her sun room.

There is a great peace that washes over me as I quietly remember Mom as little things trigger small memories. There is a lightness in my heart and a feeling that "this" is how Mom would want to be remembered. In the small things. Light and easy.

There are so many times I wish I could ask Mom to clarify something for me. It saddens me to know she cannot provide those answers for me any more. There are only a few who can. I should write a list of what I wish I knew so I could ask when I come across someone who may know the answer. Then again, would I be able to find that list when I wanted it?

The great circle of life. I work a little, then rest a lot. I clean a little, then lose a lot. I remember a little, and I'm afraid I will forget.

I continue to write down these little memories of Mom because I fear the day when I will have forgot.

And that's all I have to say about that.