Happy Birthday, Mom

Birthdays were never a big deal for Mom. I don't think she particularly enjoyed a day that brought attention to her advancing years but I would imagine she didn't mind the contact from family due to the occasion.

We only surprised her once. One surprise party on her 65th birthday was one too many but she was young enough to survive the shock and tell us to never EVER do this again. So we didn't.

Fifteen years later, we asked if she would be agreeable to a gathering of the families on or around her birthday. We tried to take the focus off of "birthday" (my brother jokingly interchanged the word "extravaganza" in its place) and with Mom's blessing and input, we had a most excellent gathering of family and friends.

We collected hand written memories and/or pictures in place of gifts, amassed them in a binder and it was a gift Mom enjoyed for years to come.

I can visualize the pictures in my mind. The year was 2008, everyone was in good health and Mom was surrounded by her sisters, brothers in law (who felt like brothers to her), family, family, more family and friends.

She danced to the song "Could I Have This Dance" with my cousin, who had danced to this song with his bride on his wedding day.

There was a program which was light and easy, we had a few family soloists who sang some of Mom's favorite songs. It was a fun, easy and memorable day. I'm so glad we have the memory to hold onto.

Mom's funeral was very similar to that special birthday memory.

The year was 2017. She was the sole member of her family left. Her sisters, who were all alive on Mom's 80th birthday, predeceased her. A brother-in-law and two sisters-in-law had also passed. Looking at Mom's 80th birthday pictures, I see the life in everyone's eyes that was extinguished during the years that followed.

I remember the impassioned letter I wrote to a family member who couldn't attend the occasion due to their beliefs. They celebrate wedding anniversaries but not birthdays. There were no more wedding anniversaries for Mom, since Dad died thirty years before Mom. We were gathering family and friends in good times and my unspoken plea was "Please celebrate Mom with us while she is here to enjoy the party".

I didn't sway their decision. But I tried.

I'm so grateful for the memory of that special "Extravaganza" celebration of Mom's life. The joy of that day lives on and I believe we brought a piece of that most special occasion into our final good-bye to her.

When you live a joy-filled life, it is easier to smile at all the memories as your days wind down to an end. I think of the laughter that surrounded what would become Mom's final year. I remember thinking how disrespectful it must seem, to be laughing in the hospital corridors while others were facing life and death situations. Little did I realize at the time, that was "us". We were walking through Mom's final days with her. Although it was heart breaking at times, it wasn't a sorrowful time because we had an arsenal of good thoughts, memories and a mighty spunky mom who made things as easy as they could be.

It was her final wish for us to simply be with her. She would rest, wanted to hear our voices and laughter.

One of my favorite pictures of the day. Maybe not the best pose, but it captured the essence of the day. "Familiarity and ease among family and friends"

Mom, with her sisters and Dad's brothers

Mom, with Dad's brothers. This is such a good picture of Mom and I can still hear her voice saying "They were like brothers to me" (and I can also hear the voice of Dad's brother echoing the sentiment)

"Could I Have This Dance" ~ the grand finale of what was a most excellent day

Thanks for the memories, Mom. They are a gift like no other...