Time Management

The longer I live, the poorer I get at managing my time.

I just puttered away two hours this morning. Granted, I sent off an email, balanced my budget, made some short range plans and stimulated my brain with my morning puzzles. BUT I lost two hours in (what felt like) the blink of an eye.

If it was just "me" and my home life, this would be okay. But this mismanagement of time is infiltrating my long range goals, my state of productivity and my work.

I am a stickler for routine. On the job and off. I like to clear the deck of all small tasks before I tackle something big. I do this at home. I do this when I tackle any project or job. I did this when I studied, while I assembled our family's memories and when I have taken on organizing family events. 

I do this all the time. I clear the clutter of "life" away and then I sit down and lose myself in the bigger projects at hand.

This does prove to be a very good excuse to procrastinate. I was not alone when I said my house was never cleaner, than when I was taking a correspondence course. I truly believe that "white space" creates fewer distractions and one can focus better on the job at hand. 

I have succeeded in what I have set out to do in the past. I have completed courses. I have created or been a co-creator in three family history books. I have arranged a reunion and kept a fully balanced accounting of all funds received for said reunion. I managed Mom's estate and all accounting related to it. 

I accounted for balanced every penny of Mom's funds, family reunion and book funds. I do income tax for others. I did my own taxes before I took them to the accountant and caught an error she made. I balance my own books to the penny. I balance books as unconsciously as I breathe. 

I obsess about balancing to the penny and check my work backwords, forwards and sideways before I put it to rest. I meticulously organize the end result of my work at hand, so if I was ever questioned on any part of the accounting, I would be able to retrace my steps and account for my thought process.

This should make me very good at my work BUT the time it takes to do things the way I like to do them is tripping me up. 

This is waking me up at night. Every night I have to work in the morning. It has been a long while since I felt I put in a productive day at work. The habits that work for me at home are not working for me in the work place.

"Listen to the whispers" is a chapter I just read in Oprah's new book. I've been able to hear the whispers in the past. It was harder when those whispers were guiding me away from my days of daycaring. I silenced the whispers but an ocular migraine scared the socks off me (I thought it may be a brain tumor as I was experiencing it) during my last day of work before a long awaited holiday. I offered to move out to Mom's that summer but settled for quitting my daycare instead. 

Another time, a hernia stopped me in my tracks which resulted in going back to school and rerouting my career after I listened to the quiet.

My sitting in a sunbeam moment after my Youngest Child was born was another moment of clarity when my life was quiet enough to listen to the beat of my own heart. I took a leave of absence from my work and opened my daycare. I have never looked back.

Prior to that, were the screams of desperation I felt within me when I knew I had to make a physical move away from my marriage and previous life. That was the smartest move of my life.

I hear the whispers. I don't want the whispers to turn into screams. When you don't make a change voluntarily, life will deal you a hand that is out of your control. I would rather control the change I want to see in my life. 

I want to listen to those whispers. Maybe I have to turn off the TV at night so I am forced to wake up and confront them.

I feel as though I am mismanaging my time but am I? Or is "life" trying to talk to me and I am numbing my thoughts with sleep, Netflix and food? My chip addiction at night has become all consuming and the highlight of my day.

I don't want to make any rash changes. I simply want to find a way to make this existing situation work. I need to either have suggestions or be open to them. I must be willing change what is within my control or accept things as they are. 

The Serenity Prayer instantly comes to mind: 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I feel as though I am mismanaging my time but am I? Or is "life" trying to talk to me and I am numbing my thoughts with sleep, Netflix and chips?

As I was ready to walk away from the computer, this post came to my attention:

Self-care is not selfish. It’s the most pro-active thing you can do. Why? We cannot nurture others from a dry well. If we practice preventative wellness and replenish our emotional reservoirs BEFORE they hit the empty line, then we can give even more to others from our surplus, from our natural state of strength and abundance. Shine brightly💡 ~ Project Happiness

I wrote this at 8:00 a.m.; I have returned to my morning thoughts twelve hours later. I will post this after it has plenty of time to marinate. Good night.