Rinse and Repeat

Life. Rinse and repeat daily. Maintenance. Redo what you just did yesterday. Routine. Same old, same old. I have a love/hate relationship with each of the above.

On one hand, I thrive on routine. I love my little ruts and I feel a little resentful when I'm forced to carve out a new one. I love the "known". I crave the little reward system I have created within my small little world.

It has been over two years since I started leaving our home to earn a living. The shock of that change of life was softened by a year of running out to Mom's. The drive, the solitude and knowing Mom was there saved me from myself during that year of transition.

The second year? Not so great. I missed Mom. I missed my regular road trips. I missed everything the prior year brought into my world. I had to create a new rut and I didn't like it. Not one little bit.

I'm well into my third year of change and I'm finally rolling with it. I'm sad to say, at the ripe old age of 58, I live for my weekends. But I do. I like what I do but I love being home more. I'm doing this. And it's okay.

I allowed myself a weekend to recreate the past. I literally packed my suitcase as I got dressed one Friday morning and brought it upstairs with me. I sent out a few messages into the universe and was urged to move forward with my last minute plan to flee the city. Breaking out of the deep rut I had carved out for myself was life affirming.

I tossed my suitcase into the trunk of my car and didn't come home from work that day. I felt slightly rebellious but mostly, I felt liberated and free.

Maintenance. Whew! That word is a paragraph unto itself.

We have created a home that requires daily maintenance. Not only do I have to wake up, dehair/make my bed and clean cat litter every morning, we now have a house that requires a daily mopping up of said cat hair.

I have a love/hate relationship with this cat hair. I love the cats it belongs to. I hate having it floating about the house aimlessly, without wall-to-wall carpeting to attract and hold onto it for a later date. BUT (now, this is the surprising part), I DO like waking up to a clean house each morning. I despise the cleaning aspect of this job but I do appreciate its rewards.

Speaking of which, if I plan to de-hair the house of cat hair which has accumulated on the laminate floors before I head off to work, I must stop writing.

I have to hop out of my writing rut, into my cleaning rut, then head off to a day at the office, so I can come home, rinse and repeat, then do it all over again tomorrow.