Yesterday, as I walked by an independent retirement living community I tried to imagine what the next twenty years have in store for me. I was grateful for today, yet mindful of the future.
I walked by the town's emergency service base and thought of the calls the ambulances go to. The need to call 9-1-1 in an emergency situation is never a good thing. I was grateful for the moment I was in, yet fully aware that life can change in an instant.
I walked by the Long Term Care Facility and thought of the lives being lived within those walls. The mere fact a person needs assistance to live out their life is sobering. Dad lived out his last years in a facility such as this. Mom fought hard to retain her independence. Other seniors I know well had no choice as their lives wound to a close. No matter how excellent the care may be, the loss of living an independent life is a great loss indeed. I felt a lot.
I walked by the hospital and thought of those requiring care. The sigh of relief one feels when they are in the hands of a medical team. The desire to go home. The hope it is a temporary pit stop along their way.
Then I simply walked. And it was good.
The cool, crisp morning air felt good on my face. I felt better the moment I stepped out my door with the intent on greeting the morning and filling my early morning thoughts with gratitude.
It felt life affirming. Yet, I didn't repeat the lesson this morning.
The answers can be as simple as stepping outside and inhaling the moment. Yet I find such solace in my safe little cocoon within my home.
Our answers lie within us. I am laying my words out here on this platform to move my idle thoughts into a place where I am more likely to take action.
One forward step at a time.
My last day living life-as-I-know-it has arrived. July 15th marked the 30 year anniversary of living in this home. January 1st, thirty six years ago we moved to this province. This city.
I moved here with my 9 year old and 4 month old children. They grew up, moved out and moved on. I gained a third child. She grew up, stayed home and I'm moving on.
June 13, 2023 I wrote this:
"After much consideration, I have decided to retire and I am writing to tender my resignation...my last day of work will be June 30, 2024".
July 1st, I formally handed it all over. Done, complete, balanced, organized and relinquished in a manner I would hope for, if someone had worked for me. Done.
July 2nd to 28th has been a whirlwind of packing up, working in my new town, cleaning up and tying up loose ends. Today, I will relinquish this life in a manner I would hope for if someone was handing it over to me. Done. Almost.
There is a fridge to empty and clean. The car is packed and almost ready to go. The empty spots will very likely be filled to the gills with miscellaneous items, with only room for me in the car.
Just me.
Wow. This feels different than I thought it would.
It will be a whole new world once I settle into regular, everyday life in my new home and town. I am beyond grateful I have found gainful employment that will sustain and nourish me. Literally and figuratively.
When I handed in my notice a year ago, I wistfully hoped I would be able to work a little on the side and do what they call "retire". I am now reframing retirement as "retiring from one job into my next".
New age retirement = continuing to work, but finding a more comfortable fit.
The fit feels wonderful.
Now comes the next challenge. Living without dependents. Alone at last.
Alone. But not lonely. That is the goal.
"Where am I?" "What day is it?" "How long do I get to stay here??"
These are the questions I have been waking up to, when I actually sleep through the night these days. I have solved the dilemma of Where? What? How? lately by not falling into a deep restful sleep. The day will come. And I will be waking up in my newly refreshed life-as-I-know-it.
July 1st came and went. My one objective of this pivotal date was my date of resignation would have past and I would have evicted my "roommate", which was my job.
And ... (drumroll, please) ... I did it.
I wrapped up the June 30th deadline with a bow and handed it all over on July 1st. Happy New Year to me!!
Rewind the tape to last fall, when I started the process that eventually resulted in obtaining a casual job position in my new town. Due to the education requirements, there were many hoops to jump through during hiring process. After it was decided my education was sufficient, I had to take one more course. I did that. Then the interview. Then the skills test.
October 4th was the beginning of this story. November 13th, I was offered a position. Next came one day of online education, submitting all new-hire documentation, including ensuring my immunizations were complete and up-to-date and training shifts. December 22nd was the end of the beginning of this same story.
At one point during the process I declared, "I have never worked so hard to get a job".
Then came the other end of the same, but very different story.
I gave my previous employers a year's notice that my date of resignation would be June 30th. The first six months were a breeze. The beginning of the next six months was overwhelming as I outlined all the deadlines I needed to meet, in order to be done in six short months. The last month? With the deadline looming and so much yet to do, was the motivation I needed to simply get the job done.
The final final four days of my job was like seeing the finish line ahead but the last leg of the race was the hardest leg of it all. And I did it. I really did it!!
I have felt a spark of joy within me on a regular basis lately. I felt the sensation so deep this morning, I knew I had to put it down in words so I could re-read them some day in the future.
I am eight days away from the end-date of my work-from-home-bookkeeping position I have held for four years and three months. Taking on the full time role of working from home was a little heavier than expected. I can feel my clothes becoming a little looser as the extra weight of responsibility is being lifted from my shoulders.
Oh! What a feeling!!
I have a heavy list of things-to-do-before-I'm-done but I'm energized by this. I work best under pressure. And the pressure is on. It is so close, I can taste it!
Things in my new life have been falling into place ever-so-nicely. It has a feeling like it was truly meant to be. I haven't been fighting the current as I made progress along the way. I feel like I am walking with the current of a gently flowing creek.
It hasn't always felt this way but now that I can see the end, it is good. It is right. I am so grateful I didn't give up on my dream, even though giving up was most certainly where I was at six months ago.
Little things that bring me joy are so close to the surface.
Last week, I walked into my favorite bargain store and bought absolutely nothing but chocolate bars. These chocolate bars are the only thing I am aware of, that hasn't gone up with the cost of inflation in a time where prices of some of my favorite things (Pringles, for example) have doubled.
Budgeting used to be the best diet I could go on. Inflation has replaced budgeting in food control. I simply will not pay the new prices on some of my prior delights.
But these chocolate bars? I was not constrained by embarrassment, humility or caring for a moment what anyone thought about what was in my shopping basket.
The clerk ran them through and I just smiled from the depths of my soul and said, "These chocolate bars simply bring me so much joy!" He smiled from a place deeper than the cashier's obligatory "have a nice day" platitude. I think my confession brought a speck of joy into that moment.
I came home and could barely contain myself. Guess what this little basket full of joy cost! $7.77 (INCLUDING taxes):
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt I was banned from buying so many chocolate bars from this store. I'd better find different stores to shop at - I don't want anything to take away the cheapest form of joy one can buy any time soon.
May you find a small piece of joy within your day. If you can, declare this joyful find out loud and share it. I do believe joy is contagious. Spread it around.
