Unremarkable.
That was our year of 2012. Rather unremarkable.
The more I thought about how fitting that particular word was to describe our year, the more I found that it is very much a blessing to have an unremarkable year.
It means that we are much as we were a year ago.
We are all doing much the same that we did and have been doing for the years that preceded this one.
My adult sons and I continue to work. There have been slight variations as to what we do … but we are employed. We are paying our way. We are setting goals and aspirations as to where we hope the fruits of our labor will take us. My youngest has graduated onto high school with a new set of challenges before him. But he continues to learn and benefit from the education that is provided for him.
The place we call home remains the same ~ my middle son and his girlfriend have plans to move a house onto their farm this spring ~ but all in all our places of residence remain unchanged. The houses we live in are home to us. They provide more than shelter, warmth and safety. We are happy within our walls and are grateful to call our house … a home.
Relationships, friendships and family ties continue to grow and thrive. It has been a year where our hearts are happy and we have been surrounded by people that nourish us. We are blessed to continue to hold onto those who are near and dear to us.
We wake up each morning and our bodies continue to take us where we want and need to go. No surprises have caught us off guard as good health continues to be a blessing that we have carried with us throughout the year.
This has been a year where many people that touch my life have not had such an unremarkable year. There has been loss, heart-break, critical health issues, job loss and unstable new territory for so many that I know. Bad things have been happening to good people. What they would give … to have such a thing as an ‘unremarkable year’.
Oh … to sit in a doctor’s office and hear the words “Well … your test result is unremarkable”. I had such an experience for a minor issue that was being investigated. The word ‘unremarkable’ remained with me long after I walked out of the office.
Unremarkable.
No wonder I was having trouble coming up with a Christmas letter theme. My life is unremarkable.
At first I took issue with such a realization. I must make my life remarkable! It is time to set new goals (or at least follow through on the goals I have not yet attained)! I must dream and reach for the stars! I must make the most of the days that I have because we do not know what is around the next corner…
But to live in fear of what may lie in store … is to stop living life to the fullest.
As I walked through the days that followed, I realized just how wonderful it is to have an unremarkable year. Perhaps the highs were not so high … but on the flip side, the lows were not so low. It was a slightly hilly year, but our feet were on the ground throughout the ride.
We have had years of drama and it is always a very good feeling to come out the other side of it a little wiser, a little stronger and with compassion for those that are dealing with their own personal challenges. This year, I have sat on the sidelines with my heart aching for others.
No matter what this past year has brought you, my wish for you? An unremarkable day … or week … or more. A day where you wake up and life doesn’t throw you a curve ball that you weren’t expecting.
In the experiment called life, I feel that perhaps this year was one to call the ‘control year’. The year in which all was stable. The year to measure others against. It isn’t much to write about … but in the end? I am grateful for such a year.
2012 – The Unremarkable Year. We should all be so lucky …
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Propelled by Fear
Even though I know better, I have allowed fear to seep into my holiday scheduling ...
My Sister invited my mom and me to her place while Mom was here for the holidays. I didn't have any qualms with the idea until (almost) -40 temperatures dominated the days in and around Christmas. Even though we have graduated to an (almost) balmy -30 degrees, I still found myself gravitating towards wanting to stay home when the temperature didn't rise substantially.
Honestly! What difference would it make if you were stranded in -20 degree weather verses -30 degrees?! Cold ... is cold. We would have been travelling on a busy, two-lane highway. I have a cell phone. I have my winter emergency kit packed. Even in the worst of circumstances (which most likely would have never occurred), all would have been okay in the end.
Would I want to risk taking my mom out in the frigid weather? Not really. Do I relish the idea of mechanical break-downs due to the cold? Not at all. Do I prefer to stay at home?? You bet I do!!!
I walked into the Christmas season very aware of the realities of life that so many people that I know are dealing with. Fragile health, loss and a general feeling of how everything is magnified during this season. Good becomes great. Bad becomes awful. It has been a melancholy season as I internalized (what I guessed) were the feelings of those that touch my world.
Then my mom's sister was hospitalized the morning of Christmas Eve. Once again I put myself in the shoes of her family and was ever-mindful of the precarious balance that makes our bodies work as we expect. Everything is connected. When the health of one organ is compromised, it affects the entire body. The concept of how"... the toe bone is connected to the foot bone, and the foot bone is connected to the ankle bone ..." rang through my head. When this starts affecting the major organs of a person's body, it reminds a person of the fragile state anyone could be in, if any one of those organs stopped doing its job effectively. If the health professionals can't hone in on the cause of the symptoms, it instills a sense of fearfulness ...
To live fully is to take hold of the reins of life and take calculated risks to make the most of the day at hand.
Do I wish that I had just let go of the fear and driven out to see my sister yesterday? Sitting here in the warmth and safety of my home and the feeling of simply wasting a day of my life yesterday, I can honestly say that I wish that I had gone ...
Have I accomplished one thing by worrying about my aunt and her family? No. Taking an active role to help those, whose lives have been thrown into a state of upheaval helps a person feel that they have done something. Worrying? It is not a productive use of one's resources. Do I know what I could have done differently? Not yet. But the answers will come ...
Living life to its fullest is a delicate balance of weighing risks against rewards. Living in fear of doing nothing verses doing something paralyzes a person into a state of immobility. It is harder to get out of that state than it is to do one small thing ...
Sometimes you just have to stare down the fears and take one small step. One step in a forward direction is better than no step at all.
Fear ... you have not got the best of me yet. You may have won a few too many rounds this past year, but your reign is coming to an end. I'm tired of what you have done to me.
My Sister invited my mom and me to her place while Mom was here for the holidays. I didn't have any qualms with the idea until (almost) -40 temperatures dominated the days in and around Christmas. Even though we have graduated to an (almost) balmy -30 degrees, I still found myself gravitating towards wanting to stay home when the temperature didn't rise substantially.
Honestly! What difference would it make if you were stranded in -20 degree weather verses -30 degrees?! Cold ... is cold. We would have been travelling on a busy, two-lane highway. I have a cell phone. I have my winter emergency kit packed. Even in the worst of circumstances (which most likely would have never occurred), all would have been okay in the end.
Would I want to risk taking my mom out in the frigid weather? Not really. Do I relish the idea of mechanical break-downs due to the cold? Not at all. Do I prefer to stay at home?? You bet I do!!!
I walked into the Christmas season very aware of the realities of life that so many people that I know are dealing with. Fragile health, loss and a general feeling of how everything is magnified during this season. Good becomes great. Bad becomes awful. It has been a melancholy season as I internalized (what I guessed) were the feelings of those that touch my world.
Then my mom's sister was hospitalized the morning of Christmas Eve. Once again I put myself in the shoes of her family and was ever-mindful of the precarious balance that makes our bodies work as we expect. Everything is connected. When the health of one organ is compromised, it affects the entire body. The concept of how"... the toe bone is connected to the foot bone, and the foot bone is connected to the ankle bone ..." rang through my head. When this starts affecting the major organs of a person's body, it reminds a person of the fragile state anyone could be in, if any one of those organs stopped doing its job effectively. If the health professionals can't hone in on the cause of the symptoms, it instills a sense of fearfulness ...
To live fully is to take hold of the reins of life and take calculated risks to make the most of the day at hand.
Do I wish that I had just let go of the fear and driven out to see my sister yesterday? Sitting here in the warmth and safety of my home and the feeling of simply wasting a day of my life yesterday, I can honestly say that I wish that I had gone ...
Have I accomplished one thing by worrying about my aunt and her family? No. Taking an active role to help those, whose lives have been thrown into a state of upheaval helps a person feel that they have done something. Worrying? It is not a productive use of one's resources. Do I know what I could have done differently? Not yet. But the answers will come ...
Living life to its fullest is a delicate balance of weighing risks against rewards. Living in fear of doing nothing verses doing something paralyzes a person into a state of immobility. It is harder to get out of that state than it is to do one small thing ...
Sometimes you just have to stare down the fears and take one small step. One step in a forward direction is better than no step at all.
Fear ... you have not got the best of me yet. You may have won a few too many rounds this past year, but your reign is coming to an end. I'm tired of what you have done to me.
We Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming ...
I will be so glad to see life-as-I-know-it resume after this holiday season.
Early to bed. Early to rise. Regular routines. Regular TV programming (I am so sick and tired of holiday movies that I could almost scream). Work ...
Yes! Even work. An appropriate balance of work, play, family, friends and quiet is paramount to my inner sense of happy.
I went into this holiday feeling guilty that I actually felt that I needed this break after (not even) four months into my new and improved daycare career. I thought that I had found the answer to my work challenges, yet I was craving a holiday.
Perhaps I needed the break for different reasons than one usually looks forward to vacation time. The years that preceded this one were rather stressful ones. I was working. But I didn't have job stability. I had time off. But I didn't know how long it would last. I could have been called to work any time. Or I may not be called to work when the 'holiday' was over.
So I am trying to give myself a break for this dire need for a break from my routine in the middle of this long, cold winter.
I am almost anticipating the return of my regularly scheduled life that revolves around my daycare family. I have one new child scheduled to start next week. A new personality to fit into our lives. A new dimension to add to our little family. A new challenge ...
I do best when I have an appropriate balance of challenge to overcome in my life. This habit/need may have been perpetuated by the years of drama that preceded these peaceful ones.
There is an inner sense of knowing that I always end up in a better place than I started, when I am faced with a challenge. I wonder if my subconscious mind creates the need for obstacles to overcome so that I can feel victorious when I come out the other side.
My holiday has rejuvinated me. I am actually anticipating getting back to life-as-I-know-it so that I can overcome this inner sense of restlessness.
I am ready, world! This must be the year that I overcome the doubts that have been taking over my thinking.
I am ready to move out of the season of Holiday Specials and return to our Regularly Scheduled Programming!
Early to bed. Early to rise. Regular routines. Regular TV programming (I am so sick and tired of holiday movies that I could almost scream). Work ...
Yes! Even work. An appropriate balance of work, play, family, friends and quiet is paramount to my inner sense of happy.
I went into this holiday feeling guilty that I actually felt that I needed this break after (not even) four months into my new and improved daycare career. I thought that I had found the answer to my work challenges, yet I was craving a holiday.
Perhaps I needed the break for different reasons than one usually looks forward to vacation time. The years that preceded this one were rather stressful ones. I was working. But I didn't have job stability. I had time off. But I didn't know how long it would last. I could have been called to work any time. Or I may not be called to work when the 'holiday' was over.
So I am trying to give myself a break for this dire need for a break from my routine in the middle of this long, cold winter.
I am almost anticipating the return of my regularly scheduled life that revolves around my daycare family. I have one new child scheduled to start next week. A new personality to fit into our lives. A new dimension to add to our little family. A new challenge ...
I do best when I have an appropriate balance of challenge to overcome in my life. This habit/need may have been perpetuated by the years of drama that preceded these peaceful ones.
There is an inner sense of knowing that I always end up in a better place than I started, when I am faced with a challenge. I wonder if my subconscious mind creates the need for obstacles to overcome so that I can feel victorious when I come out the other side.
My holiday has rejuvinated me. I am actually anticipating getting back to life-as-I-know-it so that I can overcome this inner sense of restlessness.
I am ready, world! This must be the year that I overcome the doubts that have been taking over my thinking.
I am ready to move out of the season of Holiday Specials and return to our Regularly Scheduled Programming!
It is Hard to be Sociable
I am a very solitary soul. I could happily exist for days on end with little to no contact with the outside world.
I love when my world gets quiet and thoughts waft in and out of my head like a gentle breeze. I revel in those moments when I can sit down and let my fingers do the walking over the keyboard when my head is in that quiet, reflective place. Moments like that recharge me like little else.
I savor the quiet of my morning rituals. It gives me the opportunity to sit still with my thoughts (or lack of them). My entire body relaxes when I find my quiet place. My body and mind are closely correlated and when one is happy and relaxed, so is the other.
I enjoy finding a quiet pocket in a day to sit still and let myself close out the world around me. That time and place when I am nothing to no one. I am just idling and neutral. From the outside I may look grumpy and depressed, but on the inside I am regaining my inner happy.
I haven't had too many of those quiet moments this holiday. That is okay. I will find them again when life resumes its normal pace. But I do anticipate those quiet moments when I am officially on holidays from my day-to-day life.
I find it hard when I feel the subtle pressure from those around me, to be more than I am. Sometimes ... what you see is what you get. If I find myself in a quiet moment, I can easily lose myself in it. And sleep.
Falling asleep when someone is talking to you is (perhaps) the epitome of rudeness. Most people's remedy wouldn't be getting up hours before you need to be up to regain their energy levels. But that is my solution. Those few hours to let my body and mind relax and be quiet is exactly what I need to get through a people-oriented day. To take those hours away and jump right into my day with both feet drains me.
I got up before the birds this morning. I could barely keep myself in bed until 5:30. I have too many things to do today and I must make it look like I don't. I am not quite sure how to accomplish that ... but I know that a two hour head start will give me my best shot at getting through the day ahead. So please understand if I start nodding off at 9:00 tonight .....
I love when my world gets quiet and thoughts waft in and out of my head like a gentle breeze. I revel in those moments when I can sit down and let my fingers do the walking over the keyboard when my head is in that quiet, reflective place. Moments like that recharge me like little else.
I savor the quiet of my morning rituals. It gives me the opportunity to sit still with my thoughts (or lack of them). My entire body relaxes when I find my quiet place. My body and mind are closely correlated and when one is happy and relaxed, so is the other.
I enjoy finding a quiet pocket in a day to sit still and let myself close out the world around me. That time and place when I am nothing to no one. I am just idling and neutral. From the outside I may look grumpy and depressed, but on the inside I am regaining my inner happy.
I haven't had too many of those quiet moments this holiday. That is okay. I will find them again when life resumes its normal pace. But I do anticipate those quiet moments when I am officially on holidays from my day-to-day life.
I find it hard when I feel the subtle pressure from those around me, to be more than I am. Sometimes ... what you see is what you get. If I find myself in a quiet moment, I can easily lose myself in it. And sleep.
Falling asleep when someone is talking to you is (perhaps) the epitome of rudeness. Most people's remedy wouldn't be getting up hours before you need to be up to regain their energy levels. But that is my solution. Those few hours to let my body and mind relax and be quiet is exactly what I need to get through a people-oriented day. To take those hours away and jump right into my day with both feet drains me.
I got up before the birds this morning. I could barely keep myself in bed until 5:30. I have too many things to do today and I must make it look like I don't. I am not quite sure how to accomplish that ... but I know that a two hour head start will give me my best shot at getting through the day ahead. So please understand if I start nodding off at 9:00 tonight .....
Thursday, December 27, 2012
The Day is Done
With Mom's arrival on Christmas night, our Christmas celebration was sprinkled over several days this year.
It all cumulated yesterday when my Second Son cooked a turkey meal (where quite literally, all that I did was make a salad, peel some potatoes & carrots, turned on a few burners at the appropriate time and heated up a few cans of corn). His girlfriend made buns and pickles which supplemented the meal.
Nothing makes a turkey taste better, than having someone else deal with it. From start to finish. It was a most excellent meal. Add a few extra family members to the table setting and the dining experience was complete.
The day was good. The day is done. All that is left is left is the leftovers ...
It all cumulated yesterday when my Second Son cooked a turkey meal (where quite literally, all that I did was make a salad, peel some potatoes & carrots, turned on a few burners at the appropriate time and heated up a few cans of corn). His girlfriend made buns and pickles which supplemented the meal.
Nothing makes a turkey taste better, than having someone else deal with it. From start to finish. It was a most excellent meal. Add a few extra family members to the table setting and the dining experience was complete.
The day was good. The day is done. All that is left is left is the leftovers ...
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Happy Christmas to All
May you be where you most want to be and feel embraced by warm memories of Christmases Past, if your Christmas Present is not what you hoped it would be.
I wish you warmth, safety and peace of mind. If your thoughts are consumed with worry, sadness or loneliness ... may you feel a cloak of protectiveness comfort you as you proceed gently through the days ahead.
Our Christmas Present feels very untypical. My family is still sleeping. I am more eager to spend the quiet by myself than I am anxious for them to open my gifts. I don't have the perfect gift to give anyone this year. The gifts under the tree do not represent how I feel. Fail ...
Mom may or may not come out to spend the holidays with us. She is not a winter traveller and the winter weather has not made her choice easy. I think it is more important for her to feel safe and warm in the comfort of her own home, than it is to trek out by bus on a cold, December day. I hope she chooses what she most wants to do.
A very good friend of mine is spending her first Christmas without her parents. I cannot help but think of her family's traditions that will change this year ...
Another friend who absolutely loves Christmas and all it stands for has been dealt some tough blows this year. She has terminal cancer. I cannot help but think of this Christmas and how bittersweet it could be ...
My mom's sister is back in the hospital. I have been thinking of her and her family a lot ever since I heard that she was readmitted a few days ago. It has been a rough year for her as well ...
Imperfect family dynamics make me think of others, as people everywhere deem this a day where families put aside their differences and try to make the most of this day. If everyone could leave their baggage at the door, it could open the doors of communication. That is much easier said than done. It is hard to erase years of hurt because it is Christmas day ...
I feel very melancholy this year. I know and appreciate how blessed I am ...
My family is stirring. It is time to go and make the most of this day.
No matter where you are or who you are with ... I wish you 'Happiness'. My wish for you is to wake up with a light heart that will carry with you through the day.
I wish you warmth, safety and peace of mind. If your thoughts are consumed with worry, sadness or loneliness ... may you feel a cloak of protectiveness comfort you as you proceed gently through the days ahead.
Our Christmas Present feels very untypical. My family is still sleeping. I am more eager to spend the quiet by myself than I am anxious for them to open my gifts. I don't have the perfect gift to give anyone this year. The gifts under the tree do not represent how I feel. Fail ...
Mom may or may not come out to spend the holidays with us. She is not a winter traveller and the winter weather has not made her choice easy. I think it is more important for her to feel safe and warm in the comfort of her own home, than it is to trek out by bus on a cold, December day. I hope she chooses what she most wants to do.
A very good friend of mine is spending her first Christmas without her parents. I cannot help but think of her family's traditions that will change this year ...
Another friend who absolutely loves Christmas and all it stands for has been dealt some tough blows this year. She has terminal cancer. I cannot help but think of this Christmas and how bittersweet it could be ...
My mom's sister is back in the hospital. I have been thinking of her and her family a lot ever since I heard that she was readmitted a few days ago. It has been a rough year for her as well ...
Imperfect family dynamics make me think of others, as people everywhere deem this a day where families put aside their differences and try to make the most of this day. If everyone could leave their baggage at the door, it could open the doors of communication. That is much easier said than done. It is hard to erase years of hurt because it is Christmas day ...
I feel very melancholy this year. I know and appreciate how blessed I am ...
My family is stirring. It is time to go and make the most of this day.
No matter where you are or who you are with ... I wish you 'Happiness'. My wish for you is to wake up with a light heart that will carry with you through the day.
Monday, December 24, 2012
The Spirit of Giving ... All Year Long
I have been avoiding my Christmas Rant this year. I thought if I couldn't say anything good, I wouldn't say anything at all about the over glorified hype of this season.
The quieter I got, the more I felt it. I was relieved when I received an email yesterday that allowed me to vent my feelings. Once purged, they became a little less powerful and I could go through the motions of the festive season and endure.
The expectations of this season make me somewhat angry. I admit it. No matter how hard I try to bring the spirit of Christmas into my day-to-day life ... I still feel that Christmas means that I must give more.
What if I don't have more to give? What if I am emotionally spent? What if I am financially spent!? What if I am out of ideas and time and creativity? What if I am running on empty??
The truth of the matter is that it feels good to give. Giving of yourself lifts you out of dark places. To make a small difference in another person's day is a gift to the giver as well as the one on the receiving end. How often have you paid a good deed forward when someone does something completely unexpected and kind?
In some small way ... the gift is forwarded. Even if it is to lighten the mood of the person on the receiving end. A person feels a little lighter and has more to give of themselves when life has given them an unexpected blessing and that mood is carried forward to those people that touch the life of that person .
A complement. An acknowledgement of appreciation. A kind word. A smile. It is not the money spent that makes the difference ... the gift is in the way you make another person feel.
We have no idea what those that cross our paths are dealing with. It is impossible to guess. But it is safe to say that 'everyone has a story' ... and if we are gentle with our words and generous with kindness we can make a big difference in a person's day.
I love that Christmas is a catalyst of generosity among us. A note. A chocolate bar. An acknowledgement of a job well done. Anything positive that can be paid forward is a gift ...
The Christmas season has a way of making the emotions that we are carrying with us on a day-to-day basis feel more acute. Whether we are lonely, in pain, have suffered a loss, are dealing with serious health issues in our world or simply carrying a load of sadness with us from day-to-day. This season can make it all feel bigger than it would be on any other day.
If you know someone who may be feeling the acuteness of this season in a way that hurts ... reach out and touch them. A phone call. A note. An invitation. Anything to draw them out and into the world ...
The best gifts in life do not cost a penny. Don't save your generosity for special occasions. Those that are feeling low at Christmas are feeling the same low-grade sense of pain with them the other 364 days of the year.
Give all year long. If you can make a small difference to another person, remember them when special occasions bring their hurt to the surface. Not just because it is Christmas ...
May you carry a piece of the magic this season has the opportunity to bring to you throughout the days, months and years ahead.
I wish you a Happy Christmas and may you share the gift of happiness with those that touch your world.
The quieter I got, the more I felt it. I was relieved when I received an email yesterday that allowed me to vent my feelings. Once purged, they became a little less powerful and I could go through the motions of the festive season and endure.
The expectations of this season make me somewhat angry. I admit it. No matter how hard I try to bring the spirit of Christmas into my day-to-day life ... I still feel that Christmas means that I must give more.
What if I don't have more to give? What if I am emotionally spent? What if I am financially spent!? What if I am out of ideas and time and creativity? What if I am running on empty??
The truth of the matter is that it feels good to give. Giving of yourself lifts you out of dark places. To make a small difference in another person's day is a gift to the giver as well as the one on the receiving end. How often have you paid a good deed forward when someone does something completely unexpected and kind?
In some small way ... the gift is forwarded. Even if it is to lighten the mood of the person on the receiving end. A person feels a little lighter and has more to give of themselves when life has given them an unexpected blessing and that mood is carried forward to those people that touch the life of that person .
A complement. An acknowledgement of appreciation. A kind word. A smile. It is not the money spent that makes the difference ... the gift is in the way you make another person feel.
We have no idea what those that cross our paths are dealing with. It is impossible to guess. But it is safe to say that 'everyone has a story' ... and if we are gentle with our words and generous with kindness we can make a big difference in a person's day.
I love that Christmas is a catalyst of generosity among us. A note. A chocolate bar. An acknowledgement of a job well done. Anything positive that can be paid forward is a gift ...
The Christmas season has a way of making the emotions that we are carrying with us on a day-to-day basis feel more acute. Whether we are lonely, in pain, have suffered a loss, are dealing with serious health issues in our world or simply carrying a load of sadness with us from day-to-day. This season can make it all feel bigger than it would be on any other day.
If you know someone who may be feeling the acuteness of this season in a way that hurts ... reach out and touch them. A phone call. A note. An invitation. Anything to draw them out and into the world ...
The best gifts in life do not cost a penny. Don't save your generosity for special occasions. Those that are feeling low at Christmas are feeling the same low-grade sense of pain with them the other 364 days of the year.
Give all year long. If you can make a small difference to another person, remember them when special occasions bring their hurt to the surface. Not just because it is Christmas ...
May you carry a piece of the magic this season has the opportunity to bring to you throughout the days, months and years ahead.
I wish you a Happy Christmas and may you share the gift of happiness with those that touch your world.
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