Monday, January 21, 2019

A Night in the Life ...

Eating to stay awake is something I do well and I do it a lot. Staying awake so I can eat, however? Totally different story.

I have my annual check up today and I don't like to make two trips, so I asked what fasting may be necessary so I would be able to get any blood work done immediately. Their answer sounded so simple. "No food or liquids ten to twelve hours before the test." Easy. Right? Except they added the dreaded words "But do not go longer than twelve hours without food because that could affect the test results."

Simple. I had to eat at 10:00 last night.

Then the night came. It was 7:00 and I was tired. So tired. Normally, I would snuggle up on the couch with my chips and eat until I fell asleep. Amazingly enough, I can't eat very long because I fill up faster than I used to. Thus, my conundrum.

I couldn't eat before 10:00 because I needed to be hungry enough to eat something. AND I had to stay awake until 10:00. I felt like I was a competitor on a survival show. Stay awake. Don't eat. Then eat at 10:00 and you win your prize. You get to go to bed!

It was one of the longest, hardest nights. I made it to 9:55 and started pouring the milk on my cereal. Surely to goodness if I finished eating by 10:03, that would be close enough. Right? I hope so.

A late night with the added complication of no coffee this morning has me longing for bedtime tonight. I may just come home from this appointment and sleep for a while.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Word Quota Exceeded

I have been an active participant in interesting, life affirming, fun and totally enjoyable conversations for a minimum of 12 solid hours, over the course of the past 60 hours. There are no words left in me.

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Freedom

There is great comfort in routine for me. I thrive on sameness, predictability and repetition. Is it really any wonder why I label my life as "rinse and repeat daily"?

I have been up for two hours.

I have made my bed and washed/dried/put away a load of clothes. I have lingered over my morning smoothie and coffee while spending the better part of an hour devoted to my Sudoku and word puzzle addiction; followed by over an hour on Facebook.

Facebook was speaking to me, so I scribbled down the words which spoke the words I would like to remember and repeat aloud as needed.

I have reached out (in an electronic kind of way) to a few people and I'm expecting a callback from a friend I haven't talked to in a while.

I brought up a box of miscellaneous items which have stockpiled in my bedroom and I WILL sort through these items at some point today.

I have only a few "hard things" on my agenda today. Followed by an evening out with a friend.

Life is good. It is so good. When I knocked over my glass full of frozen ingredients for my smoothie, before adding the liquid to the mix, I was simply grateful. Everything landed on the counter top so nothing was wasted. I scooped up my frozen berries and simply said "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" to the ceiling above.

I have so much. I have the gift of a predictable life with everything that comforts me all within reach. I am comforted by this fact. Our home is my oasis here on earth. For others, this is not the case. How you feel about what you already have is a choice.

"Happiness isn't about getting what you want all of the time. It's about loving what you have and being grateful for it." (Author unknown)

Of all that passed through my consciousness this morning, this is what spoke the most loudly to me:


I choose freedom.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Tapped Out

I'm starting to fade. We are eighteen days into January and my new and improved plan to lead an intentional life. I'm tuckering out.

Is it the weather? It is -32ยบ outside. It's COLD out there. It's nice and cozy inside. I want to stay home.

Is it my working hours? Being out of the house for ten+ hours is hard. So hard. I love being at home. Renovated or not. Nestled up inside this warm, cozy cocoon is exactly where I want to be. The long days are taking a toll.

Is it time? I've been revved up and trying to do this "living an intentional life" thing right for eighteen days, minus two Sundays where my ambition and drive withered up and disappeared, thus returning me to my cocoon state for one much needed day of rest after six hard days of life. I'm simply in need of an extra "Sunday" this week.

Is it the upcoming renovation project? As daunting as I know it will be, I think the idea of renovating is fuelling me. This is good.

Is it the outpouring of cash? The dollar signs are flashing through my mind as I try to forecast my financial future. I know it will be okay. But it is hard.

Is it the up and coming commitments I have on the horizon? I don't think so. I'm actually very much looking forward to my upcoming weekend plans. I do love the fact that my ability to look forward to and anticipate extra curricular activities has returned. To a point.

I simply don't have the energy, motivation or desire for "more". I am not looking for anything beyond what already exists here within my cozy little world. I'm not looking for anything beyond what I already have. I am content. So content.

I thrive on quiet and alone time. Solitude fortifies and restores me. That ... and light. It is 8:30 a.m., I just cracked the blinds open a little and the sky is starting to show signs of lightening.

The days are a little longer. The weather is a little colder. It is January. I am simply craving a "snow day".

I don't know why I stopped to write here today other than the fact I'm trying to restore the habit of writing into my days. That, and taking care of my feet. Yes, I tend to my cuticles and buff my calloused feet every time I bath. Adding ONE good habit at a time.

I have added writing and foot-care into my daily regimen. That is enough.

The end.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

The Renovation Dance

The old adage of taking life "one step at a time" is hard to follow when tackling the idea of a home renovation.

It is a little bit like the hip bone's connected to "the thigh bone and the thigh bone's connected to the hip bone" song.

My song sounds a little like this:

The floor board's connected to the wall boards; the baseboard's connected to those wall boards; casing's connected to those wall boards; and then there's the ceiling...

Verse two is a little like this:

The entrance's connected to the kitchen; the kitchen's connected to the living room; the living room's connected to the hallway; the bedroom's could be left for another day; but while we're doing the renovating dance, it's best to do it all the way.

Then I started thinking of the painting and the kitchen has a verse unto itself:

The floors are connected to the cupboards; the cupboards are connected to the counter tops; the counters are connected to (my desire for) a back splash; and I'm doing it all again.

Where does one start and stop in a project such as this? I am quite certain I will berate myself for not just doing ONE room at a time. But, you know how the song goes. One room is connected to the other and so on and so forth. 

We're doing the Renovation Dance!

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

The Planets Have Aligned

I have set the wheels in motion. I am starting a new project. I'm calling it Home and Life Renovation - Phase I

I have ordered flooring for the entire main floor of our home. My Wise Son advised me that while the rooms were already empty, this would be a perfect time to paint. And change the baseboards. And door mouldings. And ... I cannot even begin to fathom where this story will end.

What I DO see, is a vision of turning what was once a daycare home into a warm and inviting family home again. It is still a home with cats so furnishings will remain until said felines no longer shed hair on this earth.

I can VISUALIZE a space where I can sit, be still and feel the contentment that comes from having our home reflect the life I am presently living.

I foresee a time where I start inviting life back into our home. My fortress of solitude will become a space I WANT to share.

I can FEEL the energy starting to resurface. I have a plan. I will move forward from here. I must move forward from this point. I am committed to this plan.

I know this will feel overwhelming. I know I will be frustrated with time and energy limitations. I know this is the biggest renovation project I have undertaken to date.

I also know ... I am not alone. My son has offered his assistance. He not only has a full time job and is taking on two on-line courses but he lives an hour away and has his own home, relationship and herd of cats to tend.

I am beyond fortunate to not only have his offer of assistance but his gentle nudge, opinion and nod of approval as needed. I will not abuse this gift.

The planets are literally aligning and saying "This is a magical chapter so use this cosmic flow ..."

Photo/quote credit to: Alex Myles

"Dream big & know - the Universe is supporting you." Who am I to argue with that logic?

If I build it ... (I'm living in my Field of Dreams again)

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

The Perfect Fit

The moment I walked into the kitchen this morning, I was greeted by the NEW sound of our new-to-us fridge. It doesn't "tick". It doesn't ooze "green stuff". Packing tape is not holding pieces together. It isn't scratched up (though it does have a small dent on the door). We have upgraded from "almond" to a new and improved "white" fridge. And it fits into the spot like Cinderella's shoe.

One of my catch phrases is "I hate change!!", so you can only imagine how excited I am to feel good about this change for the better within our home.

I am dreaming of the changes I hope to see happen within our home. Last year, I was lost and feeling a little restless. I loved the feeling of flying high over the landscape and was slightly intoxicated by the feeling of being in between destinations.

Last year, I was quite literally in between "then" and "now".

I wasn't ready to leap into my new world. It was there, ready, waiting and needing me. I did what I had to do to push myself through that year.

This year I feel ready.

I am ready to forge into the world that has been waiting for me all along. I have felt paralyzed. Not wanting to spend "Mom's money". No ambition to wade through all of Mom's papers, memories and history I thought was so important to save. Not ready to create a permanent home for Mom's books.

I didn't feel ready for anything beyond getting through the day. When that passed, I felt ready to "escape". Flying off into the sunset felt wonderful. The people, the destinations, the journey were exactly what I wanted and needed.

But this year? I'm loving the sound of the hum of our new fridge. I am eager to take the next step forward into recreating a renewed feeling of "home" within these walls which became synonymous with definition of "daycare". It is time to turn this house back into a home instead of a place of business.

It all started with a fridge which is the perfect fit. Today? A fridge. Tomorrow?? The world!!! (or at least maybe a new-to-me white stove to co-ordinate with our white fridge)


*Note how it fits snugly between the cupboard which had been previously cut out by a previous owner. The fridge fits but the decor must change (much too much "beige"). ONE thing at a time. Patience, young grasshopper. Patience!