In my 'previous life', I seemed to find friendships based on mutual suffering. Few of those 21+ year old friendships survived the transition into my 'new life' but one special friendship comes to mind that survived the good, the bad and the ugly ...
It's not a friendship based only happy times or times of suffering. It is a friendship based on who we are. We've seen each other through the the best of times and the worst of times. We speak the same language. We don't hold onto the pain ... but we talk about it, confront it, take what we can learn from it and carry on. We reflect on past experiences and we can see the positive things that we salvaged from a negative experience. We realize and accept the fact that we wouldn't be where and who we are today, if we hadn't travelled the road we were on. We've each had our moments of anger and bitterness. We lived through the emotion, embraced it as long as we had to ... but in the end, we searched for the lesson we needed to learn. We retained the lesson but learned to let go of the pain.
As I think of all of the positive friendships/relationships that I have made in my 'new life', they all embrace this same concept.
I have empathy for people who are experiencing and have experienced a rough patch in life. Every one has them. Some are more vocal about it than others, but no one goes through life unchallenged in some way.
I listen, I empathize, I try to look for one morsel of good within a bad situation. I think it is good to try to get a glimpse beyond the worst moment that a person is enduring. Sometimes a person is in a position to hear it, sometimes they aren't.
In a lot of cases, there is one small step that a person can take. A baby step perhaps, but one step in a forward direction can help a person regain the feeling of taking control in an out of control situation. Once you take the first step, the second is usually easier ...
What I find most frustrating of all, is a person perpetually focusing on the negative or placing the blame on people/circumstances beyond their control. They are wasting their energy on excuses and not looking for a solution.
The solution may be a thousand steps away and taking only one small step feels inconsequential. So they take no action. They are paralyzed with fear, feeling overwhelmed and inadequate ... and taking a step in a different direction, takes them one step away from where they are at. Sometimes they are simply not ready. They stew and continue to stay stuck instead of taking one step in a new direction.
The best way to ensure repeating mistakes of the past, is to continue reacting to them in the same way. Or ... do nothing.
Look to where you want to be in life. Step out of the pain and move ahead.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Recovery
Every single time I bailed out of a relationship, I felt it was to save myself. I felt void of everything that I thought I liked about myself. Each rebuilding process after the demise of a relationship felt like I was starting from scratch. Each break up taught me something that I needed to learn.
The last process of recovery has been my best one yet. I have developed an inner belief that any one or anything that detracts from this inner serenity and happiness, is some one or something that I don't want/need regular exposure to.
It is still a learning experience to expose myself to all personality types and appreciate what I can from their vantage point. But ... not at the expense of either party eroding the essence of the other person.
I will not allow some one to take away what I have built inside of myself. I have an internal barometer that measures the 'happy factor' within me, after an encounter with some one.
They can have their views and ways of dealing (or not dealing) with their life experiences. But I will not and can not embrace and encourage a friendship with some one who drains me of 'all that is good'.
If a personal encounter doesn't leave me feeling uplifted, reflective and encouraged ... I don't pursue it.
And that's all I have to say about that.
The last process of recovery has been my best one yet. I have developed an inner belief that any one or anything that detracts from this inner serenity and happiness, is some one or something that I don't want/need regular exposure to.
It is still a learning experience to expose myself to all personality types and appreciate what I can from their vantage point. But ... not at the expense of either party eroding the essence of the other person.
I will not allow some one to take away what I have built inside of myself. I have an internal barometer that measures the 'happy factor' within me, after an encounter with some one.
They can have their views and ways of dealing (or not dealing) with their life experiences. But I will not and can not embrace and encourage a friendship with some one who drains me of 'all that is good'.
If a personal encounter doesn't leave me feeling uplifted, reflective and encouraged ... I don't pursue it.
And that's all I have to say about that.
The Pessimist Verses the Optimist
I have recently heard that there is something in a person's genetic make-up that predetermines their inclination towards being an optimist or a pessimist.
I am not a firm believer of using genetics as a scape goat. Even if one is genetically inclined to behave in one way, I think that personal choice is the other part of that equation (it's all about math to me).
Anyway ... (small side bar to explain my belief that addictive behaviors linked to genetic predisposition is not an excuse but a reason to make conscious choices to be the opposite).
Back to my topic ...
As I am collecting memories from my dad's family, I am blessed to have the opportunity to build a memory of my grandpa (who I have little or no memory of). I have been collecting photos and I have a vivid picture in my mind of his physical appearance. As I collect memories, I am gaining a mental image of who he was inside.
In a word, he would be best described as an optimist. During the depression years, his often recalled quote is "Next year can't be worse." Little did he know at the time, that the next year would be as bad or worse. But instead of looking back, he looked ahead. He was a planner and a risk taker. He looked at the bright side.
I've been told that this quality was one on his maternal side. Thus, attributing these traits to his family surname could be wrong. This trait could be traced back to his mother's maiden surname.
Again! I digress. But I do have a point here. There appears to be a genetic link to this optimistic view of life. I truly believe (and try to enhance) that I have been blessed with this optimistic attitude. To think that it is connected to my unremembered grandpa and his mom's side of the family and to hope that it is a gift that I can pass along to my own children is the best legacy I can think of.
Again ... I fall off of my topic ...
As I explore my family history and some 'opposites attract' scenarios in my dad's family, I posed the question to my uncles, if they thought that may have been the case with my grandma and grandma.
Grandma was somewhat introverted and a worrier. Grandpa was more outgoing and a risk taker. In recollections where I've heard Grandpa and Grandma's (remembered) thoughts on the same topic, Grandma's thoughts seemed to reflect the negative side of the 'what if' scenario. Grandpa's also looked at the 'what if' and saw the positive.
Not to put labels on them, but each had an individual and differing dominant pessimistic or optimistic nature. According to my research, this does add credence to my opposites attract theory in their case.
In Michael J. Fox's documentary focusing on researching the optimistic nature of his personality/his book (Always Looking Up), there was research documented on the optimist verses the pessimist personality.
It was learned that each personality has their unique way of looking at life and using their dominant optimistic/pessimistic way of thinking, to provide a different way of problem resolution. To force a pessimist to 'look on the bright side' is as frustrating to them, as it is for the optimist to be inundated with negativity. They will each come to a solution, but in their individual way.
I believe that it is beneficial to look at both vantage points to gain a full spectrum of thinking. I'm not so close minded as to believe that only looking at the bright side is the right way. I don't mind being challenged in my thinking and given a new perspective. I like to believe that this dynamic worked for my grandparents and it does explain the attraction of a past relationship of my own. But ...
I don't believe a relationship should result in the subtle erosion of a person's natural born ability to perceive life's experience in the way that is natural to them.
When a person can look at the differences that attracted them to a person in the first place, and accept and embrace them it is good. The problem of real-life, is that those very opposite things that attract people are the very things that act as repellents as familiarity and comfort levels allow each party to voice their opinion of the other's way of thinking.
To take away an optimist's feeling of hope and brightness of the future is like snuffing out a dream and the essence of who they are. To tell a pessimist not to worry and hope for the best? Well .... I'm an optimist, so I don't see the harm in that. But it does undermine the person that they are. And nothing good can come of not accepting your partner 'warts and all'.
I am not a firm believer of using genetics as a scape goat. Even if one is genetically inclined to behave in one way, I think that personal choice is the other part of that equation (it's all about math to me).
Anyway ... (small side bar to explain my belief that addictive behaviors linked to genetic predisposition is not an excuse but a reason to make conscious choices to be the opposite).
Back to my topic ...
As I am collecting memories from my dad's family, I am blessed to have the opportunity to build a memory of my grandpa (who I have little or no memory of). I have been collecting photos and I have a vivid picture in my mind of his physical appearance. As I collect memories, I am gaining a mental image of who he was inside.
In a word, he would be best described as an optimist. During the depression years, his often recalled quote is "Next year can't be worse." Little did he know at the time, that the next year would be as bad or worse. But instead of looking back, he looked ahead. He was a planner and a risk taker. He looked at the bright side.
I've been told that this quality was one on his maternal side. Thus, attributing these traits to his family surname could be wrong. This trait could be traced back to his mother's maiden surname.
Again! I digress. But I do have a point here. There appears to be a genetic link to this optimistic view of life. I truly believe (and try to enhance) that I have been blessed with this optimistic attitude. To think that it is connected to my unremembered grandpa and his mom's side of the family and to hope that it is a gift that I can pass along to my own children is the best legacy I can think of.
Again ... I fall off of my topic ...
As I explore my family history and some 'opposites attract' scenarios in my dad's family, I posed the question to my uncles, if they thought that may have been the case with my grandma and grandma.
Grandma was somewhat introverted and a worrier. Grandpa was more outgoing and a risk taker. In recollections where I've heard Grandpa and Grandma's (remembered) thoughts on the same topic, Grandma's thoughts seemed to reflect the negative side of the 'what if' scenario. Grandpa's also looked at the 'what if' and saw the positive.
Not to put labels on them, but each had an individual and differing dominant pessimistic or optimistic nature. According to my research, this does add credence to my opposites attract theory in their case.
In Michael J. Fox's documentary focusing on researching the optimistic nature of his personality/his book (Always Looking Up), there was research documented on the optimist verses the pessimist personality.
It was learned that each personality has their unique way of looking at life and using their dominant optimistic/pessimistic way of thinking, to provide a different way of problem resolution. To force a pessimist to 'look on the bright side' is as frustrating to them, as it is for the optimist to be inundated with negativity. They will each come to a solution, but in their individual way.
I believe that it is beneficial to look at both vantage points to gain a full spectrum of thinking. I'm not so close minded as to believe that only looking at the bright side is the right way. I don't mind being challenged in my thinking and given a new perspective. I like to believe that this dynamic worked for my grandparents and it does explain the attraction of a past relationship of my own. But ...
I don't believe a relationship should result in the subtle erosion of a person's natural born ability to perceive life's experience in the way that is natural to them.
When a person can look at the differences that attracted them to a person in the first place, and accept and embrace them it is good. The problem of real-life, is that those very opposite things that attract people are the very things that act as repellents as familiarity and comfort levels allow each party to voice their opinion of the other's way of thinking.
To take away an optimist's feeling of hope and brightness of the future is like snuffing out a dream and the essence of who they are. To tell a pessimist not to worry and hope for the best? Well .... I'm an optimist, so I don't see the harm in that. But it does undermine the person that they are. And nothing good can come of not accepting your partner 'warts and all'.
Expectations
"Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed"
I know better. I've tried to teach my kids better. But I still fall into the trap of setting myself up for disappointment. I tend to get excited about the way that I expect something to happen.
First times are often the best times. Because something is new and never-before-experienced, you may have hopes but you don't have the bar set too high. If the anticipation level is low, you can often meet or exceed it.
Second and third times are a little bit like losing the 'magic of Christmas'. That ideal Christmas that just can't be beat. Expectations and the hype of the season ... learning that there is no Santa Claus ... growing up and becoming jaded when your expectations exceed the reality.
Look at children ...
You start out in life, expecting nothing. Everything is a fresh, new experience. There has been no standard set, so everything is new and a wonder to behold. Every time is "the best one yet."
It happens so gradually - the process of trying to recapture the magic that happened before. There is a little deflation, as you think this isn't what I expected ... or as good as the last time. The reality is, that in all likelihood it probably was as good as the last time. But as humans, we subconsciously expect it to be better.
I tried my best to keep my children from experiencing the let down of those magical times (birthdays and Christmas). We celebrated the day, but not in a hyped up way. I went along with the idea of Santa ... but I didn't lie to my kids and say there was one either. My intent was to try and make a special occasion or day a small family experience. Not too much hype and hopefully, not too much disappointment.
You can't protect your kids from disappointment. It comes in many forms. Maybe my kids didn't feel let down from not having expectations dashed ... but they felt the loss of not feeling the magic of anticipating something to start with. Or is it natural for a child to get excited ... and I tamped down that emotion and it was a double whammy of disappointment?
The magical moments do stand out. The year my oldest son (who was always in need of batteries and those were the meager living/strict budgeting days), got a battery charger for Christmas and was thrilled. My sister can still conger up that image, as she recalls her memory of that momentous Christmas.
Before the days of social interaction and the inevitable question "What did you get for Christmas?" from their peers, kids are so easily pleased. One Christmas, my middle son's request from Santa was for crayons and something equally as meager. It was the year that he opened up one gift and immediately sat down and played with it. He opened up his crayons and coloring book and his Christmas was complete. He got what he asked for and he colored. Expectations met, he was satisfied.
That brings me to today. We celebrated my youngest son's 11th birthday ...
Mistake #1 - we tried to recapture the magic of his 10th birthday. He was quoted as saying "This is my best birthday yet!" To try to meet and exceed that was a recipe for disaster.
We invited the same kids plus had the same theme idea. That equalled expectations. Nothing went according to plan.
I thought that this would give us the opportunity to create a new memory. I had back up plans (that unfortunately relied on the weather and the weather didn't co-operate). The fortunate thing is, that it was a sleep over. In other words, a 'do-over' opportunity this morning. "I've still got time ..." (my favorite Disney quote ) to turn this around.
I explored the Yellow Pages (we are in a hotel and I have no access to my Google connection) and I have Plans A, B, C & D to try and save the day.
This 11th birthday may be "the worst birthday yet" ... but it's good to have that experience under your belt. From here on in, it can only get better?
P.S. There is a lot to be said for a surprise party. NO expectations!
I know better. I've tried to teach my kids better. But I still fall into the trap of setting myself up for disappointment. I tend to get excited about the way that I expect something to happen.
First times are often the best times. Because something is new and never-before-experienced, you may have hopes but you don't have the bar set too high. If the anticipation level is low, you can often meet or exceed it.
Second and third times are a little bit like losing the 'magic of Christmas'. That ideal Christmas that just can't be beat. Expectations and the hype of the season ... learning that there is no Santa Claus ... growing up and becoming jaded when your expectations exceed the reality.
Look at children ...
You start out in life, expecting nothing. Everything is a fresh, new experience. There has been no standard set, so everything is new and a wonder to behold. Every time is "the best one yet."
It happens so gradually - the process of trying to recapture the magic that happened before. There is a little deflation, as you think this isn't what I expected ... or as good as the last time. The reality is, that in all likelihood it probably was as good as the last time. But as humans, we subconsciously expect it to be better.
I tried my best to keep my children from experiencing the let down of those magical times (birthdays and Christmas). We celebrated the day, but not in a hyped up way. I went along with the idea of Santa ... but I didn't lie to my kids and say there was one either. My intent was to try and make a special occasion or day a small family experience. Not too much hype and hopefully, not too much disappointment.
You can't protect your kids from disappointment. It comes in many forms. Maybe my kids didn't feel let down from not having expectations dashed ... but they felt the loss of not feeling the magic of anticipating something to start with. Or is it natural for a child to get excited ... and I tamped down that emotion and it was a double whammy of disappointment?
The magical moments do stand out. The year my oldest son (who was always in need of batteries and those were the meager living/strict budgeting days), got a battery charger for Christmas and was thrilled. My sister can still conger up that image, as she recalls her memory of that momentous Christmas.
Before the days of social interaction and the inevitable question "What did you get for Christmas?" from their peers, kids are so easily pleased. One Christmas, my middle son's request from Santa was for crayons and something equally as meager. It was the year that he opened up one gift and immediately sat down and played with it. He opened up his crayons and coloring book and his Christmas was complete. He got what he asked for and he colored. Expectations met, he was satisfied.
That brings me to today. We celebrated my youngest son's 11th birthday ...
Mistake #1 - we tried to recapture the magic of his 10th birthday. He was quoted as saying "This is my best birthday yet!" To try to meet and exceed that was a recipe for disaster.
We invited the same kids plus had the same theme idea. That equalled expectations. Nothing went according to plan.
I thought that this would give us the opportunity to create a new memory. I had back up plans (that unfortunately relied on the weather and the weather didn't co-operate). The fortunate thing is, that it was a sleep over. In other words, a 'do-over' opportunity this morning. "I've still got time ..." (my favorite Disney quote ) to turn this around.
I explored the Yellow Pages (we are in a hotel and I have no access to my Google connection) and I have Plans A, B, C & D to try and save the day.
This 11th birthday may be "the worst birthday yet" ... but it's good to have that experience under your belt. From here on in, it can only get better?
P.S. There is a lot to be said for a surprise party. NO expectations!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Persistance
Well, my journey in trying to put a cap on this out of control weight gain is long and never ending ...
I honestly thought that I had it licked when I turned it into a math equation. Consume "X" amount of calories + burn "X" amount of calories = gradual weight loss. The equation is right, but my execution of the plan wasn't ideal.
I did well for several weeks, then I went on my first binge. I truly believe my binges are triggered by sugar. Once triggered, watch out. I'm on a full blown rampage.
Despite my bad food consumption days, I continued to exercise. In fact, I became more dedicated to burning those excessive calories I seemed powerless over consuming. I thought that even if I kept the fitness goal in mind, all is not lost.
I kept tracking my eating habits in my 'food journal', I kept my graph updated. I have 3 different lines on the same graph that track my calories consumed, calories burned and my weight.
I continued to make healthy grocery purchases. Even when I was on my binges, I was (usually - not always) consuming excess amounts of healthier and low calorie snacks. It was the quantity that was my problem.
I kept telling myself "tomorrow is a new day." I wouldn't let one day's failure take me off the course I was on. Then I would flip the page of my journal and think "it's a new page ... a clean slate ... try, try again."
All the while, I watched the lines on my graph. No matter how bad the calorie intake got, it rarely exceeded my previous eating habits. Things weren't perfect ... but they were better.
The other graph that encouraged me was the one that tracks my weight on the Wii Fit. I would not recommend weighing yourself daily. It is frightening and discouraging. But if you do ... make sure that you can look at a '3 month view' of your weight. I took another look at that this morning, and over the course of this calorie budgeting system my fluctuating weight has shifted downward one quadrant on their graph. I have definitely lost some of my recent weight and I have shifted myself to a new 'average' weight.
This week, I did a few things that I feel may be a turning point. I've said this before and I'm sure I'll say it again ... but this time, I truly feel like I'm onto a new way of thinking about food. I think.
#1 - I bought a 'Slim Fast' meal shake mix. On the can, it recommends having a Slim Fast shake for breakfast and lunch; have fruit for a morning and afternoon snack; add a salad with low fat dressing for lunch; eat a sensible, well balanced supper and have a light evening snack.
Hmmm ... I immediately had a Slim Fast shake for supper after I came home with my new found answer-to-all-of-my-problems. It suggested adding fruit, so I ended up recreating my morning smoothie plus the calories from the Slim Fast mix. This was not a good bargain in the calorie department (it sure tasted good though).
So I revised my plan for the next morning - I had my regular breakfast smoothie. I combine cranberry juice, a banana, frozen orange juice plus strawberries to my milk so it contains a fair amount of calories. But it jump starts my day and sustains me until lunch. If it's not broken, don't fix it.
I had a nectarine for my later morning snack; added only strawberries to the Slim Fast shake and salad for lunch; an apple for my afternoon snack and a divine supper of BBQ chicken, mixed vegetables and salad for supper; with strawberries and Cool Whip (just a bit) for dessert. I was totally satisfied and fulfilled in every way. My feet were killing me that evening, so after supper I sat still with my feet soaking in a bubbling/massaging foot spa that I purchased at a garage sale last weekend as I sipped on a cup of mint green tea as I read my book. Ahhh ... what a life! I felt so good, that I exercised for 2 hours after that. By the time I was ready for bed, I was totally satisfied. No need to gorge myself with food. I felt at peace with the day without my usual food rewards (though I did grab a 45 calorie fudgicle as I watched TV the last few minutes of my waking hours that day).
#2 - I have been devoted to my exercise plan - I work it in at some point during the day. It has taken up a lot of my time in the evenings this week, so it has done double duty by not only burning calories ... but preventing me from consuming a day's worth of calories after supper.
#3 - I sat down with my food journal and I itemized breakfast, lunch, supper and snacks that I enjoy (and are a good calorie bargain). I sat down and did the math. If I had my breakfast smoothie, the Slim Fast shake with fruit, plus a few fruit snacks during the day ... what choices did that leave me with for supper? I juggled the books. This is what I do best - juggling around a finite number amount and making it work.
I guess I needed to track my failures and successes to try and find what did and didn't work for me. I know these things:
- I am an emotional eater. I eat for a variety of reasons, all of which are triggered by something I'm feeling internally. None of my binges were triggered by hunger.
- I am a closet eater. If I'm around people, I don't need food. I could eat 1/2 of my regularly allotted calories and be perfectly content because I am being fulfilled with people in my life.
- Food is a reward for me. I remember this from my childhood, as I requested having deep fried french fries (and nothing else) for lunch to celebrate something good that had happened to me. The taste sensations of that one weekly trip to McDonald's on Sunday evening as we sat down and watched 'The Wonderful World of Disney' together. The special can of Pringles that was bought as a treat that was shared by the whole family as we watched a special on TV. I have taken that reward system to the excess.
- Sugar is a trigger. One taste of sugar sends me on a craving frenzy. Sugar makes me crave salt; salt makes me crave fatty foods; fatty foods make me crave pop; pop = sugar ... and on we go!
- I need to plan my meals. If I know ahead of time what I will be having for supper, I can put the cravings on hold so that I can appreciate my meal. There is something to be said for anticipating what is on the menu. It sets up your taste buds for something good and healthy and alleviates that desire to fill up on something instead of supper.
The most important lesson I've learned is to focus on what is working ... and persist. As my uncle just wrote to me, about something totally unrelated to weight (quoting my Grandma) ... "Rome wasn't built in a day" (and neither was this weight gain).
Onward!
I honestly thought that I had it licked when I turned it into a math equation. Consume "X" amount of calories + burn "X" amount of calories = gradual weight loss. The equation is right, but my execution of the plan wasn't ideal.
I did well for several weeks, then I went on my first binge. I truly believe my binges are triggered by sugar. Once triggered, watch out. I'm on a full blown rampage.
Despite my bad food consumption days, I continued to exercise. In fact, I became more dedicated to burning those excessive calories I seemed powerless over consuming. I thought that even if I kept the fitness goal in mind, all is not lost.
I kept tracking my eating habits in my 'food journal', I kept my graph updated. I have 3 different lines on the same graph that track my calories consumed, calories burned and my weight.
I continued to make healthy grocery purchases. Even when I was on my binges, I was (usually - not always) consuming excess amounts of healthier and low calorie snacks. It was the quantity that was my problem.
I kept telling myself "tomorrow is a new day." I wouldn't let one day's failure take me off the course I was on. Then I would flip the page of my journal and think "it's a new page ... a clean slate ... try, try again."
All the while, I watched the lines on my graph. No matter how bad the calorie intake got, it rarely exceeded my previous eating habits. Things weren't perfect ... but they were better.
The other graph that encouraged me was the one that tracks my weight on the Wii Fit. I would not recommend weighing yourself daily. It is frightening and discouraging. But if you do ... make sure that you can look at a '3 month view' of your weight. I took another look at that this morning, and over the course of this calorie budgeting system my fluctuating weight has shifted downward one quadrant on their graph. I have definitely lost some of my recent weight and I have shifted myself to a new 'average' weight.
This week, I did a few things that I feel may be a turning point. I've said this before and I'm sure I'll say it again ... but this time, I truly feel like I'm onto a new way of thinking about food. I think.
#1 - I bought a 'Slim Fast' meal shake mix. On the can, it recommends having a Slim Fast shake for breakfast and lunch; have fruit for a morning and afternoon snack; add a salad with low fat dressing for lunch; eat a sensible, well balanced supper and have a light evening snack.
Hmmm ... I immediately had a Slim Fast shake for supper after I came home with my new found answer-to-all-of-my-problems. It suggested adding fruit, so I ended up recreating my morning smoothie plus the calories from the Slim Fast mix. This was not a good bargain in the calorie department (it sure tasted good though).
So I revised my plan for the next morning - I had my regular breakfast smoothie. I combine cranberry juice, a banana, frozen orange juice plus strawberries to my milk so it contains a fair amount of calories. But it jump starts my day and sustains me until lunch. If it's not broken, don't fix it.
I had a nectarine for my later morning snack; added only strawberries to the Slim Fast shake and salad for lunch; an apple for my afternoon snack and a divine supper of BBQ chicken, mixed vegetables and salad for supper; with strawberries and Cool Whip (just a bit) for dessert. I was totally satisfied and fulfilled in every way. My feet were killing me that evening, so after supper I sat still with my feet soaking in a bubbling/massaging foot spa that I purchased at a garage sale last weekend as I sipped on a cup of mint green tea as I read my book. Ahhh ... what a life! I felt so good, that I exercised for 2 hours after that. By the time I was ready for bed, I was totally satisfied. No need to gorge myself with food. I felt at peace with the day without my usual food rewards (though I did grab a 45 calorie fudgicle as I watched TV the last few minutes of my waking hours that day).
#2 - I have been devoted to my exercise plan - I work it in at some point during the day. It has taken up a lot of my time in the evenings this week, so it has done double duty by not only burning calories ... but preventing me from consuming a day's worth of calories after supper.
#3 - I sat down with my food journal and I itemized breakfast, lunch, supper and snacks that I enjoy (and are a good calorie bargain). I sat down and did the math. If I had my breakfast smoothie, the Slim Fast shake with fruit, plus a few fruit snacks during the day ... what choices did that leave me with for supper? I juggled the books. This is what I do best - juggling around a finite number amount and making it work.
I guess I needed to track my failures and successes to try and find what did and didn't work for me. I know these things:
- I am an emotional eater. I eat for a variety of reasons, all of which are triggered by something I'm feeling internally. None of my binges were triggered by hunger.
- I am a closet eater. If I'm around people, I don't need food. I could eat 1/2 of my regularly allotted calories and be perfectly content because I am being fulfilled with people in my life.
- Food is a reward for me. I remember this from my childhood, as I requested having deep fried french fries (and nothing else) for lunch to celebrate something good that had happened to me. The taste sensations of that one weekly trip to McDonald's on Sunday evening as we sat down and watched 'The Wonderful World of Disney' together. The special can of Pringles that was bought as a treat that was shared by the whole family as we watched a special on TV. I have taken that reward system to the excess.
- Sugar is a trigger. One taste of sugar sends me on a craving frenzy. Sugar makes me crave salt; salt makes me crave fatty foods; fatty foods make me crave pop; pop = sugar ... and on we go!
- I need to plan my meals. If I know ahead of time what I will be having for supper, I can put the cravings on hold so that I can appreciate my meal. There is something to be said for anticipating what is on the menu. It sets up your taste buds for something good and healthy and alleviates that desire to fill up on something instead of supper.
The most important lesson I've learned is to focus on what is working ... and persist. As my uncle just wrote to me, about something totally unrelated to weight (quoting my Grandma) ... "Rome wasn't built in a day" (and neither was this weight gain).
Onward!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
A Weight Off My Shoulders
As I went on and on about my system of keeping myself organized yesterday, I wondered why so many words were coming out of my finger tips on the subject. I now realize that these many 'piles' were getting to me.
As I wrote, I tended to many tedious tasks. All very small, but one by one I started to make some of the outstanding jobs disappear.
As the day progressed, more and more areas were cleared off. The white board was almost erased; an application form finally completed and mailed; coupons dealt with and off the counter; many little 'notes to self' either dealt with or combined onto one small piece of paper. I walked by the living room table at the end of the night and did a double take. It was almost empty!
It was such a gradual thing, that I really didn't realize how things were piling up. Probably because I had things piling up in so many other areas of my life? The same could be said of how I dealt with so many small chores yesterday. It happened slowly but surely, but by the time I went to bed I felt like I had very little 'outstanding' work to do.
It's kind of like doing spring cleaning (which I don't do) or getting rid of that pile of recycling that accumulates so quickly. A person just doesn't realize how the dirt or pile is multiplying ... until it is there staring you in the face and there is no denying it.
I ended the day by exercising for a few hours and then spending the last of my energy on my book keeping job (one of those jobs that felt onerous, only because I hadn't faced up to it).
I kept my hands 'out of the cookie jar' (and everything else) all evening. I took a 45 calorie fudgicle to bed with me (as I watched TV) and I savored every morsel of that ice cream treat as my reward for a day well spent.
I woke up pretty exhausted this morning so I slept in a bit. I still wanted to do some yoga and stretch out my tired muscles. It felt wonderful.
The most surprising reward of all, is when I weighed in with my Wii Fit trainer this morning. I just hit a new 'lowest weight' record since I started keeping track. I swear that it was the weight of all the unfinished work that I was carrying around that I lost yesterday. Maybe not - because I'm sure that would have weighed a minimum of 10 pounds.
It still is a load off my mind. And my body is reflecting that! It's all good ...
As I wrote, I tended to many tedious tasks. All very small, but one by one I started to make some of the outstanding jobs disappear.
As the day progressed, more and more areas were cleared off. The white board was almost erased; an application form finally completed and mailed; coupons dealt with and off the counter; many little 'notes to self' either dealt with or combined onto one small piece of paper. I walked by the living room table at the end of the night and did a double take. It was almost empty!
It was such a gradual thing, that I really didn't realize how things were piling up. Probably because I had things piling up in so many other areas of my life? The same could be said of how I dealt with so many small chores yesterday. It happened slowly but surely, but by the time I went to bed I felt like I had very little 'outstanding' work to do.
It's kind of like doing spring cleaning (which I don't do) or getting rid of that pile of recycling that accumulates so quickly. A person just doesn't realize how the dirt or pile is multiplying ... until it is there staring you in the face and there is no denying it.
I ended the day by exercising for a few hours and then spending the last of my energy on my book keeping job (one of those jobs that felt onerous, only because I hadn't faced up to it).
I kept my hands 'out of the cookie jar' (and everything else) all evening. I took a 45 calorie fudgicle to bed with me (as I watched TV) and I savored every morsel of that ice cream treat as my reward for a day well spent.
I woke up pretty exhausted this morning so I slept in a bit. I still wanted to do some yoga and stretch out my tired muscles. It felt wonderful.
The most surprising reward of all, is when I weighed in with my Wii Fit trainer this morning. I just hit a new 'lowest weight' record since I started keeping track. I swear that it was the weight of all the unfinished work that I was carrying around that I lost yesterday. Maybe not - because I'm sure that would have weighed a minimum of 10 pounds.
It still is a load off my mind. And my body is reflecting that! It's all good ...
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Things (Were) Piling Up
I leave visual clues around the house to remind me what is left on my never ending to-do list.
The 'outgoing' stuff that I must grab when I walk out the door is on the microwave, in my shoe or already in the car so that I can't forget it. My daily reminders, lists, notes-to-self are by the fridge. Any thing that is vital (to me) to get done is on the kitchen table. On the weekend, I have the luxury of placing an end table in the living room with any 'work-in-progress' that I hope to tackle. The table in the living room is a collecting spot for my book keeping work and my family history work in progress. I have 'reminders to self' all over the place.
I set timers to remind myself of various things. Sending kids to school (I'd never want to forget that one), turning off a sprinkler or anything else that is of a time sensitive nature. I have scraps of paper to remind myself to email, write, ask or tell someone something. I write notes to myself about things I want to write about or check into. I have a whiteboard on the fridge to list upcoming dates and events and a magnetic clip beside it to hold any related paperwork.
I woke up feeling exhausted and overwhelmed Monday morning and I simply ignored everything around me. I made my breakfast smoothie, had my coffee, gave myself the morning off of exercise and just tended to myself in the 2 hours that preceded the onset of kids.
After I took that time, I went into the kitchen and simply dealt with many of the piddly little tasks that were staring me in the face. I made them disappear. It felt like a load off of my shoulders, to have the counters clear of to-do-items. I could have done it all the night before. I'm not sure why I didn't. But waking up to this small amount of to-do-overload wasn't the way I wanted to start my week.
There is my book keeping pile. The pile was quite tall at the beginning of the weekend. I was overwhelmed at what I had to accomplish. The lack of a deadline to complete the work didn't help my ambition to tackle it. But I started with the work that had the visual appearance of looking the largest (in actuality, it was the easiest job to do). It was amazing how I felt after I put 3/4 of the pile in (a new) 'done' pile. Since then, the work keeps coming and it's not going any where (it hasn't been picked up). So I have my to-do pile and my done pile. My done pile is 17 inches tall; my to-do is 1 inch. Do I feel invincible? You bet! The unfortunate part is the yet-to-be-done pile is brain intensive work. But it doesn't really matter right now, when I look at what I have accomplished.
My family history project has a few spots around the house. The albums (that have been scanned and are in the to-go-pile), the paper work that has amassed and my recorder with my many notebooks of the conversation I have transcribed. Once again, the work yet to be done has the visual appearance of taking up a small amount of space physically. The time involved to complete the task is another story.
In the (almost) 2 hours since I started this post, I have dealt with and created more cues to ensure I get as much done as I can with the time that I have available today. My 17" pile of completed book-work has been removed from the house and I feel about 10 pounds lighter.
In reality, the weight issue is still a battle I'm contending with. I must prepare the makings for a salad (empty container is on the counter so I don't forget); the nectarine that I plan to have as my mid morning snack is also in sight (to get my taste buds and mind accepting the fact that my snacks will be of a healthy variety today).
What we place in our line of vision creates what is going on inside of our minds. I should find a picture of my leaner body on the fridge (and various snack cupboards). I should design a cover for the family history books that I am working on. I should do a lot of things. I think I'll start a list ....
The 'outgoing' stuff that I must grab when I walk out the door is on the microwave, in my shoe or already in the car so that I can't forget it. My daily reminders, lists, notes-to-self are by the fridge. Any thing that is vital (to me) to get done is on the kitchen table. On the weekend, I have the luxury of placing an end table in the living room with any 'work-in-progress' that I hope to tackle. The table in the living room is a collecting spot for my book keeping work and my family history work in progress. I have 'reminders to self' all over the place.
I set timers to remind myself of various things. Sending kids to school (I'd never want to forget that one), turning off a sprinkler or anything else that is of a time sensitive nature. I have scraps of paper to remind myself to email, write, ask or tell someone something. I write notes to myself about things I want to write about or check into. I have a whiteboard on the fridge to list upcoming dates and events and a magnetic clip beside it to hold any related paperwork.
I woke up feeling exhausted and overwhelmed Monday morning and I simply ignored everything around me. I made my breakfast smoothie, had my coffee, gave myself the morning off of exercise and just tended to myself in the 2 hours that preceded the onset of kids.
After I took that time, I went into the kitchen and simply dealt with many of the piddly little tasks that were staring me in the face. I made them disappear. It felt like a load off of my shoulders, to have the counters clear of to-do-items. I could have done it all the night before. I'm not sure why I didn't. But waking up to this small amount of to-do-overload wasn't the way I wanted to start my week.
There is my book keeping pile. The pile was quite tall at the beginning of the weekend. I was overwhelmed at what I had to accomplish. The lack of a deadline to complete the work didn't help my ambition to tackle it. But I started with the work that had the visual appearance of looking the largest (in actuality, it was the easiest job to do). It was amazing how I felt after I put 3/4 of the pile in (a new) 'done' pile. Since then, the work keeps coming and it's not going any where (it hasn't been picked up). So I have my to-do pile and my done pile. My done pile is 17 inches tall; my to-do is 1 inch. Do I feel invincible? You bet! The unfortunate part is the yet-to-be-done pile is brain intensive work. But it doesn't really matter right now, when I look at what I have accomplished.
My family history project has a few spots around the house. The albums (that have been scanned and are in the to-go-pile), the paper work that has amassed and my recorder with my many notebooks of the conversation I have transcribed. Once again, the work yet to be done has the visual appearance of taking up a small amount of space physically. The time involved to complete the task is another story.
In the (almost) 2 hours since I started this post, I have dealt with and created more cues to ensure I get as much done as I can with the time that I have available today. My 17" pile of completed book-work has been removed from the house and I feel about 10 pounds lighter.
In reality, the weight issue is still a battle I'm contending with. I must prepare the makings for a salad (empty container is on the counter so I don't forget); the nectarine that I plan to have as my mid morning snack is also in sight (to get my taste buds and mind accepting the fact that my snacks will be of a healthy variety today).
What we place in our line of vision creates what is going on inside of our minds. I should find a picture of my leaner body on the fridge (and various snack cupboards). I should design a cover for the family history books that I am working on. I should do a lot of things. I think I'll start a list ....
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