Time to Begin Again

I fell off the wagon. Living an intentional life sounded so attainable. True to myself. Perfect for me. But it was harder than I thought. 

I coasted for a week. Coasted in every way possible. One would think that would refuel me in much needed ways. One would be wrong.

I have been socializing more than usual. "Peopling" wears me out. Being attuned to nature where all I have to do is show up, watch, listen and appreciate what is set before me is what fills me up when I am running on empty. 

There is nothing hard about tuning into one's surroundings, looking outside the window, stepping onto the back doorstep and breathing in the day. Yet I have not succeeded in that one small thing.

It is a new day, a new week, a fresh new start. It is time to try, try again. Forgive myself for slipping and get back on the wagon.

Forgive myself and take the next step forward. Rinse and repeat. Words we could all live by?

Body Heal Thyself

The longer I live, the less I take this body for granted. The more often I hear of those whose body has started faltering and not working the way it used to, the more often I recognize and silently thank my body for simply doing what it has always done when it heals or recovers.

I once took an anatomy class and learned how each of our body organs has a purpose and if one organ is in jeopardy, the body automatically does what it can do to protect the major organs or take what it needs from other body functions to take care of what is in need. Hypothermia, burns, pregnancy all come to mind as I type those words. 

The more I learned about anatomy and how one organ failing could trigger a chain reaction that could either save a life or end it, I felt it was nothing short of a miracle when I awoke the next morning and everything worked as expected.

Growing older is something we all must adapt to one way or another. I find myself surrounded by people late in life (the result of finding myself later in life than I used to be) and I am accumulating a small wish list of what I hope for as the years unfold. Sometimes our state of mind can influence the state of aging but there is only so much we can control.

My sisters recall Dad commenting that with a heart attack (which he was genetically inclined to have), you go fast. Not like cancer where one could linger on. Sounds black and white. Until one has a major heart attack and is brought back from the brink of death without oxygen to the brain for longer than the brain can recover from. No one saw that coming.

Life is like that. We cannot become consumed in all of the ifs, ands and maybes. We can only deal with what we have and live our days as best as we can. When we wake up ready to face the day in manner we have become accustomed to, we are beyond fortunate. I am grateful for what I have. But I am equally sorrowful for those who are fighting to regain their equilibrium. 

Body heal thyself. It is but a small wish I wish for you. Today and all days.

Best Under Pressure

I stepped into June knowing it would be a tough month. I had a job to do and there was no option. It had to be done. And it was.

As busy as I knew the month would be, I added more to my personal to-do-list than I have done in a very long time. I got up early so I had time to walk, do my puzzles, write and tend to a few things around the house before I opened the door to my work-from-home day job. I went to my second job after that. Then wound up the day early, satisfied with what I had accomplished in the day.

Then all deadlines were met. And I crashed.

I have taken up sleeping in and all but given up walking. After a long, hard month at my work-from-home-job with no holiday in sight, I deemed this week a "mental holiday" break. I have done what must be done. I am home and available to take all calls and manage whatever work may come my way. But I'm resting my mental muscle and coasting.

It feels like the perfect holiday. 

Except the minute I don't have (what feels like) a million things to do, the smallest of jobs I normally squeeze into my regularly scheduled life feel onerous. 

There is a saying that goes something to the effect of "If you need something done, ask a busy person."

How true it is. Last month? I was conquering my world. This month is officially one week old and I am barely managing my world.

It is a hard truth but I do believe I am grateful for the deadlines within my life. They push me where I need to be and help me become the person I am capable of becoming.

Who knew?

Magic and Miracles

I often marvel at the magical and rather miraculous little life I live.

It is a simple life measured by small regularly occurring miracles such as good health, living in a safe/comfortable/affordable home (and country) which houses all of my needs/wants/desires. 

I have the ability to provide for myself and be self reliant. 

I am beyond grateful for the supportive community of family and friends.

I am content and at peace with where I am, who I am and where I think I'm headed.

I live in a magical fairy tale land where I create stories and happy endings to put the story-teller part of my mind at rest.

It is a wonderful little life I am living.

Then? I looked at the household products I reached for this morning:

MAGIC Eraser

MIRACLE Cloth

Can this stuff be bought? Maybe.

Whatever little things it takes to add a dash of magic and small miracles to your day, may you find just a few little magical moments as you navigate throughout the hard day in front of you.

May the force be with you!

Back in the Saddle Again

I woke up to a bird choir singing outside my window and the soothing sound of a distant train whistle when my eyes popped open at 5:00 this morning. My chosen wake-up time. My favorite sounds. Ahhhh.

It has been a chaotic time for my tired brain. Bookkeeping deadlines, tending to my aunt's housekeeping/grocery/misc needs in four days instead of five, then my own household requirements (no time for groceries there), packing what I wanted to take to my weekend oasis and heading out there in time to mow the half acre of  "lawn" (I am exaggerating the square footage but that is what it feels like when I'm mowing and use the word lawn hesitantly as the grass is sparse, I over-sprayed for weeds and killed off a fair bit and our regular rains didn't water what was left of the grass so I kicked up a LOT of dust as I mowed) before the weekend began. 

I was already prepared for company but got a side order of distraction when the fridge at my little oasis quit working. High socialization requirements for the weekend were met &/or exceeded (I'm not bragging. My expectations of myself were not high). I glided through the weekend with a dysfunctional fridge in the background of my thoughts with the mantra "There is nothing I can do about it so there is no sense worrying about it" on repeat. 

Do your best. Surround yourself with siblings and their spouses. Toss in a sister to mastermind the catering (again). Add a little family reunion. Season with a drop-by-visit with a cousin new to the neighborhood. That is my personal recipe for the most perfect unperfect weekend of the year.

After the dust settled (literally, as I think of our dusty lawn), I was left alone in my little oasis. I settled in with a few troubleshooting suggestions from www.familyhandyman.com and [drum roll please] the fridge is working again. At least this morning (Dr FamilyHandyman suggests there is a problem with the defrost heater/timer/or thermostat). 

I woke up at my favorite waking time, did my stretches (I have done neither since my string of late nights began five days ago as I struggled to meet my bookkeeping deadlines then late nights became the norm thereafter) had some cold water from the presently functioning fridge and finally felt the long awaited ahhhh-some moment I have come to know and love.

As I navigated my late nights, knowing that much socialization would be on the agenda, I slept in each morning knowing there would be more late nights on the horizon. My sleep schedule was navigated with ease as the extra waking hours at night were offset by a few more sleeping hours in the morning (I'm not bragging. I am eternally grateful for my sleeping superpowers). To wake up on a Monday morning with a spring in my step and actually anticipating the return of my regularly scheduled life is a gift I did not expect as I anticipated the weekend past.

I don't wake up every Monday morning feeling this way. It is the return to my satisfying quiet little life that is key. The fact that all the looming deadlines at my day job were met last week. Waking up to a day of high expectations is an exhausting way to greet the day.

You know you are living the life you are intended to live when you wake up, after a good nights sleep, on a Monday morning AND you are grateful to hop back on that horse and be back in the saddle again.

It is Never So Bad ....

It was a day of numerous small things gone awry with an equal an opposite opportunity to be grateful with every wrong turn.

1 - the fridge wasn't working. But the freezer WAS.

2 - I didn't find out the fridge wasn't working until the light of day. Thus, I didn't spend a night tossing and turning and fretting about "tomorrow".

3 - I forgot to buy necessary ingredients for my dessert and salad. The delay was a blessing, otherwise they would have spoiled in my malfunctioning fridge.

4 - No fridge? No problem. My sister saved the day and lent me an electric cooler for the weekend to buy me some time before a repair person could be called.

5 - I tripped and fell up a cement step. But I didn't rip a hole in my capris, NOR did I spill my drink or break the glass.

6 - when I tripped, I fell backwards a bit and threw a portion of my drink in my own face. But not a soul noticed my dampened hair AND it didn't wreck my hair style.

I walked into the weekend feeling overloaded and any one of the above could have tipped the scales and ruined the day if I hadn't immediately found the silver lining.

 It is said "Things are never so bad that they couldn't be worse". We are fortunate when there is  some good on the flip side of those little things that can bring a person to their knees. 

I know my misfortunes were minor in every sense of the word but I am grateful for the reminder to look beyond the inconvenience and practice picking myself up and carrying on. It is a skill best honed on the little stuff to help us find our way when the going gets tough.

Thankful for the Pause

I had no words at the end of a very long, short week. I had accomplished almost everything on my to-do-list. But due to bad planning on my part, I couldn't complete my mission. I had to wait until morning.

This morning, I went to get a nice cold drink of water from the fridge and the water wasn't cold. The refrigerator part of our fridge wasn't working.

If I had remembered to buy radishes and green peppers when I picked up groceries, I would have assembled my potato salad last night. An unrefrigerated potato salad is the perfect recipe for food poisoning. My work would have been completely and utterly wasted. 

As overwhelmed and frustrated as I felt last night, a wave of relief washed over me when I realized my good fortune. Waiting until this morning to complete assembling my salad saved my day.

Then I had to wait even longer, as the grocery store is on holiday hours and doesn't open until 10:00. When the going tough, the tough do puzzles.

Trust the pause. Good words to live by.