A Small Goal

If I had only one goal to fulfill, it would be this: "I never want to wake up feeling dread for the day ahead of me".

Sounds easy. 

We all have these days. A day of dread. Dreading work. Dreading a day of too much, too little, too stressful, too hard. Challenging relationships. Financial woes. Hard decisions. Lacking motivation. Depression. Anxiety. Ill health. Concern over loved ones.

The feeling of not wanting to face up to the day is not my worry alone. 

My anxiety this morning is not a big, onerous, worrisome concern. It is a social outing. I must go out with people. I must meet up with people on unfamiliar territory. I must walk into a situation I am completely uncomfortable with. 

This is the first post-COVID invitation I have accepted. I have some angst over being in a crowded area without social distancing and masks involved. There will be people talking loudly. I visualize the mist of saliva wafting through the air.

There will be laughter and joy. Comedy and music. Enjoying the talent family members have honed, with my family. 

The sad thing is, I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow morning and have this all behind me. 

I should have declined the invitation. Maybe I can still wiggle out of it. 

I have been here before. Doing hard things for me, means accepting invitations. 99.9% of the time, I am grateful to have walked through the hard and got to the other side AND enjoyed myself in the process. I am 90% certain I will wake up tomorrow morning with a happiness hangover. 

But today? I just want to live the life of a cat. Not a care in the world other than finding the most comfortable spot to savor the day. I highly doubt our furry felines wake up dreading the day ahead of them. Then again, who knows?