When Can I Retire?

I have noticed a pattern within this little life of mine. The minute I start to worry about my job outside my regular working hours, it results in a morning-after ritual which has become familiar and somewhat soothing. I go back to my budget spreadsheet, run some numbers and wonder if I can afford to retire.

Short answer? No. My answer? Long and wordy...

I stayed home this past long weekend. I discovered something I am not particularly proud of. I may be using my little "home away from home" as a place to run toward because I am running away from life-as-I-know-it withing my "home at home".

I had grand plans and expectations of myself when I realized this long weekend would fall at the end of a month where several onerous deadlines had to be met within my bookkeeping world. To me, completing a list of "hard things", filing them away and feeling satisfied with a job done to completion is a high like no other. It is a sensation that fulfills and completes me.

Long story longer? I did not cross off any of the big ticket items I was anticipating. Add to that, a challenging "last day" before my anticipated long weekend. To add just a little more to the pile, I didn't get the long weekend I was anticipating. It was sprinkled with work issues yet to be resolved.

This is the part of my saga where I need to create, define and live within the boundaries I have set since my day job moved in with me. I created boundaries all right. I closed the door and would have sealed it shut if I could have done so, in a manner that would not have resulted in paint peeling off when the seal was broken.

I did the next best thing. I sat in front of the TV for four solid days. Yes. Four. 

Cooking? I cooked a frozen pizza, garlic fingers and bagged salad on Day One. I picked up Dairy Queen for supper on Day Two. We ordered in "fine dining" from Pink Cadillacs on Day Three. By Day Four, I knew I had to rise to the occasion. I found a cooked, frozen chicken breast in the back of the freezer from well over a year ago. Perhaps two. Then I added bagged, boxed and frozen entrees to the mix and created this:

 

P.S. It tasted about as good as it looks. It was edible.

The list of achievements during the above noted weekend are: I washed one load of laundry; I washed my hair; I watched 5 seasons of "Mom". The end.

ONE day back to work and this is what was achieved:

Spaghetti and meat sauce for at least three meals; tuna salad for my supper at my work-away-from-home employment; and I mowed the lawn. In addition to putting in a full day's work at home and away from home. 

I may not enjoy working but I need it. I seem to need a job to define the work flow for my days at home. 

When can I retire? I trust that when the time comes, I will be at a point where my finances will work out one way or another. 

When should I retire is a better question. I believe life is telling me I need to learn to better manage my down-time when I have it in order to manage a life without defined goals. Retirement could be the hardest part of my life if I don't start planning a  future that isn't defined by work.

Sad but true.