Little Drummer Girl

It's been a long day. All my thoughts are in rhymes (oh, the poems I have written this season). This one has been sitting in a state of incompleteness since I found out my brother already bought the gift I thought I could give my mom. I finally finished it tonight:

Come she told me, pa rum pum pum pum 

She had no Christmas tree, pa rum pum pum pum 

I'm not sure who will come, pa rum pum pum pum 

To keep us company, pa rum pum pum pum, 

rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Her, pa rum pum pum pum, 

I will come. 

Oh, dear mother, pa rum pum pum pum 

I have not shopped for you, pa rum pum pum pum 

I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum 

But I could buy some wings, pa rum pum pum pum, 

rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, 

What shall I bring for you, pa rum pum pum pum, 

When I come? 

My mom nodded, pa rum pum pum pum 

The clock ticked and kept time, pa rum pum pum pum 

I'd bring my sons for Her, pa rum pum pum pum 

That would best for Her, pa rum pum pum pum, 

rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, 

Then She smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum 

Me and my sons.

A Do-Over Kind of Daycare Day

Remnants of a rather challenging daycare day were awaiting me this morning.

I got up at 5:00 a.m. so I would have a chance to scrub down the couch that needed to dry out before I could even begin the process of cleaning. Hopefully three towels worth of "blotting", a generous sprinkling of Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda, covered up with a beach towel in between all the cracks and crevices of the two cushions and back of the couch, did their job of wicking up any moisture left in a urine-soaked couch last night.

I followed this up by scrubbing down the infected affected areas with a 50/50 solution of hot water and rubbing alcohol and hoping this does the job so the couch may survive yet another "day at daycare".

I did what any mother would do, to test the effectiveness of my work thus far. I unzipped the couch cover, felt the inside of the cushion for any sign of wetness and then nuzzled my nose into said "insides" and did a smell test. I am not a cat, nor do I have a black light to support my theory, but this fifty five year old nose has given it the go ahead. The couch has been saved to face another day.

My first thought yesterday afternoon was "We NEED a new couch!" But thirty minutes into the blotting and washing of said couch and child, my saner and wiser inner voice revealed the true answer "WHY?! Because this is just going to happen again and again and again. You run a daycare. Remember??"

Is it really any wonder that I want to turn one area of our home into a daycare-free zone??

I wondered why I am loving my new "suite" downstairs so much. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I can sit down at the end of my day on a couch that has no trace of children's urine, vomit, saliva nor nose juices. Sure, I may be covered in cat hair and who knows what "dog history" this lovely little portion of a sectional couch may have in its history. But it doesn't scream "daycare" to me.

******************************************************************************

I walked away from this and came back with the memory of what was happening when my fully trained, almost three-year-old, with a full bladder was doing when this happened. I think she was annoyed because she didn't get the first turn on the iPad. She was sitting beside her buddy, waiting for her turn when "this" happened. Instead of getting a turn on the iPad, she got a bath and a time out while I cooled off (honestly, I think time outs are for the sake of the care-givers). All I can wonder is "Who won that round?"

Oh, the joys of running a daycare. There are a lot of them but yesterday was a "day" of spilt milk, dropped bowls of Alphagetti, running in circles and much challenge.

When is it going to be summer again?

Sparkle

I've written a "sparkly" little piece over at MyKawartha.com today.

Please come and join me: http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6196093-sparkle/

Fading Fast

I woke up in the middle of the night last night (falling asleep at 7:00 tends to do that to a person) with thoughts that were wide awake. Once I snapped myself out of my dream state, I tuned into my real life thoughts and they did not lull me back to sleep. I do remember counting down the days until December 31st. "Sixteen more days ... and then I can relax!" Then I resorted to turning on the TV to tune out my thoughts. It worked like a charm.

I slept in an extra hour to make up for that hour of wakefulness and here I am.

I have no idea why I'm counting down the days until I can "relax". I live the most relaxing, unstressful life of anyone I know. If I didn't create my own stress, I would have none at all.

For me, my biggest worry is "to color or not to color". I have one more hair-washing day before Christmas. Do I invest the extra time to dye my roots or just show up with a few extra shades of gray? I would normally wait one more month but I'll be out of the house and seeing so many more people over the Christmas holiday. I feel like I should look like I care about my appearance. I should probably book a hair cut too but I won't. I have no desire to sit and waste a few hours out of the house in a hair salon.

A pedicure however, is very tempting. Something just for me, that doesn't make one bit of difference to my outside appearance but makes me feel better inside.

I just walked away from this post to make myself another cup of coffee and thought of Mom doing her Christmas baking this year. I abandoned that tradition several years ago. People don't associate "me" with "food" in any capacity and I kind of like it that way. Instead, I walked over to my list and wrote down "Bulk Barn". Yes, I think I'll pick up some candies to go in our candy dishes over the holidays. Maybe I'll do that while I'm out getting a pedicure.

Yes, I still have some cards to write and a daycare newsletter to create. But that isn't "stress" to me. It is sitting still and letting my thoughts and words run wild. I enjoy those days. I simply don't like to cram them into the cracks of an otherwise occupied day.

I'm looking forward to seeing people I don't normally get a chance to visit. I'm looking forward to some time off. I'm looking forward to wrapping myself up in family and coasting through the season. I'm also looking forward to being back home, sitting in the stillness and reflecting on all I have enjoyed throughout the season and beyond.

I (sort of) can't wait until it's all over.

Signed,

Scrooge of Christmas Present

It's a Beginning

It was a little bit like cleaning out the closets. I needed a strategy, some uninterrupted time and the motivation to all land on the same day. I wrote Christmas cards yesterday. All day. And it was good.

I apologize in advance for the ones I wrote under extreme caffeinated conditions. You will recognize them when you read them. Trust me. The envelopes are sealed. The deed is done. I'm not doing it again. Just ... I'm sorry. I got weird there for a while.

Then I climbed back on board the sanity train and continued. Some letters are down right boring. Others are better. I wrote a silly little poem to get the ball rolling. Me and my "poetry"! I'm not a poet and I know it (then again, maybe I am).

I have about twelve more cards to go before I call it a wrap, but the lion's share is done. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I may not be stronger but I'm a little bit more in the Christmas spirit than I once was.That is a win.

Twelve cards to go and then my daycare yearbook project. I'm not sure where that is going to go but I have one more free Sunday on my hands. I'll see what comes of it as it comes.

My "poem" came to me from a song. Who knows what inspiration is lying around the next corner? Not me, that is for sure.

I've got a long way to go but I'm much further ahead than I was at this time yesterday morning. Strategy + time + motivation = Success (at least on some level).

Now I have a week I must take care of while I wait for Sunday to roll around again. Gotta run!

Sitting Still With the Morning

I'm sitting here in my warm, quiet little "writing room" nestled deep inside of our home and enclosed in three "inside walls" which seem to be exactly what I need and where I most want to be.

The evolution of where the computer now lives, since it got ousted out of the living room proves to be an interesting one.

During the week, it lives on the movable "island" (a little white table) in the kitchen. It is in the hub of our home and everything I write feels like it's all part of the job when it lives there.

I tote it into the daycare "quiet room" while my little people settle in for their afternoon naps and I start to write our daily daycare blog post from there.

But the weekend!? Ahh!! The weekend! I ceremoniously carried the most precious extension of my brain into my warm, cozy and quiet little oasis last night and I couldn't wait to sit still with my coffee and see what words came to me this morning.

Our little black cats have shadowed me throughout the morning. I go through the paces of what-I-do, enveloped in a sense of wonder and awe of the simplest of things which bring the greatest feelings of contentment. "I have a wonderful life" is a very common theme to the thoughts I think, as I wake up and step into a new day.

How very fortunate I am to wake up to "this". All of this. This peace and contentment within my heart, my home, my family and all of its extensions. I live in a world without drama, except that which I create in my own mind (well maybe my little daycare family creates a little self imposed drama which infects our day from time to time too).

Let me stop here and take a little snapshot of this moment in time because we all know this can change in a fraction of a second.

I am centered, I feel whole, I feel content and I feel strong. I am living in a world I have created. I work from home, my income exceeds my outgoing expenses, my family unit is at peace with one another and I feel capable of handling "whatever happens" within my small little world.

Life is not perfect. I know I don't know all my children are thinking, feeling and living with but I feel like they know they can talk to me. I sit here and think of all I don't know, but all that I feel. I feel so much. So much of what I feel is good. I am so grateful for the harmony within our family. So grateful.

Last Sunday, I spent the day rereading the events of the first five months of this year. I reflected on all the words I didn't write. The way I felt blind sided before Mom had surgery this past spring. I looked back on the months before Andre, our Senior Cat, died. Before Mom told us of her trip to the doctor, we knew nothing. Before Andre died, I kept thinking maybe I was over-reacting. Maybe he wasn't as sick as I thought he was...

I remember the peace and contentment I felt when I woke up to a quiet, innocent Christmas morning last year and just revelled in the moment. Then we flipped the calendar page into a new year and "life happened". There are so many details I have omitted. So many who touch my world have walked such a tough and twisty and difficult new path.

The past year was scary, it was sad and it was hard, but we endured. I look back and think of all the wheels that were already set in motion at this time last year, that I was completely oblivious to. I just marvelled in the moment when the moment was good.

Life can change on a dime. It has in the past, it is happening as I sit still in this moment and it will happen again. But "this", this contentment, this strength, this state of feeling whole and centred and grounded ... "this" is what I have to keep coming back to when the hard times hit home. "This" is good. "This" is real. All the other stuff is inevitable and hard. But if you have "this" at the core of it all, all the other stuff feels a little more manageable.

"This" is not at all what I thought I was going to write when I sat still with my cup of coffee in my cozy little writing den. But I'm glad these are the words that my fingertips had to tell.

Find your cozy little oasis today. Nestle deep into it, grab a hot cup of your favorite beverage and be still. Find your centre. When you feel grounded, you start to find your strength. May your world be solid under your feet today so you can move forward from "here", no matter where "here" is for you.

Invested

I am not sure if I am becoming a little bit of a window-shopaholic or if I am simply becoming more invested in my life.

I haven't been throwing away my money on frivolous items and I have been concentrating on ridding myself of the excess so I don't think I'm spending money for the sake of filling a void. I feel like I'm making choices based on future developments.

My daycare day consumes 67% of my waking hours so I guess it is no wonder that is where I am concentrating my investments these days. I want to create a diverse, changeable, interactive and stimulating environment for my little people. My daycare is the foundation of all that I am, all that I do and it pays for all of my bills. I would say it is wise to invest my efforts here.

Writing keeps getting put to the bottom of my priority list but I had a recent "wake up call". If I don't invest a little bit of time and energy improving and promoting myself, I could jeopardize an opportunity that I have been given. I frantically put a band aid on that situation but I know I need to keep focused on where I want to go and invest my time and energy accordingly.

My bookkeeping endeavours are waning. I have a brand new accounting program that I haven't even installed on my computer. I seem to think I need/want a completely separate computer for anything accounting related. Do I really want to make that investment when my heart is just not in it? Bookkeeping was part of my retirement plan. I planned on this subsidizing my income and balance my work to fun ratio when my life becomes less about running a daycare and more about creating a life outside my box house.

Speaking of my house, I have invested an extraordinary amount of money here lately. During my trial period of working outside my box house, one fact became blatantly clear to me. I need to find a way to make my house work for me. Whether it is housing a daycare, renting a room or an entire floor, creating a bed & breakfast or simply selling it and buying something smaller and cheaper in small town Saskatchewan. My home is not only where my heart lives, it is the foundation of my decision making process.

I am in a place where I am looking forward a lot right now. "You are here" is planted deeply within the root of my subconscious mind and I am gazing at the map of where I could go from this point in time. I like where I am. I feel like any decisions made from this place of feeling safe, secure, grounded and happy will be good ones.

The moment I typed those words, I felt myself back in the forks in the roads I travelled when I stepped out of my comfort zone the last time. Decisions made when my feet were planted on solid ground were good, easy, comfortable and exactly right for me at the time. It is when I stepped into the quicksand and the terrain under my feet became so uncertain that fear dictated my next move. It was one of the most frightening places I've been in my life. I was terrified of making another choice when I felt like I kept hopping from one sinking ship, onto the next.

I am on solid ground again. I am looking forward. I have my eye on where I want to go. My time, energy and resources are being spent on the future I am building. It feels very good to invest in "myself" again!