Reality verses Goals

I thought I set out some very easy to achieve goals at the onset of this month:

• morning pages
• blog
• spend time outdoors
• move more
• eat less

Can I just admit that I am failing miserably? 

What the heck? How much lower could I have set the bar? Could I blog my morning pages while sitting on the deck to knock three off the list in one shot?

I have been writing my own revised version of morning pages. Instead of 3, hand written 8-1/2 X 11 pages, I am writing 2, 5-1/2 X 8-1/2 pages. I am still writing by hand. I'm writing. It's not everything but it is something.

I'm trying so very hard to blog but I keep running out of time. If I write two posts this morning, it will make up for the one I missed yesterday. But there is still some catching up to do ...

Spending more time outdoors. Who would think that could be so challenging? It's too cool, too hot, too windy, too outdoorsy ...

Move more. Considering I moved very little to begin with, this should have been attainable. Take away the need to run to the printer down the hall due to a printer now residing in my office, I've lost more ground than I have gained.

Eat less. Okay. That one is really hard. I am eating all the wrong food for all the wrong reasons. And I just don't care.   

I could fritter away time better than anyone I knew prior to COVID-19 and all of the stay-at-home recommendations. When others started admitting that they too, were spending a great deal of time at home accomplishing nothing, my comment was, "Welcome to my world!" Then, I seemed to ramp it up a notch and accomplish even less than before, as if I had to win the race of doing nothing better than the newcomers to the club.

I'm not giving up. I'm getting up earlier so I can get my frittering done and over with before 9:00 a.m. This is not as easy as it sounds. You should hear some of the inane things I have been doing to distract myself from reality.

The downfall of getting up early is I am more tired than ever in the evening. I am eating more than ever, in an effort to stay awake.

I have a feeling the rut I am in is just a little too comfortable. They say discomfort is necessary in order to grow. 

I think growth is highly overrated.