Foot Pain

Yes ... I'm writing about my feet. Again. It's a little bit frightening to me, when my feet fail to live up to my expectations. I rely on them. A lot.

Not only do these tender tootsies take me everywhere that I need and want to go ... but having happy, healthy feet opens many doors for me. Ballroom dancing, Zumba, Bellyfit, Salsa, walking through a park and feeding chickadees ...

I tried out 'Scottish Country Dancing' last night. I knew the shoes would be the biggest challenge for me, right from the onset. I stumbled upon Dr. Scholl's Fast Flats and thought I had a winner.

These little stretchable, foldable, adaptable shoes looked perfect. I tried them on and they stretched to accommodate my 4 1/2 inch wide foot. They weren't pretty, but they would do.

The instructor of this Scottish dance looked at my shoes and said they were very good, but since there wasn't a strap across the ankle they could fall off. I thought to myself "These shoes are stretched beyond their capacity. They aren't going anywhere". And I was right.

In Scottish Country dancing, you dance on the ball of your foot. Foot turn-out, pointing the toes and ever conscious of dancing fully on the ball of your foot is the basis on which all else revolves.

Immediately the instructor noticed my toes that were turned up like 'Elf Shoes'. What I was doing, was stretching out my very tender ''Little Piggy Who Stayed Home", which has been inflamed for several weeks. That little piggy does not enjoy being squished into a shoe. So I stretch and flex it at every opportunity. Apparently this isn't pretty when you are in Dr. Scholl's Fast Flats and everyone (who's looking) can see what those 'little piggies' are doing within the confines of these flexible, but oh-so-revealing shoes.

It kind of hurt to dance on the balls of my feet without the cushioning of a gym shoe insole. But I did it anyway. And survived.

I didn't come home with throbbing-foot-pain, the way that I do after a two to three hour evening in ballroom dance shoes. So I didn't give my feet a second thought. Until this morning.

I woke up with pain akin to 'stepping on glass' in the ball of my good foot. The foot that doesn't have tender-toe-syndrome. So I know that at least I didn't injure my foot, trying to protect my injured toe. I have brand new, unrelated foot pain.

The good news, is that my bunions don't hurt. Just one toe on my right foot and the ball of my left foot. Heels, arches and bunions are all a-okay.

The question is ... should I stop all of these extra curricular activities which are placing unnecessary stress on my tender tootsies? I'm thinking, for a one week trial period ... I should.

Boy! Would that ever clear up my calendar. Dancing on Thursday; Bellyfit Saturday morning; and Salsa Saturday evening. I may actually have time to write a Christmas card or two, if I give my feet a week off.

Sounds like a good idea to rest my weary feet and catch up on a few other important things. Like Christmas cards ... and sleep.

When our bodies 'talk' ... we should listen.

Set a Date, a Place and a Time

One of the most valuable lessons that I learned at school last year was in a 'Thought Patterns' class. A class that made me look at the way I thought, how it determined my expectations, behaviour and outcome of my life.

One particular lesson told us 'Never make vague plans to see someone'. Don't say, "We should get together some time" ... do say, "Let's get together (here) on (what date) at (what time)".

I followed that advise. And I have rediscovered an old best friend.

In the past year, this old/new friend and I have travelled childhood roads (literally) and walked down memory lane. We talk at ease about our present day world, our children and our thoughts about life in general. We 'get' each other. It has been an incredible experience to reconnect and become better friends than we were in our childhood.

She is quite literally the first friend that I ever had. We grew up together. My family moved away when I was nine years old and we stayed connected through letters and visits. Eventually we each got married and drifted apart. For 32 years.

Last December we met at (a coffee shop) on December 19th at 10:30 one Saturday morning. I issued the invitation in my Christmas card to her, she quickly confirmed the date with a quick call saying, "Sounds great! I'll be there" ...

Not quite one year later, she has decided to join me on my Alaskan Cruise Vacation.

If we hadn't set a date, a place and a time last year ... this never would have happened.

One of life's little miracles? Or do we make our own miracles? I think it's a little of both. Make plans ... and things happen!

Are My Dreams Telling Me Something?

I had completely and totally forgotten that I was moving.

Moving day arrived and I hadn't done a thing. I hadn't even cleaned the oven!!

I was standing in the middle of my totally lived in house, completely and totally overwhelmed.

And what was the first thing I did?

I picked up the phone and called a friend to cancel our plans for the day. "Sorry ... I forgot that I'm moving today".

Sure, I was worried about how I would manage to move everything out of the house, organize the new place enough to sleep somewhere that night ... and clean the old place.

But what was even more worrisome than all of that??

When could I rebook a day to see my friend?!??

It was only a dream ... do you suppose my subconscious mind is trying to get a message across to me?

Who knows? I just know I don't have a minute to spare today as I'd like to run out shopping before my boss drops by and we go through some 'work stuff'. We must finish early because I'm off to a lunch buffet and play with a friend this afternoon. As soon as I get home, I must run out and pick up a pre-cooked roast chicken for our family's Sunday Supper, after which we are planning on turning on some Christmas tunes, having a drink and decorating the house for Christmas ... together! Then after all that, I have a phone-date with a friend. Thank goodness she lives in a time zone two hours behind us, because it will be a late phone call.

A day like this, is a day which should be totally savored. And it could have been ... had I not gone on such a Wild Turkey Chase yesterday afternoon (and I could have gotten my 'work' and shopping done yesterday). It's a long, boring story about ordering, picking up and delivering three free-range, mostly organic turkeys ... which was complicated by the fact that the PIN number that I have used for my ATM card, the past 20 plus years has completely and totally left my memory bank. The Wild Turkey Chase began only because I didn't have the cash ready and available to pay the Turkey Man, so I 'chased' him across the city which most definitely added a new dimension to a mundane little task.

What is my PIN number and where did I lose it in my mind?

I spent yesterday spinning my wheels and didn't accomplish a thing. I think it may be easier to move ..........

Little Things ...

The Christmas season has arrived. There are many things I enjoy about the season ... but one thing that I don't. The pressure of giving.

Don't get me wrong. I have no problem in the act of gifting. I just don't enjoy it when it's expected. I don't even really enjoy receiving a gift when it feels as if it has been done under duress.

I enjoy the 'little things' ...

Like standing at the checkout at the grocery store and spotting a gift card for a coffee shop that someone was just talking about. Perfection! I could have saved it and gifted it a month later on Christmas Day. But why? The moment was 'now'. The specialness of the Christmas Coffee tastes better before Christmas day. And this way, it was a completely unexpected surprise. More fun for both the gifter and the giftee.

Like spotting the specific dessert item that was missing from a buffet dinner and 'gifting' that to the person who had a craving that wasn't fulfilled.

Like experiencing something fun and special and wanting to find a way to 'gift' that experience to a family &/or friends.

Like picking up absolutely nothing special at all ... just 'because'.

Like spending a most amazing afternoon with good friends and savoring a Magical Winter Wonderland that had nothing to do with Christmas, but everything to do with the special acts of kindness.

It's the little acts of kindness that I savor. Any month of the year.

It's like when a thoughtful son recognizes the lack of an ergonomically correct computer chair to work at, and surprises me with a brand new comfy chair one Sunday afternoon.

It's like waking up and finding a movie gift card awaiting me, at the computer desk from another perceptive son who knows how much I love the Movie Experience.

It's the little things ....

... And Then There is Work!

In all of the excitement that is my life, a little work must fall.

During the month of November, I was concerned about logging enough hours for the month ... yet I allowed myself a 'life' as well. I wasn't consumed with how much work I was or wasn't getting. I just aimed to work eight hour days, five days a week. Sometimes I succeeded. Other times I didn't. I worked on the weekends ... but not both days ... or not too many hours.

It was a good month. I approached both of my bosses about my concerns and frustrations with the instability of my work situation. There are not black and white answers in either case, but I feel better for having talked with them. At least there is an awareness on both of our parts, as to the challenges we are facing. And hopefully some solutions will come out of that.

I tallied up my hours for both jobs and between my two employers, I worked full-time! My original goal was to work full-time for Employer #1 and part-time for my Second Employer. Trying to attain that made my life feel like it was spiralling out of control. Attaining full-time hours between two jobs is attainable and ... it pays the bills!!

I wasn't frivolous with my spending in November, but I didn't hold back either. I bought what I wanted/needed to buy. I had  repair bills for both the dryer and a computer. I went out when ever I wanted and happily spent the required dollars. We utilized the groceries in the house and we dined out at times. I didn't act or feel 'poor'.

The month end figures state that expenses exceeded income by about $50.00 ... not bad. Not perfect, but not bad considering a few unexpected expenses.

Now I face 'December'. A month that I will most likely end up working only three weeks. I probably should feel a little bit panicked at that thought. But I don't. I will work as much as I can. But I am going to hold onto the life I am living. I'm not going to sacrifice one for the other. It's all about balance.

Speaking of work, it is time to pull up my socks and get at it! I have a lot I want to accomplish today. And it's not happening with me sitting here blogging about my life instead of living it.

Caffeine Hangover + Adrenaline Crash = ??

I went out for supper with a friend Tuesday night. We had a most incredible visit. She officially 'signed up' to go along with me on an Alaskan Cruise. And we drank coffee. Boy! Did we drink coffee!!

I could have come home from a visit like that and been as high as a kite, had I been drinking water.

Good company, conversation that goes beyond the surface, shared history and getting reacquainted with an old friend is a recipe for elation in my world. Adrenaline kicks in and I get chatty, giddy and over-the-top-bubbly.

Add coffee to that equation and I was down right annoying.

I woke up Wednesday morning with the remains of both the caffeine and the adrenaline in my system. My eyes popped open with the alarm. My heart started racing in anticipation of the day ahead. I was pumped!

I wrote a 2 page response to an email when 20 words would have been suffice. My thoughts and energy flitted from one thing to the next during the hour of 'me time' that precedes my work day. Happy! Happy! Happy!! That was me.

Then I worked. I worked at my out-of-the-house-job all morning. I came home and had lunch. I had phone calls to return and I had work to do.

Then it happened. I crashed.

I started second guessing my actions and words of the past week. The tape in my mind rewound and I thought, "Why do you talk so much??" ... "You shouldn't have said 'that' " ... "I should have reacted differently" ... "What if "...

I seemed to have lost the ability to make simple decisions. I had phone calls to return and I didn't feel like talking. I heard my voice as I was speaking. The other person was reflecting my 'loss of self'. The conversations were brief and lacking.

I was doing my best. I had another conversation (in my head) going on at the same time telling me, "It's the after effects of the caffeine/adrenaline" ... "You are making mountains out of mole hills" ... "This won't feel like such a big deal tomorrow" ... "You will do better next time" ...

I tried quieting my thoughts and my conscience. But they were too loud.

At the same time, waves of exhaustion were hitting me with such a force that I finally succumbed to them. I had logged a 5 1/2 hour work day. My Youngest was safely home from school. I grabbed a blanket ... and I slept. And it was good.

I went to a Bellyfit class after that. Bellyfit may not be doing a lot for my body ... but it restores my soul. It's a quiet work out. We are instructed to take all of my thoughts and put them on a shelf for that hour. At the end of the hour we are told to forgive ourselves for our negative thoughts and reminded to thank ourselves for taking time for ourselves. It's a little bit of a zen-like experience. A very good experience at the end of a guilt ridden afternoon.

The answer to the equation: "Caffeine Hangover + Adrenaline Crash = ??"

?? = "A nice long snooze and a Bellyfit class"

I am cured.

My Life is a "Field of Dreams"

"If you build it ... they will come" was the haunting theme that resonated throughout the movie and years afterwards (within me) after I saw the movie "Field of Dreams".

I have had a consistent sense of that "If you (do) it ... they will come" throughout the 21 years since I watched that movie.

One early experience I have of ".... they will come" was when I cooked a good meal, including dessert (I despise cooking) for absolutely no reason. And I had company drop by unexpectedly. That never, ever happens in my world. I smiled to myself and later commented, "If I cook it ... they will come".

I have lived a life fulfilling my dreams in big and small ways ever since.

"If I open it (a daycare) ... they will come"

"If I write it (a book, a blog) ... they will read it"

"If I ask (invitations to family and friends) ... they will come"

"If I believe it (working from home) ... it will (eventually) succeed"

"If I am living my life to the fullest ... people will join me on my adventure"

Last night, in my excited and coffee induced state I was euphoric. I was rambling on and on to my Second Son about "If I book it (my Alaskan Cruise) ... they will come" (in the three days since I booked my cruise, I have had three people tell me they will be Back Up Plan # 1 or #2 ... and last night a friend actually committed to joining me)... and "If I teach it (I have enrolled in a Zumba instructor course) ... they will learn" and (drum roll, please) ... "If I build (fix or find) it ... they will come!!" - my ultimate goal of running a Bed & Breakfast.

I am learning that if you live your life with intention - if you say you are going to do something, believe that you can do whatever you set your sights on, steer your life in a direction where you can pursue your dreams ... anything is possible.

Sometimes all it takes is for one person to take a step and commit to a dream ... and you find many others will come into your life and walk with you through your own personal Field of Dreams.