What Makes You Happy?

I stumbled across this yesterday morning and these few words have really made me stop and think:

Make a list of things that make you happy.
Make a list of things you do every day.
Compare the lists.
Adjust accordingly.

Before I had pen in hand to write my lists, I immediately thought of the times I laugh out loud in a room by myself. Perhaps that act supersedes happy. Maybe that is joyful. But those were the moments that came immediately to mind when I thought of my list.

What Makes Me Happy:

Our cats.

Happy, content children

Good, deep, reflective conversations

Hearing from a friend and good mail days!!

Family

Quiet, reflective time

Sleep

Food

Writing

Reading

Music

Being still with nature - watching snow, rain, clouds, birds...

What I Do Every Day:

Wake up early enough to have time to write.

Daycare by day - watch, listen and then write about our day at daycare by night.

Try to instill adult content into my day

Computer time

Quiet time for the kids = writing, word puzzle and Facebook time for me

Housework, cook, shop and laundry as necessary.

Work (Saturdays)

Write (blogs, letters, email, cards), TV, sleep (Sundays)

Compare the lists:

Being a cat owner (or being owned by cats, whichever is more true) makes me happy. There is no doubt about it. I am entertained, amused and have so many laugh out loud moments as I enjoy our black furry family members. Call me "crazy cat lady", but it is who I am. These guys bring so much joy into our lives I can't imagine life without them.

Was my list swayed by the fact that I was in the thick of a daycare day and I'm still riding my post-holiday euphoria? The second item on my list was "Happy, content children". There is something about those fly-on-the-wall moments when I am watching children at play, who have no idea I'm watching them that makes my heart sing. I'm not even a grandma and I can say this without hesitation. Yes, children-watching (when they are happy and content) is definitely high up on my list.

Maybe I didn't do this exercise properly. I wrote down what brings contentment into my moments. And I pretty much live according to satisfying my own needs. My only real "work day" is Saturday. Other than that, I pretty much live life as I want to live it.

Adjust accordingly:

Is happy the same as content? For me, it is. I feel happiest when I am content. Would I be happier if I was planning trips and renovations and booking up my calendar with social engagements and pursuing hobbies? Not at this point in my life. That would just take away from what I enjoy. Quiet, predictable and a low key life. Maybe one day I will crave more than this. But for now, I would say I am living my dream. Maybe I'll dream bigger another day.

How about you? How did your life size up when you compared your lists? Is there any fine tuning necessary?

Joy

I wrote a little "Inside Out" inspired post about "joy" (or the loss of it) over at MyKawartha.com today.

Please come over and join me there: http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6222437-joy/

Self Promotion

The past month, I have been promoting my writing. This has been an awkward experiment but since it seems to have made an impact, I guess I will continue down this path.

A month ago, I called to see how my "stats" were looking on my blog at My Kawartha.com. I had stopped promoting my blog posts via Facebook and I was curious to see if it had made an impact. I expected a little bit of a decline but I aghast to find my posts were getting approximately zero to five "views".

Yikes! This was a "call to action" moment if ever I saw one.

I already had a strategy in mind before I discovered the need to set it into motion. I was uncomfortable promoting my writing on my personal Facebook page so I thought if I deemed it necessary to support my writing habit by promoting what I write, I would set up a Facebook page for that specific purpose.

And that is exactly what I did:

I invited all my friends to "Like" my page and to my delight a few "Friends of Friends" joined in as well. Even though I can't see how my stats are doing on my actual blog, I can follow the stats that Facebook provides and I was pretty sure there should be a noticeable difference.

I checked in yesterday, to see how this affected last month's stats. The increase was a substantial one. I guess there is a reason there is a "sales and promotion" department within companies. Products and services don't sell themselves. They need to be highlighted and promoted.

Statistics provide a measurable tool to enable a person to see what works and what doesn't. Apparently, I need to promote myself.

This goes against everything I want to be and who I thought I was. I enjoy the quiet little life I lead. Each time I think of the audience I am gaining a little bit of fear is infused into my writing. "What would my aunt think of this?" "Would my children authorize this piece of writing?" "What would my sister's friends think if I published this?" The list of questions feels endless.

Perhaps this is the reason I write about our cats as much as I do. Our cat's lives can be scrutinized, I can write anything I want about them and they don't feel exposed and exploited. I can be free with my thoughts and words.

My reading audience is expanding and it is a little bit frightening.

"This" space here is my safer place to write. But I still have so many censors going off in my mind. I don't want to violate anyone's privacy or offend or worry anyone.

I have a friend who keeps giving me journals. I think she realizes I need to write in private and is quietly encouraging me to find a safe place to write. A place where I can write without worrying about an audience. I believe she is right.

As much as I do need an "audience", if I'm going to continue down this writing out loud and in public gig, I still need a place to write without thinking. A place to let my fingers fly and write out loud to myself. I often don't know what I am thinking until I write it down. The connection between my brain and fingertips is an amazing one. Sometimes my fingers know what my head hasn't figured out yet.

I know I have to write about what is close to my heart, what I know about and what I feel strongly about. So much of "all of the above" is intertwined with people who are close to my heart and these are not my stories to tell. Yet this is where the best of my writing comes from - a place of caring and concern.

It is no wonder when people ask me if I have any future writing project in mind, my answer is "I may write about our original Little Black Kitty". That sounds like a very good place to start.

Life Hurts

I'm writing over at MyKawartha.com today...

A sense of quiet reflection has carried me through and past the month of December and into the New Year. It isn't all holly and jolly out there. Life is real. Life hurts sometimes...
http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6218481-life-hurts/

An Incredible Kind of (Holi)Day

I guess all I really needed was "one day". I accomplished more in one day than I did, the nine days which preceded it.

What started as an innocent invitation to take a friend out for a birthday supper turned into cooking a meal at home so we could have a more relaxed visit. Add one additional friend and "that" was it. I would throw a ham in the oven, make scalloped potatoes and that would be that.

Except for one thing. I needed an onion. And while I was in the grocery store, I may as well stock up for the week. And while I was out anyway, I could finally fill the car with gas, And wash it. And renew my son's bus pass.

That was it. I would run a marathon of errands, come home, quickly assemble our supper and still have lots of time left over to fine tune the gift I had been working on for my friend.

Then the phone rang.

It was my second son asking if I wanted to meet for lunch. I hadn't left the house yet and not one item on my list of to-do-items had been scratched off. I felt like Mr. Incredible as he caught a crook, saved a cat and perhaps a few more heroic deeds en route to his wedding, telling himself all along the way, "I've still got time!"

Yes, I was Ms. Incredible all right! I met my son for lunch and enjoyed our visit like I had all the time in the world. In fact, I followed him through the parking lot to check out coffee tables and TVs afterwards. "I still had time!"

I ran all of my errands and got home in lots of time to create a supper, take out the garbage and assemble all that I needed to pull off serving a meal. But my harried thoughts turned to "I'm running out of time!!"

I didn't leave enough time to tweak the little project I was working on before I had to print it off, wrap it up and write up a card. I had just enough time to create a first draft without the little touches to make it "just right".

Fortunately (or unfortunately I suppose, depending on how you look at it), I didn't realize this until after my company left. I sat back and enjoyed a leisurely evening of feeding and entertaining guests. I'm a little rusty at entertaining but all went off pretty much as planned. I thoroughly enjoyed visiting from the comfort of my own home. I have fond memories of doing this with some sense of regularity at some time in my previous life. It was truly a "coming home" by "staying home" kind of moment.

My guests left, I tidied up the kitchen, turned on the dishwasher and started to go through the process of getting the house "daycare ready" for this morning. 

I retired to my room at the end of the day feeling pretty good about what I accomplished but more importantly, the company I kept throughout the day. I was getting lonely for human companionship.

Looking back, I guess I didn't really have time to accompany my son on  his first leg of furniture shopping but I don't regret the fact that I did it anyway. I can always fine tune my friend's gift and regift (a whole new definition of "regifting" here) it another day. 

I'm glad I took time for what was important. It was the company I kept that made my day. I'm grateful our meal was palatable and I'm quite excited to have leftovers to carry us through today. 

This house isn't sure what hit it this holiday season. From cooking a beef roast for Christmas, to the smell of "Christmas" in the air as I made turkey soup with Mom's leftovers, to a ham on our final leg of my holiday. There were some pretty good aromas wafting through the air here throughout the holidays.

Perhaps I took more quiet time than was necessary but I have a feeling that is what gave me the energy to feel like Ms. Incredible yesterday. I had energy to burn and it felt like I had all the time in the world to do everything I hoped to do with my final day of holidays.

It was a very good holiday. It was a mixture of doing all I wanted to do, all I hoped to do and all I needed to do. 

I think I'm ready to face this bright and shiny new year now. How about you? Did you fulfill your want/hope/need tank throughout the holiday? Or did you overdo? How are you facing this bright new year? 

I hope you did what you wanted, needed and hoped to do with any of the time off you may have had this holiday season. 

Happy January 4th. 

Holiday Recap

As my holiday winds down to a close, I am happy and relieved to say it was long enough.

The first six days of my ten day vacation were committed. They weren't busy. I was just committed to do something or be some place and be present and accounted for. Pretty much like my day-to-day life.

"Committed" is a word that describes my life. I am not all that terribly busy but my days and weeks are mapped out for me. Sunday is the day I carve out for myself. Whether it is to do nothing or to do something or to do anything in between, Sunday is "my" day.

I have just had four consecutive Sundays in a row. I am rather disappointed to say I have wasted most of that which I was given.

Day #1 - I boiled turkey bones. All day. My pot was not big enough to do the job in one fell swoop, so I turned a minor task into a full day job. That (turning a small job into a big one) is what I do. A lot.

While I boiled bones, I did a week's worth of word puzzles that had accumulated in my absence. I caught up reading the blogs I follow. I quite literally wasted an entire day away on the computer. And accomplished nothing. Except five containers of turkey broth and home-made turkey soup for supper.

I gave myself a pass on Day #1. I tell myself that I needed that day.

Unfortunately, Day #2 wasn't much better. I collected and tallied month-end and year-end financial numbers. I compared "where I was" to "where I am" and I shouldn't have been surprised to find that I am almost in exactly the same place as I was a year ago.

Yet I was still surprised. How could I fritter away an entire year and have so little to show for it?

So I went and watched movies. All day. I've had "movie marathon days" before and usually come out of that kind of day inspired with some little nugget of perspective I didn't have before I started the day. Not this time. I wasted an entire day.

That brings me to Day #3. I barely remember that day and it was only yesterday. I played with a "GST Return" and ended up with more questions than answers. I fiddled around with a little project I started but didn't go far with that.

I took down Christmas decorations and wondered why I didn't take time to appreciate the lights this year. I turned on the lights for my daycare family. I turned on the lights for my own family on Christmas Day. But I didn't sit still and savor the light this year. Not once. I was too busy tending to the details of things-to-do-before-Christmas in rooms that weren't adorned by Christmas lights. It was the first time I regretted moving the TV and computer out of the living room.

And I washed my hair. It was a very hard day for me. But I endured.

I haven't stepped out the door in three full days. Okay, I took out the garbage on the first day. But since then? I haven't taken one step outside of our home.

I wrote "all of the above", walked away from the computer and tried to figure out exactly how I had frittered away an entire year, then (subconsciously) slapped myself in the head and said, "DO BETTER this upcoming year!"

This year, the slate is clean. That which sapped my resources is done and in the past. The only reason I feel depleted these days is because I am not expecting enough of myself.

I flipped back through the calendar pages and see that I did not waste an entire year. I went places and did things. I started spending my energy and resources on fixing up and decluttering our home. I have taken that-which-I-have and shuffled things around so life feels all shiny and new. And I didn't spend a penny doing that (that isn't counting the great window renovation of 2015). I spent a lot of money on the house but I culled through that very same house and made a little money selling off the excess as well.

I walked away from this computer and made plans with this day and now I must set out and follow through on them. My Christmas vacation of 2015 is going to end on a high note. I am meeting my son for lunch, I have invited friends over for supper and I am going to run those errands which I have been putting off since I got home four days ago.

It's going to be a very good day. Perhaps at the end of it, I shall survey my life and set out a few introspective renovation projects for myself. Perhaps ...

Out With the Old

There is something symbolic in hanging up a fresh, new calendar. It hasn't been messed up with notations, appointments, life happenings and all the stuff that gets scribbled onto the pages as the year goes on.

I have a hard time letting go of the old. I always keep my previous year's calendar close at hand and it amazes me how often I have to refer back to it to nudge my memory.

My calendars are pretty boring. They are all about "work" and "daycare comings and goings". I write the odd appointment down and often make note of how I spent days off and holidays. I try (but often forget) to note when I've gotten together with friends or done something a little out of the ordinary.

My financial spreadsheets get a lot of wear and tear as I reconstruct the financial aspect of what I've spent, where my money has gone and justify how I literally "spent" my year.

What was the year 2015? What have I learned? Where will I go from here? And how much control do we really have over our destiny anyway?

Last year had its share of woes. Probably no different than any other year. In fact, when I gloss over the year in my mind I would quite likely say it was a pretty good year. All's well that ends well. And the year ended on a calm and predictable note. Sort of.

Life as I know it has remained pretty calm and stable. There were the rather predictable ebbs and flows within my work situations but my personal life? I didn't push myself out of my comfort zone very much. It was a comfortable year that way but not really all that good for me. It is good to feel uncomfortable from time to time. That is the part where you learn, grow, reach out and become a little bit more of who you already are.

When I scan back last year in my mind, I remember feeling the fear of loss in the air. I remember doing all that was in my power to do. I remember giving as much as I had to give at the time. I remember trying my best. But my ability to give and my best was not really all that great. Good enough, I suppose but I didn't push myself as hard as I could have and should have.

I am not going to "could've, should've and would've" myself to death. What's done is done. I did my best at the time. Maybe I will do better next time.

As I look back on the extra-curricular outings and excursions I planned, they are tainted with all that was happening in and around the time of our plans. "Should we back out and cancel?" was a common theme among everything I tried to plan in advance. The last time I planned, I can remember screaming inside my head, "THIS ... is why I don't like to plan things!" I think I may have made a solemn vow never ever to plan ahead again. Ever. That was probably not a wise decision.

Life demands that you "plan" things. If you don't, you end up wading aimlessly through your days. I don't mind the odd day or two where I have no plan or purpose. But by the end of that second day, I know something has to change. And that something is ME.

As I hung up my clean, crisp and new calendar, I wondered, "What now?" I wondered in a way that felt like I had no control over the days and months as they unfold. Then to prove my point, I woke up to an email telling me I was exactly right about that ...

A new little girl is joining our daycare family in a few days. I had my reservations about saying "Yes" to this family because one of my parents on maternity leave will be returning to work in seven months. Do I say "No" to opportunities as they present themselves and count on what I think the future will bring? Or do I say "Yes", knowing that the future is completely uncertain? I decided to say "Yes" and let the chips fall where they may. They have already fallen.

My new little girl is only going to come for one month and then one of her parents is going to stay home with her.

It is January 2nd and life is telling me "Don't count on anything". I can't stop remembering about all that I didn't know as I flipped over the page into the new year 2015, but in reality all that was about to happen was already well in progress. I just didn't know it at the time.

I know we can't know what is going to happen. I know we have to just keep opening up each day like a gift and appreciating what we have when we have it. I know life is full of unexpected surprises. I strongly suspect if I were to keep score, the happy surprises would outweigh the sad ones by far. And even the surprises that break your heart are often laced with light moments and gratitude and small blessings along the way. I know I must focus on the goodness in life. And honestly, for the most part, I already do that.

I have just been too still and too quiet the past few days. I have spent an inordinate amount of time with our cats, who have done their best to amuse and entertain me. I could have used a little less "entertainment" at 3:00 this morning though as our senior cat in residence decided to chase ghosts on my bed. Over and over and over again...

It is time to hop in the shower and wash out the cobwebs. It is time to sit back and count my blessings. It is time to get dressed and walk out into the world and see where the day takes me. It is time to look up and rejoin the land of the living.

It is time to start dreaming again.