A Bonus Hour (or was it?)

I seem to have woken up with Sluggish Brain Syndrome. My thoughts are pinging all over the place and I can't seem to pin them down. My morning puzzles challenged my concentration skills and here I am. It has been two hours since I put my feet on the ground to start this day and I may as well just be getting out of bed.

I offered to drive my boss to an appointment this morning. Thus, I got up an hour earlier than I normally do. Is that the issue?

I am unsure how the middle of this day will unfold. My boss has told me I don't need to go back to work today. But I offered to drive her around between and after her appointments, so I will go to work and be available. There may or may not be a lot of time in between her appointments so she did suggest we could go out for lunch together if there is time to kill. 

The day will end early. I am just uncertain what time that will be. Which would be nice to know, because my aunt & I are headed out to my sisters' camping spot (an hour out of the city) after I'm done work. I'd like to let my aunt know what time that will be. But I don't know.

A quick trip in and out of the city means I should stop and get gas. Most people would pack up something to bring along. My aunt has suggested we bring a watermelon. I'm not sure.

Our little day trip will be fun and enjoyable once we get out on the road. I can't wait to point my car out of the city and head due northeast.

Then there is my next out of city adventure that has invaded my brain space. What do I need to do and what do I need to pack to head off into a technology free weekend? So far, my list includes:

• small screwdriver to tighten the screw in my glasses (it needs to be tightened every other day otherwise it unscrews itself and the lens pops out without provocation)
• books
• puzzles
• pens and paper

What will I do with a weekend of being "unplugged", unreachable and cut off from all means of cellular phone and internet coverage? The only decision I have made thus far, is that I will opt to stay "on the mountain" and out of range for the entirety of our weekend. Or else just leave my cell phone at my brothers? So many questions, so little sleep.

I just had an epiphany. 

I was worried when our cat didn't come out to greet me this morning as he always does. I puttered around here for the better part of an hour before I checked in on him in his nesting spot. He loves attention and morning is a very sociable time for him. This morning? Nothing. Even when I went to check on him and coax him out of his hiding spot, he simply lifted his head, looked at me, then put his head back down and closed his eyes. 

I got a minor pit in my stomach. This is not normal. What if he is sick? I went about my unsuccessful puzzling and put that worry to rest and simply hoped for the best. I would check on him again soon.

Shortly thereafter, he popped out of his hiding spot and started vying for my love and affection. There was not one thing amiss. 

I just remembered. I got up an hour early this morning. We are ALL out of sync with this new wake up time. 

I am not quite certain if I accomplished anything extra with this extra hour this morning. There is a reason I usually react exactly as our cat did at 5:30 a.m. - I open my eyes, check the time, close my eyes and revel in that last enjoyable hour of rest.

The only thing I may have gained, is losing an hour at the end of the day when exhaustion overwhelms me earlier than normal. And I will wonder why, because I will have all but forgotten this morning's early wake up time.

Re-Syncing Our Clocks

I had to replace the batteries in Mom's clock yesterday morning. Then I had to reset the clock this morning in order to re-sync the correct number of chimes with the hour. When the clock didn't reset itself overnight, I wanted to do what Mom would have done. I wanted to call my brother ...

It has been nine months since Mom died. The battery life left in her clock. Yet time just keeps moving onward.

There have been times when I have been out of sync with this forward motion of living, much like Mom's clock. I was stuck in some places longer than necessary. The days were moving forward but I was falling behind.

There is so much to do at first, so your heart doesn't catch up to your reality immediately. I think my heart caught up with our new reality in the dead of winter.

Spring had the ability to reset the clock and put my heart and head in sync with each other again.

I still think of Mom lots. I would have asked her to clarify so many answers for me if she was still here. I wonder what she was thinking and feeling when her ability to conquer what ailed her started to decline. I asked her so many questions at the time. I guess what I wonder the most is what she was going through physically.

Her motto was "mind over matter" and near the end, she even commented that perhaps she could beat the odds. "They do make mistakes you know..." There was the time when she seemed to say aloud what she only meant to think "I have so much to live for ..." This is slightly paraphrased but what I understood her to say is that she had a good life and she was willing to fight the good fight (or at least not show weakness).

I feel like I'm back in real time again. I let my mind wander and wonder but I don't stay there. I have subconsciously hit the "reset" button and I'm living one day at a time, savoring the small stuff, honoring memories and working on making some new ones.

So I called out (okay, I texted) to my brother last night. It had nothing to do with the clock. It had everything to do with simply touching base and checking in. Mom would have wanted to know how things were, so I checked in. In a "Mom" kind of way. I did the same with my Oldest Son.

Mom would have chided me, "You didn't call!!?" she would ask me incredulously at times when I let too much time elapse between check ins.

I feel Mom tapping me on my shoulder and reminding me to check in. Checking in keeps you in sync with "real time". Checking in keeps you present. Checking in keeps you from checking out.

My check in with my brother ended with us looking toward some future plans. My side of the conversation ended with the words "Thank you. I am eternally grateful." And I was. More than he knew.

At the start of our conversation, I was feeling so very hesitant about our upcoming trip. By the end of it, I was starting to anticipate and (dare I say) look forward to it.

I'm so very glad I checked in. That check-in re-synced me once again. My morning thoughts of wanting to call my brother turned out to be exactly what I needed to do.

Thanks, Mom. I needed that check-in more than I knew.

My Little "Helper"

I took one of the organizing tips I read yesterday: "Work in small bursts" and made the most of two hours I had at my disposal.

I pulled out one of the Rubbermaid totes full of stuff that needs to find a better home, along with two baskets filled with a variety of memorabilia. Apparently I am an optimistic thinker.

I didn't manage to put a dent in the contents of the Rubbermaid container but I DID empty the two baskets.

True to form, a person empties one thing and something else fills it up. In this case, a cat (I just realized the white basket Jet is sleeping in does not contrast well against the beige carpeting). 

And yes, he also managed to push open the lid of the Rubbermaid container and rested for a while atop the collection of "stuff" inside of that. If nothing else, he proved the container was not entirely full. There is still enough room to hide a cat.

My little helper ... who says organizing can't be fun?

One Thing Leads to Another

Here is the rundown of my morning-so-far:

I am feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Literally. I feel just plain "blech". The food I am eating, the amount of food I am consuming, the way I feel after a Pringle &/or chocolate bar binge and my emotional attachment to food has me looking seriously at trying to get to the bottom of the issue of "eating".

I am presently in a researching phase. I have discovered a program designed to help without the purchase of hundreds of dollars of quick fix supplements and gimmicks. I have stumbled upon Whole 30.

I googled "What can I eat on the Whole30?" and ended up finding a blog with not only a condensed list of do's and don'ts, but a link to recipes and resources to utilize when committing to this 30 day plan.

It was at the bottom of this post, where I followed the temptation of their "You May Also Like" suggestions.

I clicked on the one that said "What NOT to do when decluttering";

Which led to "10 Habits of a Highly Organized Person";

And finally to "Clutter Cowgirl"

I was pleased and delighted to find by reading what NOT to do when decluttering, it made the whole idea of "beginning" feel more attainable.

I sat a little taller and felt a little lighter when I read the list of habits a highly organized person has. I have discovered I'm more organized than I give myself credit for.

I have a feeling that a lot of my food binges are connected with the emotional baggage of "having too much" and feeling overwhelmed is tied up with monumental task of sorting through and releasing the excess.

I took a pen and pad outside with me yesterday morning and started my quiet day of reflection by writing down what needs to be fixed, adjusted and built to start creating the life I have mapped out for my life and our home.

One thing keeps topping the list each and every time I do this. A Murphy Bed and turning the closet into a book shelves in "Mom's room".

Definition: Mom's room - Mom was our home's very first house guest; this was our first guest room; I told her I would forever think of that room as her room; when our home had three spare rooms to offer our overnight guests, Mom would always choose "her" room. 

Mom's room is the most heavily laden with emotional ties. Yet I have a feeling "this" is the room that will set me free once I have it looking, feeling and acting in the manner in which I have envisioned. I want to turn this room into a library/den. Will it need to function as an office one day? I hope not. I want this room to feel like a place where you could not only curl up with a good book, but house a guest who simply feels welcome.

"I get stressed out when I have too much" was a realization I rediscovered and reaffirmed last week. Our home is "too much".

As I sat and soaked up the day outside yesterday, I reflected on how our yard was being underutilized. My son kindly offered the consolation that during my daycare days, our yard was probably used more than most people's yards ever were. But the words "how can we utilize it now?" would not stop cycling through my mind.

Our home houses far too much excess. Perhaps, in keeping with the thought of cleansing our cupboards, fridge and freezer of unqualified foods for my up and coming 30 day eating plan, I can begin by not adding more groceries where there is already more than we need.

There are so many aspects of my life that require a good and thorough de-junking. It is overwhelming. Is it a coincidence that my body is uncomfortable with its excess at a time when I am feeling there is far too much I need to let go of within our home? I don't think so.

There are so many emotional ties and triggers to that which becomes "excess". Which leads me to my first course of action. One of the MANY suggestions I have just read is to "work in small bursts". I have just committed myself into going into work this afternoon, so I have two full hours at my disposal. Perhaps I could use the first hour to sort through one of the boxes in Mom's room. Perhaps ...

A Quiet Sunday

It's been a quiet and reflective kind of day. 

Basically, all I did was sit in the yard. All day.

Dreaming ... reading ... cat and bird watching ...

Thoughts of Mom wafted in, out and through my mind.

As I soaked up this quiet sunny summer like day, I wondered what Mom was thinking and feeling during the quietness that defined her home and life.

As I settled into the day, I thought how nice it would be to just sit here and have someone drop by unexpectedly. I wondered how often Mom may have had that thought. 

I thought of Mom's daily routines, her enjoyment of her sunroom, her trips to the mall, her voice on the other end of a phone call, the books she read and the friends and family who did drop by.

As winter was coming to a close and spring had not quite sprung last year, she commented on how peaceful it was just to sit back in her living room and gaze out the window. 

She knew the comings and goings of her neighborhood, enjoyed the rabbits who frequented her yard and I remember her talking of a crow that had only one foot. He came back the next year but not the following one.

Mom was an observer of life and had a memory like no other person I know or have known. Her thirst for knowledge was unending. She had a quote, a verse or a song for every occasion. 

I miss having her around. It would have been nice to chat with her on this quiet Sunday.

Saturday Morning Meanderings

I woke up around 4:00 this morning. The millisecond my consciousness remembered what morning I was waking up to, I did a little happy dance inside my head. "Saturday mornings are my most favorite thing!!"  I said to myself. Then I remembered I had an appointment to donate blood at 9:20 a.m. Sigh... "I will have to get dressed and leave the house today. Rats!"

I am a home body. Plain and simple. I love being home, staying home and inviting others into our home. I LOVE our home. Maybe I should clean and fix it up a little...

In the name of becoming brave again, I went and made plans to leave this oasis three weekends over the course of the next four months. I hate to say it, but I can't wait to have it all behind me.

I was asked if I was looking forward to our upcoming reunion. My answer: "Sorta ... mostly ... yep?" I'm looking to everything except leaving home. And being outside with ticks, caterpillars and mosquitoes. I'm not a big fan of nature unless there is a roof with a plate glass window or screen to protect me from the insects.

I should start walking regularly. It would be good for every part of my being. But it is caterpillar season and it would be bad enough if all one had to do was dodge them on the sidewalk. It is the ones spinning a web so they can touch down on planet earth that give me the weebie jeebies. Then there are the ticks. I think they came out the minute the snow melted. Ugh! Nature!!

That said, I am feeling a pull towards nature, being outside, away from the hum of technology and stepping far, far away from being "reachable". Maybe I do need to leave home after all?

Guess what?! I'm booked for that little retreat. Maybe I'll love it so much I won't want to come back home....

Where is your happy place?
What grounds you?
Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?
What energizes you?

Here is a little Facebook quiz I completed this morning which derailed my original thoughts and diverted them elsewhere. What are your answers?

▪️Favorite smell - Lilacs
▪️First job - Ice cream scooper at "Mac's Big Top"
▪️Dream job - Working out of my home again
▪️Astrological Sign - Scorpio
▪️Favorite foot attire - My ballroom dance shoes
▪️Favorite candy - Sweet Tarts
▪️Favorite ice cream - Vanilla, with mini M & M's stirred in
▪Pet Peeve - Dishonesty
▪️What are you listening to right now - Cat purring on my lap, bird chirping in the back yard, the whirr of my laptop and the tapping of the computer keys as I type
▪️Favorite condiment - Pepper
▪️Favorite Holiday - Thanksgiving
▪️Favorite day of week - Sunday
▪️Favorite animal - Cats
▪️Tattoos - None
▪️Like to cook - No way, no how
▪️Can you drive a manual transmission? Is it like riding a bike? I could 30 years ago
▪️Favorite color - Deep royal purple
▪️Do you like vegetables? Yes
▪️Do you wear glasses? Yes
▪️Favorite season- Spring (after the mud dries up and before the bugs come out, actually I think that day was May 5th)
▪️Dream travel destination - A cruise (it doesn't have to actually go anywhere - just roll the scenery by and rock the ship ever so gently, so I don't get sea sick. P.S. I'd like to watch the whales while taking in the roll-by scenery)

Short and Sweet

I have spent the morning tying up the Month of May's loose ends and now I'm ready to start over with a fresh and clean Month of June.

I have little time left over before I run out the door to begin the day that marks the end of another work week, so let me leave you with this thought as you embark on your Friday:

Let's leave the world a little better place than we found it today. Small acts of kindness go a long way. We have no idea what another person is going through as they warrior through their day and we cannot begin to guess. Let's spread a little kindness today.

I found this on Facebook this morning and as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words:

Credit goes to:

https://www.facebook.com/Snoopy/photos/a.164481990269232.46758.161564697227628/2165976186786459/?type=3&theater