A combination of excessive spending, month-end recaps and accounting have me counting up all of my pennies this morning. And oh, what a lot of pennies there were to account for.
I have devoted my holiday to our home and invested my money in things that don't really show to the naked eye (or those who don't know what the "before" picture look like). But they matter.
A small bit of yard maintenance added to a bathroom touch up has equalled less than the money I spent on my more frivolous vacations this year.
Two days in Las Vegas + a five day trip to go East = seven days of frivolous spending.
I have had seven days of spending throughout this vacation at home. I have spent money each and every day. It felt like I spent a small fortune on my home maintenance and repair project, but as it turns out I have still spent less than the money spent on my gad-about trips.
I have no regrets. I did what felt right at the time. I followed some whims. I followed my heart. But this past week? My heart was happy and content right here at home.
Mom always said she had a very hard time coming to terms with spending money on a vacation. A trip comes and goes and you have nothing to show for it (I don't think pictures and memories matter that much to Mom when it comes to extravagant spending). She always said she could spend that same amount of money on their home and she could enjoy the benefit of that spending for years.
After my one week stay/work at home vacation, I am grasping what Mom has always felt and believed.
It has been thoroughly satisfying to putter away, aid and abet those I hired to do the hard work and see a small transformation in just a few areas within our house and yard.
The guy I hired to do my painting and other miscellaneous tasks was a salesman. He was telling me that what I was spending my money on was not increasing the value of our home. I couldn't seem to make him understand that I really couldn't care less about increasing the equity I have in our home.
For one thing, I don't have the kind of money it takes to do a full kitchen &/or bathroom reno. Nor do I have the time.
My goal was to increase the value of our home to me. The person who cleans, maintains and is responsible for it. I want to feel good about where we live. I simply want to live in a home where it looks like somebody cares.
I had one short week to do what I could, to inspire and motivate me to clean, repair and keep doing small things as I go along, instead of focusing on the overwhelming feeling of falling so far behind on everything house related.
I believe I have two good days of work I can do ahead of me. I don't need someone to hold my hand and carry me through. The heavy work is done. At least for the moment.
I really needed to be reminded of the fact that I can do hard things. I can putter away and make a small difference over a longer time period.
Yes, I still feel overwhelmed when I look at the "next" room. That hasn't changed substantially.
What has changed is the way I feel inside. Slow and steady gets you somewhere. Anywhere. Sometimes anywhere but where you are at is exactly where you need to be. Physically and mentally.
Using my body and mind has been invigorating. I haven't ran any marathons here. I have been working at a regulated pace. I seem to be spending an extraordinary amount of time making returns and repurchasing what I think we need.
My credit card will need a vacation after this holiday. Not from misuse. I haven't made any extravagant purchases, But the frequency of usage due to my slow and steady spending is wearing the numbers off my tired old card.
I stopped and tallied up my spending this morning. It felt like I was going to be in way over my head. But I'm not. I'm holding steady my break even point.
I haven't worried about the money as I go along. I seem to have a mental scale that keeps me from going overboard. When it starts tipping to far one way, I seem to reign myself in.
I have found myself putting that-which-is-not-necessary back on the shelf. Even after holding it and carrying it around for a while. Something sane and rational is happening within my subconscious mind. I seem to have this internal balance thing in check.
There have been times when I have spent money to fill a void. That isn't happening here. I am spending what is necessary. I have splurged by replacing that-which-was-still-serviceable with new and matching and a little bit pretty. At least to me.
It's been a great vacation. I still have three days ahead of me. I am almost at the point where my spending is done. Except I have one more return to make. And oh, if I just bought a can of paint so I could do some touch ups when time and energy allowed, maybe, just maybe, I could try and find a way to keep this ambition alive.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Friday, July 31, 2015
Stuck in Perfection Mode
"This" is why I do nothing. Because when I do decide to do "something", I have expectations. I don't think I expect perfection but maybe I do.
I hired a painter to paint the bathroom for me because there were some really big patch jobs to be done and I knew I didn't have the skill level to do them right. So I hired an "expert".
Okay, maybe he isn't an expert. Maybe he is a jack of all trades, self taught and a learn-as-he-goes kind of guy. His motto seemed to be "I do the job I would do for myself. If it is not good enough for me, it isn't good enough for my client."
Perhaps I should have toured his home first to see if our acceptance levels are compatible.
Well? I should have surmised our perfection levels were askew when I showed him various things around the house that I was wanting to repair or replace (after I found out he dabbles in a little bit of everything):
I hired a painter to paint the bathroom for me because there were some really big patch jobs to be done and I knew I didn't have the skill level to do them right. So I hired an "expert".
Okay, maybe he isn't an expert. Maybe he is a jack of all trades, self taught and a learn-as-he-goes kind of guy. His motto seemed to be "I do the job I would do for myself. If it is not good enough for me, it isn't good enough for my client."
Perhaps I should have toured his home first to see if our acceptance levels are compatible.
Well? I should have surmised our perfection levels were askew when I showed him various things around the house that I was wanting to repair or replace (after I found out he dabbles in a little bit of everything):
- a crooked screen door that doesn't close properly and where you can see a ray of light from outside, at the top of the door - his response? "Well, screen doors do that."
- exterior doors that don't feel "secure" to me because the deadbolt doesn't latch/click completely when closed? "That doesn't matter, in fact it's even better because it is less likely to break if it doesn't 'click' closed."
- a broken piece of plastic that (I thought) was the only thing that is keeping one entire pane of glass in the screen door (he explained later, that there is a bead of silicone most likely holding it in place) "It still looks okay, I wouldn't worry about it." I'm not concerned about the appearance! I simply want that long, skinny pane of glass to stay where it belongs.
If he didn't profess to be close to perfect, I wouldn't have expected so much. But every step along the way, he told me how he was better than the last painters who were here. He showed me his tricks and although I didn't really see what he was talking about, I nodded and smiled.
The job is "technically" complete (pending my approval). The patch jobs are really, really bad. I am not good but I think I could have done just as well as he did. I'm pretty sure of it. That is why I quit painting.
I haven't paid him a penny. He brought the imperfections to my attention (or did he just respond to my staring at the glaring imperfection of it all?). He said he will redo it today if I want him to.
When I asked him what he would do if it was his house, he pointed out the stipple missing from the ceiling (he said he didn't include ceilings) and the paint chips on the painted tiles behind the sink and said, "Since there are already so many things that are wrong here and this is just a quick patch up job, I'd probably just leave it."
Not impressed.
So I will nicely ask him to do his best to fix up the patches and while he is at it maybe he could touch up the places where his paintbrush missed when he was cutting in along the vanity.
He has installed a new light and will install new taps and towel racks. He said he would do some minor fix-ups on my existing doors.
If he still has time on his clock, I will ask if he could sand down the bathroom vanity cupboards for me. I was going to get him to paint the cupboards for me but I am very pleased he completed one job before tackling the next. Our "fussy meters" are not in sync.
I am not good. But I can do just as good of a job. And my hourly rate is a lot cheaper.
So much for the idea of finishing that book I started reading sometime around Christmas time, during my holiday. I recently reread what I read in January to refresh my memory. I may have to reread the first half of the book one more time before I manage to sit still with it.
This nasty quest for "perfection" or simply "better than I could do myself" is cutting into my holiday time.
"As bad as I am and as good as you are, I am as good as you are as bad as I am." ~ Mom
Maybe that quote doesn't apply to electrical, plumbing, jobs that require muscle, precision and skill. But I think my painting is "good enough". Now that is something I didn't want to learn today!
Dad was pretty close to "perfect" when it came to home maintenance. I remember well, the way he handled those "patch jobs" while painting. I have no idea how he did it. It took time and many, many (many) repeat steps of patch/sand/paint; patch/sand/paint but when he was done, the job was done right.
I don't know who has that same code of perfection these days. Perhaps "perfect" is not worth it. "Done" and "good enough" are the goal. Right?
I suppose. Just not when you are paying someone by the hour.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
It is a Start
Holidaying is hard work. There doesn't seem to be enough time in the days to do all I want to do and still have any waking hours left in me.
I guess I am accustomed to cramming all that needs-to-be-done into the hours of 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., then when my daycare day ends, so do I.
In my regularly scheduled life, I do what must be done and then I rest. I love the "resting" part of my day. It is my light at the end of the tunnel. It drives and propels me. I do what I have to do, so I can sit still at the end of the day.
It is a simple life, but it is mine and I love it.
That is why I am amazed and astounded that my holiday-at-home seems so far removed from my regular daycare day.
Accomplishing tasks throughout the day is rather invigorating and motivating. One thing leads to another. And another. And another.
It is intoxicating. It is also rather expensive.
I have concentrated my efforts in one room. It is the only room in the house where I am not distracted by "life", a TV, a computer or kids. It is one area where life's distractions don't follow me. A cat or two? Perhaps. But for the most part, it is the one place where I sit and stare at the walls without distraction.
The bathroom.
It seemed like a very good place to start. It is small but not without many nooks, crannies and corners. I am not doing a full-fledged reno. I have hired a painter and he will tend to the stuff I cannot do. While he is here, he said he could replace the light, taps and change out any of the towel racks, etc.
Just like the work we did outside on the weekend. To anyone else, I am doing what should have been done all along. It is nothing big, extravagant or room-altering. It is simply "maintenance". What I should have been doing all along.
It is small. It is expensive. But most importantly, it is a start.
Getting stuck in one place involves a lot of energy. You tend to "should", "could" and "would" yourself to death and nothing changes.
It is far more empowering to do one little thing in a forward direction.
Fortunately I seem to think my cash flow can afford it right now. For the longest time, my finances were in too much of a precarious state.
A sane person may say I am still far from a place where I should be spending money I don't have to fund my need for order within my home. A sane person may simply scrub and nickel and dime their spending to make a little go a long way.
I never claimed to be sane. But I do feel ever so much more ambitious and motivated now that I have taken that first step in the direction I want to go.
I guess I am accustomed to cramming all that needs-to-be-done into the hours of 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., then when my daycare day ends, so do I.
In my regularly scheduled life, I do what must be done and then I rest. I love the "resting" part of my day. It is my light at the end of the tunnel. It drives and propels me. I do what I have to do, so I can sit still at the end of the day.
It is a simple life, but it is mine and I love it.
That is why I am amazed and astounded that my holiday-at-home seems so far removed from my regular daycare day.
Accomplishing tasks throughout the day is rather invigorating and motivating. One thing leads to another. And another. And another.
It is intoxicating. It is also rather expensive.
I have concentrated my efforts in one room. It is the only room in the house where I am not distracted by "life", a TV, a computer or kids. It is one area where life's distractions don't follow me. A cat or two? Perhaps. But for the most part, it is the one place where I sit and stare at the walls without distraction.
The bathroom.
It seemed like a very good place to start. It is small but not without many nooks, crannies and corners. I am not doing a full-fledged reno. I have hired a painter and he will tend to the stuff I cannot do. While he is here, he said he could replace the light, taps and change out any of the towel racks, etc.
Just like the work we did outside on the weekend. To anyone else, I am doing what should have been done all along. It is nothing big, extravagant or room-altering. It is simply "maintenance". What I should have been doing all along.
It is small. It is expensive. But most importantly, it is a start.
Getting stuck in one place involves a lot of energy. You tend to "should", "could" and "would" yourself to death and nothing changes.
It is far more empowering to do one little thing in a forward direction.
Fortunately I seem to think my cash flow can afford it right now. For the longest time, my finances were in too much of a precarious state.
A sane person may say I am still far from a place where I should be spending money I don't have to fund my need for order within my home. A sane person may simply scrub and nickel and dime their spending to make a little go a long way.
I never claimed to be sane. But I do feel ever so much more ambitious and motivated now that I have taken that first step in the direction I want to go.
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Revelling in Holiday Bliss
Ping! Ping! Ping! My brain feels like the ball in a pinball machine this morning. And I think I like it.
I have been awake for an hour and it is going in a minimum of six different directions.
I'm loving "holiday mode". Loving it (yes, Mom ... I love this feeling).
Two days of productivity within our home-space, with two of my sons at my side aiding and abetting me. They were two days of enjoying my family, as we worked together, ate together and two out of three of my sons accompanied me through most of my days. It felt like a mini family reunion, of the working/eating kind.
That was followed by yesterday. Yesterday was the day I crashed and burned. Not really, but yes. I kind of did.
I woke up with an agenda. I had a letter to write and mail; a return to make; and an errand to run. I made such good time, I decided to stop for a manicure/pedicure on the way home. Two days of working in the yard did a number on my hands and feet. I had compensated my sons for working throughout their weekend. I decided to "compensate myself" with a mani/pedi. And it was good.
Upon my return home, I called Mom but she didn't answer. I didn't want to start anything until I had talked with Mom so I sat down and turned on the TV. Then I woke up. Again and again and again.
I couldn't stay awake. Immediately I thought, "NO! This is not how you are going to fritter away your holiday!" So I called Mom again. This time she answered and we talked until we were talked out.
My son and I had plans to invest part of a day (or however long we wished), playing an online mystery game. So, as soon as my day's agenda was tended to we sat down together to play our game. The game itself didn't turn out so well. But the idea was a good one (so I opened ONE more tab on my computer screen, so add that to my bullet list above), so I think we will try another day.
So once again, I sat down in front of the TV and immediately fell asleep. Again and again and again.
I woke up to pick up supper for my son (I was still working on Saturday's lunch leftovers). Sat down and slept some more.
One last errand completed the day and I managed to stay awake for an hour after I came home.
I woke up this morning worried that today could be another wasted day. But I don't think I have time to waste this day ahead of me. There are simply too many things I want to do.
I love this thing called holidays. It is giving me time to work, play and rest. As a rule, I must choose "one of the above". My regularly scheduled life does not seem to have the time to revel in all three during my down time. I can fit in all three of the above, but I don't have time to revel in the sensation.
I love to put in a productive day when I am not ruled by the clock or the calendar and can just go as long (or as little) as I want. I love the feeling of putting a big task behind me. I love the satisfaction of doing something until it is done. I love sitting back and enjoying the view of a "job well done" (or done well enough).
I love having the time to stop and have supper with my boys. And talk with Mom for as long as she wants to chat. And the ability to call a friend on a whim and following the trail that conversation may lead.
And most of all, I love going to sleep and waking up in my own bed. I love being at home, staying at home and doing all the things that ground and sustain me. Cat Chat with my Youngest Son. Watching Cat Chases in the early morning. Sitting down with my morning coffee and going with the flow of the day.
And today is quite literally flowing.
It is raining outside. As long as the grass seed we planted on the weekend doesn't get washed away, Mother Nature is tending to my outdoor work so I can "play" indoors.
And that is exactly what I am going to do.
I have been awake for an hour and it is going in a minimum of six different directions.
- I have made an east-bound phone call (so it was a decent time for them to receive a call) and left a message.
- I have addressed an envelope and have a card and pen ready to go the minute I find my way back to the kitchen table.
- I have found "inspiration" for a gift which is long, long overdue.
- I have my Kijiji open to "painters", for a few projects I hope I can get started while I am still on holidays.
- I have the final numbers I need to complete an income tax job which I have taken on
- And I have meaning to sit down and blog since the moment the caffeine kick-started my morning.
I'm loving "holiday mode". Loving it (yes, Mom ... I love this feeling).
Two days of productivity within our home-space, with two of my sons at my side aiding and abetting me. They were two days of enjoying my family, as we worked together, ate together and two out of three of my sons accompanied me through most of my days. It felt like a mini family reunion, of the working/eating kind.
That was followed by yesterday. Yesterday was the day I crashed and burned. Not really, but yes. I kind of did.
I woke up with an agenda. I had a letter to write and mail; a return to make; and an errand to run. I made such good time, I decided to stop for a manicure/pedicure on the way home. Two days of working in the yard did a number on my hands and feet. I had compensated my sons for working throughout their weekend. I decided to "compensate myself" with a mani/pedi. And it was good.
Upon my return home, I called Mom but she didn't answer. I didn't want to start anything until I had talked with Mom so I sat down and turned on the TV. Then I woke up. Again and again and again.
I couldn't stay awake. Immediately I thought, "NO! This is not how you are going to fritter away your holiday!" So I called Mom again. This time she answered and we talked until we were talked out.
My son and I had plans to invest part of a day (or however long we wished), playing an online mystery game. So, as soon as my day's agenda was tended to we sat down together to play our game. The game itself didn't turn out so well. But the idea was a good one (so I opened ONE more tab on my computer screen, so add that to my bullet list above), so I think we will try another day.
So once again, I sat down in front of the TV and immediately fell asleep. Again and again and again.
I woke up to pick up supper for my son (I was still working on Saturday's lunch leftovers). Sat down and slept some more.
One last errand completed the day and I managed to stay awake for an hour after I came home.
I woke up this morning worried that today could be another wasted day. But I don't think I have time to waste this day ahead of me. There are simply too many things I want to do.
I love this thing called holidays. It is giving me time to work, play and rest. As a rule, I must choose "one of the above". My regularly scheduled life does not seem to have the time to revel in all three during my down time. I can fit in all three of the above, but I don't have time to revel in the sensation.
I love to put in a productive day when I am not ruled by the clock or the calendar and can just go as long (or as little) as I want. I love the feeling of putting a big task behind me. I love the satisfaction of doing something until it is done. I love sitting back and enjoying the view of a "job well done" (or done well enough).
I love having the time to stop and have supper with my boys. And talk with Mom for as long as she wants to chat. And the ability to call a friend on a whim and following the trail that conversation may lead.
And most of all, I love going to sleep and waking up in my own bed. I love being at home, staying at home and doing all the things that ground and sustain me. Cat Chat with my Youngest Son. Watching Cat Chases in the early morning. Sitting down with my morning coffee and going with the flow of the day.
And today is quite literally flowing.
It is raining outside. As long as the grass seed we planted on the weekend doesn't get washed away, Mother Nature is tending to my outdoor work so I can "play" indoors.
And that is exactly what I am going to do.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Holiday Time!
"My goal is to create a life I don't need a vacation from."
~ author unknown
As I started my countdown to holidays this year, I found myself wondering how to best invest this time of "no one walking in the door at 7:30".
Did I want to run away and leave this place I call home? NO!
How could I best invest my days if I stayed home? SET SOME GOALS (but not too many)
What do I need to do that I can't do when I'm doing my "day job"? WHERE DO I BEGIN?
Then just as my vacation began, this quote found its way into my awareness. "My goal is to create a life I don't need a vacation from." It was then, that I realized just how gifted I already am.
When holiday time arrives, I am not thinking "I need to get out of here. I need to go. I need to do. I need to play."
My day-to-day life is a good one. The only thing I wish for, is more waking hours in my day so I can fully revel in my blessings. And that is what holidays provide for me.
This past year, I have been so very fortunate. In between this summer holiday and last year, our family has had three reunions. I have been to Las Vegas with my sister. I ran out to take Mom out for Mother's Day supper on a whim. I have gone "out East" with my mom to visit my uncle and cousin.
I have had gift cards for a "spa day" sitting in an envelope for nine months. I have not felt the need to run off and be pampered.
I really prefer to do my pampering at home, where I am most content. I can run to the mall closest to me, spend $40.00 and an hour of my day and come home with prettier nails and feet. I don't have the energy to pack up and drive for the spa experience when I have all I need so close to home.
In between last summer and this summer, I have lived my life like I was on vacation. Sure, I squeezed work and a few side jobs into the cracks. But I have honestly fulfilled every little dream I can think of.
All that I really want to do is relax and spend time at home, invest some energy on our home and spend some of that time and energy with my family.
And that is exactly how I spent my first day of holidays.
My Second Son came and spent the day with me. We went out for breakfast. We shopped for the supplies we would need for the tasks at hand. I made lunch. After lunch, my Youngest Son joined his brother and put in some manual labor (before and after pictures to follow, when the "after" part is complete).We all worked. Then we cleaned up and met up with my Oldest Son for supper (My Youngest declined the invitation because he was still full from a rather hearty lunch).
There was time for light conversation in between the cracks of our day. I was so appreciative of the work that was done in the time it took me to run out for groceries. I was grateful to have helping hands that are so much stronger and more capable than mine to "get the job done".
I have the gift of my Second's Sons braun, know-how and willingness to work for one more day. We have a plan. We even have our breakfast menu laid out (hmmm ... I suppose I should be the one who cooks that, shouldn't I?).
By the day's end, our back yard shall look like "someone who cares" lives here. And actually the work which will be complete will most likely only be noticed by those who do live here. Little stuff. But the little stuff all adds up and equals a "pride of ownership" which has been lost somewhere along the line, these past six years.
Baby steps.
Baby steps + vacation days = "A life I don't need a vacation from"
Friday, July 24, 2015
Holiday Thoughts
Since I have already done all of my "holiday travelling" before my official holiday has begun, one would think there is little to look forward to. Oh how wrong one would be!
Every morning this week, I have climbed out of bed with running list of things to be done before my daycare day begins. Each and every morning, my feet have hit the floor with the mantra "Only four ... three... two...one more morning to go ..."
During my holidays, I hope to wake up early and greet the day with great enthusiasm. But it will be a gift to know the day is my own. What I do, where I go and whether or not I spend the day alone with will be done out of choice. Not obligation.
It is all about the ability to choose.
During my holidays, I hope to accomplish minor feats around the house.
My Second Son has offered to help me kick-start some of these projects this upcoming weekend. We had talked about taking a road trip but I know I'm in a place where I would (finally) rather spend some of that money on our home. I could be wrong, but I think he may be in a place where he may not want to throw his money around either. I would hire someone to help me in a New York Minute but I would rather pay someone I know. So we will put our heads together, he will most likely provide the muscle power, the know how and perhaps the truck (?) to get what we need to do the job set out before us.
There are so many things that could be done around this house. Starting anywhere is better than sitting still. I am ready, willing and able to do something. Finally. My only hope is that the money doesn't run out before my ambition does.
I have an out of town "dinner theatre" date with my sister at the almost-midway-point of my holiday. It is not really a dinner theatre, but we are meeting for supper before a play. So the same thing. We shall eat, drink, visit, laugh and prepare to be entertained.
That will be followed with ONE day committed to appointments. All that is not-holiday-like must fall within that one day. I purposely booked all appointments on that one day, smack dab in the middle of my holiday so I had four uninterrupted days on one end of it, followed by five uncommitted days after that. The purpose for this, is to simulate the feeling of a two-week holiday.
I have absolutely no idea what will transpire after that one day of commitments. It may all depend on the progress that has been made in and around house-projects. If I get on a roll and things are happening, I may want to continue down that path. If I don't, there is always the option of running out to see my mom or take a day of pampering or reading or watching movies. I like those kinds of days. Just not too many in a row.
My Youngest Son has downloaded a computer mystery game which we plan to sit down and "solve" together and hopefully that is a catalyst to some holiday type activities to follow. I would very much like to do something holiday-like with him. I'm not exactly sure what that will be but I am hoping that the hours we spend solving a mystery together will lead us to where we next want to go.
I have friends who I have been neglecting. I hope there are enough days in the week to nurture those friendships. A lunch date? A coffee? A day trip??
I wrote those words and retrieved some gift cards and pamphlets for spa day, sent off an email, a Facebook message and I'm on my way to see how many "points" I have to go towards a hotel on my credit card.
Yup, the holiday thoughts are starting to flow. When I woke up this morning, it was just a trickle of thoughts. At the moment, it feels like the spring thaw.
So many ideas, so little time.
Breathe in. Breathe out. One. Day. At. A. Time.
It won't feel like a holiday if I try to do too much. I'm looking for the Goldilocks Time Zone during my ten days of holidaying. The time zone of "Just Right".
Every morning this week, I have climbed out of bed with running list of things to be done before my daycare day begins. Each and every morning, my feet have hit the floor with the mantra "Only four ... three... two...one more morning to go ..."
During my holidays, I hope to wake up early and greet the day with great enthusiasm. But it will be a gift to know the day is my own. What I do, where I go and whether or not I spend the day alone with will be done out of choice. Not obligation.
It is all about the ability to choose.
During my holidays, I hope to accomplish minor feats around the house.
My Second Son has offered to help me kick-start some of these projects this upcoming weekend. We had talked about taking a road trip but I know I'm in a place where I would (finally) rather spend some of that money on our home. I could be wrong, but I think he may be in a place where he may not want to throw his money around either. I would hire someone to help me in a New York Minute but I would rather pay someone I know. So we will put our heads together, he will most likely provide the muscle power, the know how and perhaps the truck (?) to get what we need to do the job set out before us.
There are so many things that could be done around this house. Starting anywhere is better than sitting still. I am ready, willing and able to do something. Finally. My only hope is that the money doesn't run out before my ambition does.
I have an out of town "dinner theatre" date with my sister at the almost-midway-point of my holiday. It is not really a dinner theatre, but we are meeting for supper before a play. So the same thing. We shall eat, drink, visit, laugh and prepare to be entertained.
That will be followed with ONE day committed to appointments. All that is not-holiday-like must fall within that one day. I purposely booked all appointments on that one day, smack dab in the middle of my holiday so I had four uninterrupted days on one end of it, followed by five uncommitted days after that. The purpose for this, is to simulate the feeling of a two-week holiday.
I have absolutely no idea what will transpire after that one day of commitments. It may all depend on the progress that has been made in and around house-projects. If I get on a roll and things are happening, I may want to continue down that path. If I don't, there is always the option of running out to see my mom or take a day of pampering or reading or watching movies. I like those kinds of days. Just not too many in a row.
My Youngest Son has downloaded a computer mystery game which we plan to sit down and "solve" together and hopefully that is a catalyst to some holiday type activities to follow. I would very much like to do something holiday-like with him. I'm not exactly sure what that will be but I am hoping that the hours we spend solving a mystery together will lead us to where we next want to go.
I have friends who I have been neglecting. I hope there are enough days in the week to nurture those friendships. A lunch date? A coffee? A day trip??
I wrote those words and retrieved some gift cards and pamphlets for spa day, sent off an email, a Facebook message and I'm on my way to see how many "points" I have to go towards a hotel on my credit card.
Yup, the holiday thoughts are starting to flow. When I woke up this morning, it was just a trickle of thoughts. At the moment, it feels like the spring thaw.
So many ideas, so little time.
Breathe in. Breathe out. One. Day. At. A. Time.
It won't feel like a holiday if I try to do too much. I'm looking for the Goldilocks Time Zone during my ten days of holidaying. The time zone of "Just Right".
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Feeling Empowered
I believe it is not a coincidence that yesterday's post "Openly Grateful" is followed by one titled "Feeling Empowered".
Yesterday is a day I would not want to live day in and day out.
It was full to the brim of all-things-daycare; many-things-household-maintenance added to my regularly scheduled day of children, responsibility and an evening that didn't end until sometime in and around 8:00.
I was interviewed by three families in need of daycare for their soon-to-be one year olds. Two of these interviews took place in the middle of my "full house" daycare day.
Quiet time was interrupted by a window/door guy arriving a half hour before he said he would be here. This would impress my mom greatly. But it disrupted my quiet time rituals and the house was never quiet yesterday. This is usually the death of me.
One final service call that never did take place must trickle over into today's schedule of events. But it was an excuse to stay inside with five energetic children who hadn't been outside to run and play and climb and scream all day.
My email has been a buzz of activity since I actively advertised my opening for an infant. I had to cease all interviews until I found out what transpires after talking with three separate families yesterday.
I have no idea how to handle multiple acceptances. I have not been in this place before. I do not want to have to choose.
It is a very heady experience for me to talk with new parents and "sell myself". It reminds me of why I am here, doing what I am doing.
I even confessed (more than once) to the last family who spoke to me, "I am not all that great"; "I am far from perfect"; "I could be so much better ..." in a (subconscious?) last ditch effort to create a situation so I am not the one who has to choose. Guess what? They are the one family who sent a late night email telling me they really want to bring their daughter to my daycare.
Honesty sells, I guess.
I woke up this morning feeling revived. I received so much positive energy from these interviews. I was overwhelmed by the pending estimate of doors and a window. But suddenly feeling like I have a stable income and can support whatever financial decision must be made.
I had the courage to send off a month's worth of columns, when (just two days ago) I was thinking I should just resign from this writing gig.
I feel encouraged, accepted and even though "I am not all that great"; "I am far from perfect"; "I could be so much better ...", I am content to feel "I am good enough".
I am in a very good spot in my life right now.
I am where I want to be. I feel safe. I feel grateful. Oh, how grateful I feel! Because I know only too well, that this could all change in a heartbeat.
So just for today, just for now, I am going to revel in feeling "good enough". Because that is just the best I can be.
Yesterday is a day I would not want to live day in and day out.
It was full to the brim of all-things-daycare; many-things-household-maintenance added to my regularly scheduled day of children, responsibility and an evening that didn't end until sometime in and around 8:00.
I was interviewed by three families in need of daycare for their soon-to-be one year olds. Two of these interviews took place in the middle of my "full house" daycare day.
Quiet time was interrupted by a window/door guy arriving a half hour before he said he would be here. This would impress my mom greatly. But it disrupted my quiet time rituals and the house was never quiet yesterday. This is usually the death of me.
One final service call that never did take place must trickle over into today's schedule of events. But it was an excuse to stay inside with five energetic children who hadn't been outside to run and play and climb and scream all day.
My email has been a buzz of activity since I actively advertised my opening for an infant. I had to cease all interviews until I found out what transpires after talking with three separate families yesterday.
I have no idea how to handle multiple acceptances. I have not been in this place before. I do not want to have to choose.
It is a very heady experience for me to talk with new parents and "sell myself". It reminds me of why I am here, doing what I am doing.
I even confessed (more than once) to the last family who spoke to me, "I am not all that great"; "I am far from perfect"; "I could be so much better ..." in a (subconscious?) last ditch effort to create a situation so I am not the one who has to choose. Guess what? They are the one family who sent a late night email telling me they really want to bring their daughter to my daycare.
Honesty sells, I guess.
I woke up this morning feeling revived. I received so much positive energy from these interviews. I was overwhelmed by the pending estimate of doors and a window. But suddenly feeling like I have a stable income and can support whatever financial decision must be made.
I had the courage to send off a month's worth of columns, when (just two days ago) I was thinking I should just resign from this writing gig.
I feel encouraged, accepted and even though "I am not all that great"; "I am far from perfect"; "I could be so much better ...", I am content to feel "I am good enough".
I am in a very good spot in my life right now.
I am where I want to be. I feel safe. I feel grateful. Oh, how grateful I feel! Because I know only too well, that this could all change in a heartbeat.
So just for today, just for now, I am going to revel in feeling "good enough". Because that is just the best I can be.
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