It is Never So Bad ....

It was a day of numerous small things gone awry with an equal an opposite opportunity to be grateful with every wrong turn.

1 - the fridge wasn't working. But the freezer WAS.

2 - I didn't find out the fridge wasn't working until the light of day. Thus, I didn't spend a night tossing and turning and fretting about "tomorrow".

3 - I forgot to buy necessary ingredients for my dessert and salad. The delay was a blessing, otherwise they would have spoiled in my malfunctioning fridge.

4 - No fridge? No problem. My sister saved the day and lent me an electric cooler for the weekend to buy me some time before a repair person could be called.

5 - I tripped and fell up a cement step. But I didn't rip a hole in my capris, NOR did I spill my drink or break the glass.

6 - when I tripped, I fell backwards a bit and threw a portion of my drink in my own face. But not a soul noticed my dampened hair AND it didn't wreck my hair style.

I walked into the weekend feeling overloaded and any one of the above could have tipped the scales and ruined the day if I hadn't immediately found the silver lining.

 It is said "Things are never so bad that they couldn't be worse". We are fortunate when there is  some good on the flip side of those little things that can bring a person to their knees. 

I know my misfortunes were minor in every sense of the word but I am grateful for the reminder to look beyond the inconvenience and practice picking myself up and carrying on. It is a skill best honed on the little stuff to help us find our way when the going gets tough.

Thankful for the Pause

I had no words at the end of a very long, short week. I had accomplished almost everything on my to-do-list. But due to bad planning on my part, I couldn't complete my mission. I had to wait until morning.

This morning, I went to get a nice cold drink of water from the fridge and the water wasn't cold. The refrigerator part of our fridge wasn't working.

If I had remembered to buy radishes and green peppers when I picked up groceries, I would have assembled my potato salad last night. An unrefrigerated potato salad is the perfect recipe for food poisoning. My work would have been completely and utterly wasted. 

As overwhelmed and frustrated as I felt last night, a wave of relief washed over me when I realized my good fortune. Waiting until this morning to complete assembling my salad saved my day.

Then I had to wait even longer, as the grocery store is on holiday hours and doesn't open until 10:00. When the going tough, the tough do puzzles.

Trust the pause. Good words to live by.

Mission Almost Accomplished

Four days simply didn't feel long enough to tackle all that needed to be done this week. But I did it. Almost. I forgot to buy a few needed ingredients for my potato salad so that will have to wait. 

And that is all I have to say about that.

Taking a Moment

June 30th comes with all kinds of deadlines in my bookkeeping world. 

All the more reason to take a step outside this house where I live with my work and listen to the birds:

My bird identifier app identified these bird calls as "Brown Thrasher" and "Black-headed Grosbeak". 

I gazed up into the trees and never did spot the birds who were singing so sweetly.

Thank you to my anonymous bird choir.

It was a most excellent way to start a busy day.

Take a moment to stop, listen and inhale deeply before you step into your day.

When you can't change what is going on within your world, 

remember you do have the power to impact a moment.

Equation for Groundedness

What is the equation to finding one's personal sense of status quo? That place where one feels simply "okay" with life as they know it. Not a place of "happy". Simply that sweet spot where one feels grounded enough to go with the natural ebbs and flows of life.

Depression and mental health are often talked about subjects. Open conversation and education has made a vast difference in helping the general population recognize symptoms of heart failure, stroke, cancer and numerous physical ailments and saved an untold amount of lives. Mental health is at the forefront of what I see, read and hear a lot these days. For a person in crisis to know they are not alone and there are resources to help out is very likely saving just as many lives. 

I can only write from my personal experience with what I have deemed a "borderline depressive personality". I dip from highs and lows but live most days in that happy medium of mediocracy - good enough. At different ages and stages of life, my highs were higher and my lows were lower. I have gone from living in the sharp peaks and valleys of the mountains to a hilly existence. 

I appreciate the contrasts I live with. Feeling good feels great after a period of wading through the doldrums. Recently, I was quietly thinking that I missed feeling happy. That temporary euphoric state where one feels bubbly, smiley and good inside. Then I woke up one morning feeling just plain happy. It was a wonderful thing. Within twelve hours of feeling a low-key state of "happy", I felt an equal and opposite flip of moods. It wasn't awful. It was normal. It was as if I was was on the tail end of an adrenaline rush. Poof! Gone. Back to my status quo which felt a little lower than usual due to the variance. 

I talked myself down and through the plateau: "It's okay. This too, shall pass. Going from full on "full" to "back to normal" in a twelve hour period will do this. It is just a temporary adjustment and you will self correct."

What is the formula that has evolved over the course of time? At one time I may have felt like I was free-falling without a net. Experience, recognition of being here before, faith that the moment would pass and differing hormonal levels may all come into play. But essentially, what is MY contentment equation?

#1 - it is "contentment" I seek. Not happiness. Contentment is the level playing field where a temporary state of either happiness OR unhappiness can evolve.

#2 - contentment is actually secondary. Safety, having one's physical and financial needs taken care of, a state of physical health that is not worrisome is first and foremost. 

#3 - a sense of belonging is a fundamental need. Being and feeling like you are a part of community within family, friends, work/school/and any number of other social relationships is vital to the human existence

#4 - routine, a schedule, a need to be accountable. As much as we may long for a commitment-free life, is that what is best for us? I know I thrive on routine, comfortable little ruts that get me through the obligations of a day. As much as I long for a day off of all of the above, I never feel quite as good when I let a day slip through my fingers without doing more than turning on the TV.

#5 - nourishment and sleep. Food, water and sleep are essential to life. Good-for-you-food is best though perhaps one of the hardest things to reach for when I'm on a downward slide. A good night's sleep is elusive to many so I know I'm one of the lucky ones who can do nothing but sleep when life feels hard. Finding and being able to maintain the Goldilocks Zone of just the right amount of sleep is golden.

#6 - a sense of balance between all of my needs. Too much of anything is not a good thing for me no matter if it is too much work, too much free time, too much socializing, not enough socializing. I find there is a state of okay-ness if I have a good, healthy balance of work; leisure; solitude; people; new experiences; savoring the tried and true and the list goes on.

Balancing the demands of life can feel hard. I often wonder where I would be right now if my needs hadn't been secondary to providing for my children. Earning a living, creating and maintaining a home and living with those dependent on me has pushed me to be who I am and where I was meant to be. The need to be needed is a part of the belonging part of the following equation:

Safety/security + Belonging + Routine + Nourishment + Balance (of all of the above) = Feeling Grounded

Feeling Grounded = Contentment (a very good place to be)

Going With the Flow

The words "going with the flow" came to me this morning so I searched my own blog and (surprise, surprise!) I have already written what I want to say. Here is a throwback from the year 2008. I could update and add onto what I've already written to prove the point but this says it all:

SUNDAY, MAY 4, 2008

Going With the Current

Yesterday, the message of the day in "The Secret" calendar was about when you are trying to make something happen, it feels like you are going against the current in a river. And when you are ''acting to receive from the Universe'', you will feel as if you are flowing with the current of the river.

I have noticed that time and time again in my lifetime. There are times when you follow your heart, your instinct, your calling or whatever. And everything unfolds perfectly. As if you were following a well choreographed plan.

Other times, you make a decision and it feels as though there are road blocks at every turn. Nothing goes as planned and it's like you are fighting a losing battle.

When I decided to move my family out to Saskatoon, it was one of those times when absolutely everything unfolded perfectly.

I got the first job I applied for; I found a place to live without any effort; everyone in my life was totally supportive of the move. The time and place were right. And as if that wasn't enough of a sign, I have my ''red dart story'' ...

When I moved out here, I had next to no belongings to take with me. So Mom packed up things from her house to help to make a home out of our new place. She sent a variety of belongings out with me. And one thing that she sent, was a dart board and darts. Now, you would really have to know Mom and how every game in our house had all of its parts and pieces; every puzzle had every piece in the box and anything at home was taken care of. The dart board she sent with me was missing one red dart. That, unto itself was unusual and unheard of. But what was totally amazing, is that when we moved into our new townhouse here ... stuck in the wall of the totally empty basement was ... a red dart. This sends tingles up my spine to think of this again. It was the final sign of how this move was 'meant to be'.

When I decided to try to support myself by babysitting and take a giant leap of faith to leave a fully secure job, it was exactly the same thing. I asked for a years leave of absence so I could see if I could manage to live off what I could earn. And I was granted that. When the year was up, I asked if I could work on Saturdays (to keep my options open and my foot in the door) and that wish was granted as well. Time and time again, I have run into 'tests of my faith' in the babysitting world. The income you earn when you babysit is unreliable and changes like the wind. And every time I was at a crossroads where I wondered which way I should go ... it never failed. As soon as I made the commitment within myself to stick with the babysitting, something would happen to make it financially feasible again. This has happened so many times that I have lost count. It was as though all I had to do was 'believe' and the rest unfolded as it was meant to be. It was like going with the current of the river.

Today, I have felt and been reminded of this positive flow once again ...

My aunts and Mom got together and thanked me for putting the book together with/for them. This entire Book Process has been like riding along with the flow of that river. As soon as I made the decision to follow through and actually do this, everything fell into place. Nothing was working against me (though I did have my challenges getting to know Microsoft Word!!). It astounds and amazes me just how all I really had to do was 'go with the flow', and the book took care of itself.

Now, this sounds off topic but it really isn't ...

I have been actively searching for a better home for our dog this past while. It wasn't happening easily, and then I read this quote in "The Secret." I told myself that if it felt like I was 'going against the current' that maybe I just had to believe this was happening for a reason and not to fight it. My heart wasn't in that thought though, because I knew that our dog really deserved a more loving and attentive home. I was getting so easily angered with his barking and his recent habit of digging up some new sod.

Then ... today, it happened.

A friend of a friend had just decided that they wanted to adopt an older dog and had gone to the SPCA without their kids to look around. Amazingly, the SPCA didn't have any older dogs and then my friend called her and mentioned our dog that we were trying to find a home for. Everything seemed to be working against us meeting up together this weekend, but I ended up leaving my key with my friend just in case they wanted to come and meet "Mike" while we were gone.

Well, sure enough. It was 'love at first sight'. She called me tonight and asked when they could pick him up. We talked for quite a while and I told her all about Mike, why we got him and why we are looking for a new home for him, his personality and habits (bad and good). She told me their story ... and it just feels like a match made in heaven.

He is such a good dog. But he is so neglected here. And he is going to a home with a 5 and 10 year old boys (I think) who are so excited about this. Mike adores being adored. And he lavishes his love on any willing recipient. And he loves kids.

We're 'going with the flow' once again....

Trust the Pause

Every time I spend a weekend at my little home away from home, I find myself longing for the day when this is my one and only and forever home. So many things have to fall into place before that becomes a reality.

All the variables that interconnect with lives that are not my own, not to mention the ability to (ever?) retire from the work force reminds me time and time again. Trust the pause.

If all obstacles were removed and moving here was as simple as packing up a house and selling it, I would be on my way. But I'm not there yet.  

This place where I am sitting at this very moment is exactly where I'm meant to be. 

Would this moment feel as sweet, if I didn't have the contrast of life-away-from-here to compare it to? Time will tell.

Life shouldn't feel like you are walking against the current. 

Try (just try) to relax and go with the flow. 

See where it takes you. 

Trust the pause.