Call to Action Moments

I'm writing over at my MyKawartha blog today. Come on over and join me! Here is your "Call to Action"!

Please click on this link and read a little bit more on what I like to call my "Call to Action Moments":
http://www.mykawartha.com/blogs/post/6168066-call-to-action-moments/

Today's To-Do List (this is a boring one)

My internal clock (aided and abetted by two rather frisky kitten-like cats) woke me up and got me out of bed a half hour before my alarm went off this morning. I felt wide awake so I was quite pleased to find myself with an extra half hour on my hands. Except I seem to be wasting it.

I sit here with two blog post ideas before me and the urge to write is missing. I move my gaze to the kitchen table and spot Mom's weekly letter that has not yet been sent and a pile of recipes and meal/snack planning ideas. I have a membership to cancel, a text to send (just did that) and lurking behind me is a stack of Christmas cards begging for attention. Not to mention the daycare yearbook I haven't even started ...

An extra half hour wasn't going to make a difference in that stack of things-to-be-done, so I sat here and did word puzzles, perused on-line auctions sites and basically frittered away the half hour that I was so excited to find this morning. I want a day. No, make that TWO days. I would really enjoy a weekend to tend to all I am not tending right now.

Thus, I am really, really looking forward to my Christmas holidays. I am starting to feel a little tapped out. I think that feeling is coming from not tending to what needs to be tended, more than anything else.

I really need to grab hold of ONE task and see it through to completion. 

The recipe pile? Who do I think I'm kidding!? Nothing is going to happen there today, next week or most likely until January. Take it away! DONE!

The writing ideas? They need to be tended to on a day when the words are flowing more freely. That is obviously not this morning. File that away for the moment. OKAY!

The membership to be cancelled? Leave it in front of the computer with the phone number and account number to tend to that as soon as they open. WILL DO!

Mom's letter? Stop writing this post that's going no where and finish it off to the best of my ability. Just get it done and off the table!! OKAY, OKAY!!

Christmas cards? Soon, very soon. If nothing else, I can address a few envelopes. That always moves me in a forward direction. I will address envelopes today. I WILL!

Daycare yearbook? That one needs a little time to process. Don't squeeze this into a busy day. Take a full day and enjoy the process. I always come out the other end of these creative projects happier, more positive and content in the year I just spent. Take Sunday to revel in the process. In the meantime, scribble down any ideas as they come. If I make time for it, it will come. Sunday will be my day for creativity. I am LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!

Right now? Get ready for the day. Use whatever time is left over to finish the letter I started to Mom. Then move onto the next item on my list.

Man, I'm looking forward to my upcoming holidays. Sigh...

My Annual Most Un-Christmasy Post of All

The Christmas spirit feels more elusive to me with each passing year. I am trying to go through the motions but I haven't gotten very far yet.

The lights are up, the decorations are out and my address book is sitting on top of a box of Christmas cards. Writing always pushes me through the part where I think I don't want any part of this season.

I don't enjoy shopping anywhere during the month of December. I feel there should be an express lane for those of us who are not inundated with Christmas shopping, Christmas groceries and/or anything Christmas related.

I am so grateful for the fact I don't have any Christmas related functions to attend. No need to worry about  hair, shoes, nails or a sparkly new outfit (or dusting off an old one), I am so relieved I have created a life where my social calendar in December really doesn't feel all that much different than the eleven months which preceded it. I cringe when people talk of all the Christmas functions they must attend. It is just not my cup of tea.

I'm looking forward to ten consecutive days off during the holidays. I'm looking forward to a relaxed family supper with my own little family. I'm looking forward to going out to see Mom and hopefully have the chance to see a few friends while I'm out there.  I am looking forward to a break from the routine. But Christmas itself? Not really a big deal.

I like an excuse to reach out and visit a few people via my Christmas letters. I love getting Christmas cards in the mail. The lights are pretty and (again) I'm really looking forward to some time off. But other than that, the Christmas hype is lost on me.

Let the gifts of the season be harmony within our relationships, treating each other with kindness and respect, being generous with our praise and letting others know how they impact your world in a positive way. But let's not save it just for Christmas. Let's share the joy, the kindness, the praise and respect the following eleven months as well.

I used to feel I did a better job at that. I'm losing ground with keeping in touch with people. I used to be better than I have become.

There is an idea of a "Grateful Jar" that I have stumbled upon a few times recently. Rather than making New Years resolutions, you keep track of the good things that happen throughout the year then you dump the jar full of your notations at the end of that year and reflect on all the good things that happened throughout the year.

I'm thinking an empty jar, with a little stack of notes would make a perfect gift. In fact maybe I will just make one up for myself. I think I need to focus on gratitude a little more often. It honestly changes my whole outlook on life, my "self talk" and the way I react to the world in general.

Life "is" the way you perceive that. And speaking of that and since I don't seem to have an original thought in my head today, I'm going to leave you with this little note to ponder. Life IS the way you choose to "read" it:

~ Chanie Gorkin, an 11th grader from Brooklyn

Sensitive

I had the best day of my daycare career a few days ago. I was calling it a "textbook" kind of day. The kind of day that was nothing out of the ordinary but it was extraordinary in its ordinariness. Does that make any sense? It was simply the kind of day I envisioned having every day when I took on this daycare career. I felt the way I expect myself to feel every day. I was calm, cool and attentive. The kids were all getting along and content with everything we were doing. It was really quite wonderful.

I was wafting along on that delicate little cloud feeling absolutely marvellous about a thoroughly ordinary day. I should have known something was up. Why did I feel that good over something so little? Hmmm.

Well, no more did I not have the time to ponder the thought that never crossed my mind before an innocent message from one of my parents knocked me off my cloud and into a deep, dark valley. I became obsessively worried about another non-event. A simple question which had me questioning "What was I thinking?? Why didn't I handle that differently?? What is wrong with me?"

I tossed and turned all night, knowing that I was over-reacting, over-feeling, overly concerned about something that simply needed a little clarification. I needed to be let off the hook. I needed to hear the words, "Oh, okay. I understand." You don't always get what you need in life. Get over it, girl! Pull up your socks and move on.

So I did.

The next morning, I got the  "Oh, okay. I understand" message I needed so badly. Then I heard from one of the editors I write for. I simply asked a question and I wasn't prepared for the answer I received. I just wondered how my stats were doing on the blog I write. I stopped promoting myself on my Facebook page and I wondered if that had had any impact. Turns out the answer is a resounding "YES". Recently my page views have been "zero to five" per post. Yikes. I'm not writing anything of value it seems (you may find me doing a little promoting on this page too). And hey, if anyone has a moment, please feel free to stop by and read me at http://www.mykawartha.com/blog/1594830 (link is on the left hand side of this page). At the moment I just use some of what I write here as my posts over there, but I'm thinking it's time to change that up, to spur on a little better quality of writing...

Back to my original point.

It seems every little thing I felt, the past few days has been magnified by about a hundred (maybe a thousand). My good day that felt extraordinary was the best side effect of all of this. Little things that should have gotten no more than a passing glance (and note-to-self, to do better in the future)? Not such a good feeling to have magnified by a thousand (maybe a million).

Back in the day, one may have blamed hormones on this swell of emotions over nothing that really matters. In fact there may be a little hormonal imbalance that wreaks havoc on my coping mechanisms to this day. It seems likely, because I can usually roll with this kind of stuff better.

Let's just say I've been overly sensitive the past few days. I'm much better now. Except today .... (and I could go on and on and on about a story about taking three small children for a forty five minute walk to buy batteries for a singing Christmas tree which (once it got the batteries it needed) just about drove me around the bend I had just drove around about a million times before today). I'm sure you don't want to hear about "today". Maybe I won't write for a few days. Maybe every little thought I write doesn't need to be written down and documented (except maybe I should document these overly sensitive days, so I can plan a little better for them if I discover a cycle).

Well that is enough out of me for a week. It's time to turn off my brain, turn on some Christmas lights and stare into space without thinking. Maybe I'll try that. Feeling a little overly sensitive yourself? Why not come join me? We can sit and stare and not talk and not feel together.

Guilty as Charged - Misdemeanors of an Electronic Kind

I woke up on "guilt" this morning and I am not even going to put words to my thoughts because I know the only way to rid myself of guilty feelings is to act. The moment I take action or talk my way through, the thoughts will lose their power and this will become one of a million non-events in the history of my thoughts.

I hate knowing I've done wrong or could have handled a situation ever-so-much better. Because the moment I hear the other guy's perspective, I feel defensive. I feel like I am the one who has been wronged when I start defending my actions.

I hate waking up in the middle of the night feeling an unresolved conversation playing out in my mind. As much as I tried to talk myself down, reminding myself I will forget this feeling as soon as both parties have had a chance to talk, I couldn't rid myself of the thoughts that kept waking me up.

In the old days, a person would have had a two way conversation on the phone or in person. A minor little non-event or misunderstanding would be lost in the events of the day because both people would have had a chance to speak and listen and resolve the emotions-of-the-moment on the spot.

Nowadays, a person can send a text or message or email to voice a concern. This has its benefits because you have time to weigh your thoughts and your words carefully and "without emotion" (this is debatable because sometimes the words chosen do not depict the reality of what you are trying to say).

Then the other person can respond in kind. Or ... (and why didn't I think of this last night??) one could still always pick up the phone and chat. Just to clear the air and have that interplay of words without trying to read between the lines.

As I said, the "event" is really nothing. The "feelings" are what are bothering me. I responded to the query and didn't receive a confirmation of "It's okay" in return. You sit in cyber wonderland and wonder if your words were received in the manner they were sent.

Mom is right again. This whole "texting" and "messaging" and non-personal, non-interactive generation could so easily go down the tubes. Just because of a few ill chosen words. You really have to know a person to communicate without the aid of body language and all the cues you get when you listen to the inflection of a person's tone. Smiley faces and "laugh out loud" notations just don't get the point across well enough (especially when a person thinks LOL means "lots of love" and sends a "LOL" message after hearing someone's bad news) at times.

This whole non-event should have been a three minute conversation. One where you see the other guy's smile or sheepish look when they have done something another may have misunderstood. One where the other guy had a chance to respond and offer the chance for further clarification. One where a minor little thing (I am probably the only party who lost sleep over this, but then again maybe not - otherwise why wouldn't there have been that smiley face or thumbs up or "It's okay" message to tie up our virtual conversation?).

A little thing has become bigger than it needed to be. I am equally responsible for things unfolding the way they did. Thus, my guilt.

[Insert sheepish grin here]

I know it will be okay. I know it without a doubt. I just need to hear the other side of the conversation.

Little Things - A Painting Story

Our new living room blinds finally arrived and were installed first thing Monday morning. I was rather relieved at their delay because I hadn't gotten around to painting the moulding around our new windows. I knew I needed the nudge the arrival of our blinds would provide and I was grateful their installation date fell on a Monday. That meant I had all weekend to paint the new window casing.

It is a good thing I had all weekend because that is exactly how long it took.

I had to work on Saturday and then I received a last minute invitation to go to my son's for supper after work. I left the house at 9:00 a.m. and didn't get home until 10:30 p.m. For a person who loves nothing more than being at home, it was an exhausting day. 

I was elated to wake up Sunday morning, knowing I could stay home and revel in the day. Then I remembered the dreaded painting job that had to get done. That could wait. I had "Part II and III" of my "III Part Cat Series" of posts to work on. I immersed myself in cat pictures and videos and lost the entire morning.

I poked my head out of my "writing room" (boy! I love having a laptop because I can move it into whatever room is most conducive to writing at the time) and discovered more than half the day was gone. I still hadn't picked up a paint brush. I almost felt queasy thinking of it. I think I am allergic to painting. No, not paint, the noun. Painting, the verb. What else could explain the physical deterioration of my soul as I considered the idea of picking up a paint brush?

Finally, I could hold off no longer. My oldest son was going to drop by. He said he would come in an hour to an hour and a half. Eureka! The race was on. I would paint until my son arrived. I had a reason to start the job. And more importantly, I had a valid excuse to stop. 

So I painted. I don't like painting when you can barely see the difference in the "before" and "after". The sun was shining in my eyes, so I used my paint cloth to block the sun while I painted a board that looked no different after I was done. Assuming I missed half of what needed to be painted, I went around the new window moulding twice. Where was my son? Shouldn't he be here by now??

Well, I had no excuse to stop, so I kept on going. I started painting the baseboards that were revealed because furniture had been pulled away from the walls. I could paint behind the furniture, put the furniture back and paint the rest later. Ya, right. I kind of knew that wouldn't work, but I honestly did start painting the baseboards "thinking small". Just in case my son arrived shortly thereafter.

He didn't arrive, so I kept painting. Amazingly (after I dipped the tail of my sweater into the paint can and immediately scrubbed it out), the job went fairly well. And it looks even better than that. I couldn't believe I painted an entire wall of baseboard, plus a small nook and my son still hadn't arrived. I checked my phone to find the message, "I'm not gonna have time to make it over today. Sorry."

That message ended my painting for the day. Perhaps, for the year. 

I finished my painting, moved the furniture back against the wall and appreciated the look of the spruced up baseboards. Unlike my brand new window casing, there was a vast difference in the "before" and "after" look. I should keep on painting! Ya, right.

The next morning, our new window blinds were installed but I didn't have time to sit and admire them during my daycare day. But when Mom called the moment my day was done, I closed the blinds, sat down on the love seat and just gazed at them like I was staring off into an ocean. They were beautiful. I was so grateful I had gone the extra mile and painted the baseboards below the window. Unchipped baseboards accessorized the new blinds beautifully. I should get back to painting as soon as I hang up the phone! Ya, right.

My new favorite place to talk on the phone, is sitting on the love seat as I gaze at our new blinds. A friend called me last night after my daycare day was done. I grabbed the phone and immediately made my way to the living room so I could marvel at our new blinds and beautifully painted baseboards. I really should just paint the entrance way baseboards at the very least. Ya, right.

The paint can is still sitting in the kitchen, just begging to be opened and utilized. It gives me such a lift to spruce up that which I already have. The paint and everything I need is all bought and paid for. All I need to provide is the time and energy to paint just a little bit more. 

Even without the TV in the living room, I seem to have ZERO energy at the end of my days. Maybe I can blame the lack of sun. At least until spring...

And because I feel as excited as a new parent, here are my blinds "baby pictures" and all the new ways we can use them (of course, there are a few cats tossed in for good measure).

New blinds - closed

New blinds - open

New blinds - daycare ready

Aren't they lovely?? And be sure to check out the baseboards. Beautiful, right?! I think I'm going to get ready for my day so I can stare at them a little while longer before my real life settles in and stays.

Waking Up to the Month of December

Flipping the calendar page is an onerous task on a regular, ordinary month. Turning the next page on the calendar and finding the month "December" staring me in the face is daunting.

When I woke up to a new month this morning, I went about my business updating bank books, expense sheets, submitting income reports and tied up the month for my daycare. Then I went to physically turn the page on the calendar and was assaulted by the month "December".

How could this happen so quickly? December = Christmas. Though my Christmas preparations are few, they are time consuming. Have I left myself enough time to do what I want to do before the year's end?

I like to come up with a yearbook as my gift to my daycare families. I haven't even started.

I still send Christmas cards and letters, an age old tradition which (I hope) makes up for my lack of baking, gifts and the Christmas socialization that I tend to avoid. Give me a quiet afternoon with a pen, a bunch of empty cards, a healthy supply of stamps and an endless supply of coffee over a Christmas party or gathering any day of the year.

In the past, I've tried to come up with a personalized gift for my children but they aren't quite at the place in their lives where they appreciate my efforts so that has gone by the wayside.

My idea well has run dry and my personalized gifts to others have dwindled down to next to nothing. I'm starting to feel like a shrivelled up old prune as time goes by. In giving less, I feel less motivated and the well runs even drier.

The more I "create", the more creative I become. The more I give, more I have to give.  Walking into a department store and spending money on things that no one really wants or needs is not where the "giving" is at for me. It is in the things that money cannot buy where my truest spirit of giving lies.

I used to feel more creative and "Christmasy" once upon a lifetime ago. Now I utilize the Christmas season as an excuse to push me into what I should be doing all along. Keeping in touch with family and friends and an annual recap of events for my daycare families.

I hope I have left enough white space on my December calendar so I can hang up a few strings of white lights and let the words flow. So far, so good. Maybe I should string up a strand of those white lights tonight to start me on my way to create a little of the light and peace which soothes my soul and spurs me into action. If I don't nourish that which feeds my soul, I will continue to dry up and could end up like that wrinkled old prune (literally and figuratively) sooner than I think. I hope it's not too late...