The Best Holiday I Didn't Know I Needed

Have you ever taken a holiday without really feeling a great need to get away? When the ache to separate work and home isn't the driving force? When splurging on a little getaway feels like an indulgence and not a need?

I just returned from such a retreat. I wasn't running away from anything. I wasn't running anywhere. I was drawn towards a place I called home for 18 years. I had a yearning to stay at a little home-away-from-home at an AirBnB close to where I grew up. 

I ached for an independence and solitude you don't get when you stay with family or friends. Don't get me wrong! I love visiting and meeting up with people. I simply enjoy the feeling of having time alone to digest, absorb, reflect and fully inhale the day I am anticipating or have just lived.

I had a moment of angst at the end of my very first day. It was a day where I left my little oasis first thing in the morning, touched base at one point and was immediately off again, returning at dusk. I thought "Oh no!! When will I have time to savor the moments right here at my little 'home'?"

The very next day was all about those moments. I sat on the balcony, read a book, gazed upon the rooftops and yards of the neighborhood while awaiting my guests. One set of guests left and I gathered up more company for the duration of the day. It was marvelous.

I didn't have to rush home on check-out-day so I returned to the balcony, reopened my book and simply inhaled. A deep breath where everything felt good and right. A moment I knew I could recreate at home but I savored the fact that it was nestled within memories of relaxed and relaxing visits with people who mean the world to me. 

I drove home to the sound track of music of yester-year. Feelings of days when I didn't know what life had in store and my inner me was simply young and a little naïve. 

The innocence of my youth was seasoned generously throughout a vacation away from my day-to-day life. Though I had many visits of a serious nature, I was grounded in the sensation of "coming home".

I walked by Mom's house. It has changed. Life goes on.

I spotted several rabbits as I made my way through the days. The first crossed my path as I left after a visit with my brother's family. A second was spotted as I headed southward to walk the paths of my youth. Not a rabbit to be seen near or around Mom's. One more rabbit ran parallel to me on a busy road as I headed to visit my childhood friend. Not many rabbits, but I felt a significance in the timing of their appearance. 

It was the best holiday I didn't even know I needed. I highly recommend it. Don't put off those little retreats too long. They are best enjoyed when you are enjoying a version of your best self.

Rabbit-Palooza!

I finally found out where the rabbits have gone. They have moved onto greener pastures north of where I've been searching. They were everywhere!

I spotted one. Then two more. Then four were together. I kept walking. I kept spotting groups of rabbits. A friendly walker noticed me snapping a picture. She told me she had spotted at least 25 rabbits in this park but there were more rabbits in other parks.

I stayed on the walking path and kept spotting rabbits. I ran out of path so I took the city sidewalk and circled around and took the southern most part of a different path in the same park. At one point, I saw ten rabbits in a group with a few more in the periphery. 

I was in rabbit heaven.

I stayed on the walking path and the rabbits thinned out. But they were still there. I walked to the end of the path and wasn't entirely sure of the fastest way home, as I ended up in a residential area full of crescents, coves, courts and roads to no where. 

Even as I neared home, I spotted three more rabbits in the school playground I used to frequent regularly with my daycare family.

The day feels blessed by rabbits. No woo-woo feelings about the why of it all. I simply took a new path.

Sometimes it is as simple as that. We need to go new places to see new sights, feel new feelings and remember there is more than one road that takes us back home.

Distraction Fever

I've slipped a little off the "joie de vivre" arc I had been riding but I'm hanging in. I think I know my secret to regaining lost ground.

Purpose - a keen sense of an eye on what I want to accomplish and following through on it.

Sounds simple. I must learn to live the mantra "just do ONE thing". One action in the direction I want to go. One. That one action has an equal and opposite reaction. 

Some days? One move in the right direction takes me down a garden path of distraction. Other days? One good action begets another and another and so on and so forth. Then there are the days that ONE action is the beginning and end of all good intentions. 

When the going gets tough, the tough turn on the TV. Television and the glorious invention of "on demand", taping, pausing, rewinding and all the streaming options available has become the death of my best intentions.

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. But? I do have an addiction to mind numbing activities.

I can see the repercussions in my writing. My thoughts don't have any meat on their bones. I skim the surface but I've stopped looking deeper. 

Even when I walk, my thought process has changed. I'm drawn to a park where there is a water feature that attracts nature in all its glory. I stop, look, listen and watch. Ducks, red winged blackbirds, rabbits and even bugs. Always moving. Life in motion. At least at six a.m. 

I wondered "Where do ducks sleep?" as I watched the family who appears to call this pond home. Google tells me they mostly sleep floating on the water. Floating. Even while sleeping there is movement. 

I replaced "duck" with "crow" in the above Google search and just fell down a deep rabbit hole reading about crows. Crows fascinate me ...

Distraction.

Sometimes I learn a little when I take these detours in my day.  Other times, I fritter away a perfectly good day doing little to nothing while following the whims of my thoughts. At least I'm thinking.

Today. Today I must choose and follow through on starting ONE thing. Start. Just start!

I don't want to lose the momentum I gained by accomplishing some of the tasks I call "hard". Start. Just start ...

I'm Here!

I have been walking through my days with a renewed sense of "being".

I have wanted to shout from the rooftops "I'm back!",

but the quieter I go, the more I realize "I'm here".

I'm just here.

In the moment.

Moments where I'm not feeling overwhelmed or anxious.

I'm present.

I'm here.

The stage of dormancy I retreated to has passed

for the moment.

I'm acting on my thoughts

and the rewards are plentiful.

I've been walking this week.

First thing in the morning is the only time I seem to make it work.

Nothing pulling at me, no coffee in my system.

Just early morning thoughts and the knowledge there is no better way to start a day.

I've spotted one or two rabbits each morning.

They have all seemed to be on high alert and on the run.

Except one.

When I stopped to take its picture, it had hunkered down into the "rock" pose.

I love how rabbits can hide in plain sight.

Most times, it is their movement that gives away their spot.

When one holds its ground and blends into its surroundings,

knowing full well a predator is in sight,

I wonder ...

Do you have babies close by?

Are you in protection mode?

Or do you simply sense I mean no harm?

I haven't got to know these rabbits,

so there I doubt there is any sense of familiarity.

I was simply fortunate enough to spot a rabbit hiding in full sight.

Hiding in full sight.

Kind of how I have been living the last long while.

I'm on the move.

For now.

I'm here.

And I'm enjoying the views.

 

Today

July has truly felt like a renewed beginning within this little world of mine.

Lines in the sand cement have been drawn.

A date has been set.

Day by day I see evidence of moving towards my plan of action.

One transition triggered the next course of events.

At least a year ago, I uttered the words aloud to those who would be affected,

 "When 'A' happens, 'B' will follow."

'A' happened.

'B' is in the works.

It has been like a domino has tipped over within my heart, mind and soul.

Life and death and everything in between has been brought to the forefront of my thoughts.

Friends, families, relationships and connections have been highlighted in neon yellow.

Focus on today, 

move towards the tomorrow you envision, 

step outside and take in whatever lies before you.

Breathe ...

 

Holding Memories

Memories ...

We collect them over the course of our lives

It is a gift when we can recall these moments on demand

Especially when we are reminded these moments are precious and dear,

With a limited time warranty.

A friend who was near and dear to my heart is gone

I don't know the end of her story

We had drifted apart after her last move

Distance has never stopped me before

I'm disappointed I let this time be different.

She was beyond special

Perhaps a little too precious for this world of ours.

Anyone who knew her spoke highly of her

She was an angel unaware

Beautiful inside and out

A gentle and tender spirit who walked among us.

She lived and breathed and experienced life with a sense of "aaah"

Walking beside her and seeing the world through her eyes

Made ordinary moments extraordinary.

We worked together

We remained friends despite job changes, moves and life transformations.

We were two of a small group of friends who cherished any time we could get together

Our friendships were celebrated and honored

We amassed a treasure trove of memories - written and remembered

We spoke the words out loud.

The door is always open

No pressure

Whenever you can make it is the perfect time

No expiry dates

No expectations

Simple friendship that was anything but simple

Memories I am grateful to recall in pictures, movies, notes and letters over the course of time.

Memories to have and to hold.

It's a New Year!

July 1st feels like a brand new year this year.

All accounting jobs and expectations for the previous year end have been wrapped up.

On one hand, one of my jobs will be ending any day now.

On the other hand, I have given a one year's notice of resignation to my accounting job. My goal is to organize my little office and wrap up the year 2023. Leave my work organized enough so my heir-apparent can step into the role I will leave behind.

I will then move to my little oasis on the prairie. My hope is to take the summer off and then step into a job with hours conducive to living a life beyond work, make friends and connections and let my next "happily ever after" begin.

I have learned there are no happily ever afters in life. Simply new beginnings, renewed hope and more change. Always change.

The only thing certain in life are death and taxes and change.

I have drawn a line in the cement and I'm making way for a renewed life. One year from today ...

Happy New Year!