The New Handshake

As I approached the check-in area where I work, the person checking me in pulled up her mask and I immediately put on my mask. 

I mentioned this to her, wistfully remembering the pre-COVID days when such an act may have been considered questionable. 

I then smiled under my mask while hoping the smile made it up to my eyes and said the donning of masks in each other's presence is the new handshake.

I respect you, you respect me; I protect you, you protect me. It is a sign of our times.

Our new normal is evolving. Stay safe everyone.

Time Flies

I have discovered the secret to making the months fly by is to become a bookkeeper, an accountant or any line of work that has monthly deadlines. Add working from home to the mix and these COVID months have flown by so fast I am one of the rare few who wouldn't mind going back to the beginning of all of this and doing it all over again.

Why in the world would a person want time to go by so fast? In all my years of saving, budgeting and paying off debt, "pay day" was the day of the month I most anticipated. It was the day I could knock a few more dollars off my debt load, pay off the bills and bring myself back to zero, or add to my savings (the savings part goes back to my younger, B.D. - Before Debt years). 

It doesn't matter how much or how little I make; how high or low my debt load is; or how comfortable my life should be financially, I tend to find myself recreating scarcity when it comes to my finances.

When I was working full time, paying for daycare, upgrading my wardrobe, putting more dollars into car maintenance and all the costs associated with working I always felt broke. When a window opened where it seemed like I could breathe a little easier, I added retirement savings, insurance and a regular savings plan to my budgeting scheme to ensure all annual bills were anticipated and ready to pay to recreate the feeling of never having quite enough. 

When I opened my daycare, I didn't earn enough to pay the bills at first. I dipped into my RRSP to shingle the roof. I withdrew the un-locked portion of my pension to make ends meet. I did what it took to keep the bills paid. There was no room for saving but I was at home and paying the bills. I was rich in all the ways that mattered. Just not financially.

Eventually, my daycare income became stable enough to sustain our household expenses. Once again I found ways to return to the feeling of scarcity in the budget. Whether it was house repairs or simply extra-curricular spending, I always seemed to find a way to feel like I was one pay cheque away from financial ruin.

Then came The Year of Mom. The year I ran out to Mom's whenever the need or desire arose. My employment situation was flexible enough to allow for me to take time off and go on a whim. This unpaid time off was subsidized by another pension fund withdrawal. I made it work despite the hit to my income.

I should have been on easy street from that point forward but there was the Year of Fly Away Vacations, followed by the Year of Renovations. At each and every juncture I spent just a little more than I had. 

I juggled here and there to keep balancing to zero but at the end of last year's renovations I was officially $5,000.00 in the hole. 

I thought I was in a place where I could easily pay it off in five, $1,000.00 monthly installments. I was so wrong. My annual savings account where I carefully allotted a set monthly amount to cover the larger annual expenses went by the wayside several years ago. One unexpected expense after another delayed my payment strategy. Now that the months are flying by and I have no incoming invitations and life's expenses have become predictable and manageable my debt will be paid in full tomorrow. Yay!!

This will be followed by paying my taxes, then saving for house insurance and car plates/insurance BUT if no unexpected expenses arise, I could be back in the driver's seat of managing my finances by November.

This is a big "if". There are so many unknown variables. In the meantime, I'm grateful for the speed with which I turn over a new calendar page. With each page, comes the hope that I'm one month closer to financial ease. 

Time flies when you are meeting deadlines.

Housework Hurts

I took on domestic chores in a very selective and time limited way this weekend.

Day #1 - I cooked. Egg salad, mashed potatoes and Stove Top Stuffing. I thought I would never get out of the kitchen. 

I love boiling eggs. They are the best food to cook. No fussing required. They were so easy I almost forgot I had boiled them. Then came the peeling part. The shells came off in a bazillion pieces. Why in the world did I boil so many eggs? Eventually I completed the task and knew it would be worth it when I sat down to enjoy a egg salad sandwich later. It was a little crunchier than usual. Some egg shells must have got by me. 

Then I peeled potatoes. Boiling eggs is so much more fun. I used up the remainder of a ten pound bag of potatoes. I swear I must have peeled seven of the ten pounds. It felt like the bag would never run empty. I knew there was a finite amount of potatoes in the bag so I forged on. It took forever but eventually I completed the mission.

Once the potatoes were cooked, all I had to do was mash them, clean up the kitchen and I could move on with my day. I went about the task like I always do, plugged in the mix master and whirrrrrr!!! The power switch was on and I counted my lucky stars that my finger tips just missed the whirling beaters. If I hadn't cut my fingernails, I'm pretty sure I would have got tangled up in them. I'm not a big fan of cooking but I've never considered it dangerous until yesterday.

I survived the first day.

Day #2 - I vacuumed. I've already written about this (see below) so I will say no more. Except I caught the tips of my toes in the beater bar of the vacuum cleaner. Not only is cooking dangerous, so is vacuuming. 

There is a reason cooking and housework have fallen to the bottom of my to-do-list. They are death defying feats for the inexperienced. Domestic duties should come with a warning label.

I barely survived the weekend with my fingers and toes intact. 

To Infinity and Beyond

I know the definition of infinite. I look at our cats and I know there is a finite amount of hair on them. But when it comes to vacuuming said hair? There is no end.

I vacuumed for three hours today. Then I sat down at the computer table in the kitchen and there are black cat hairs violating the space I just vacuumed. 

This all started because I washed my sheets this morning. My morning ritual of using the lint brush to rid the bedding of excess cat hair was topped up with vacuuming the quilt, then throwing it in the dryer to "fluff" and collect any cat hair that remained. There was lots.

I proceeded to vacuum every most of the nooks and crannies in my room. At one point I was standing still and a tuft of black hair wafted right into my line of sight. I vacuumed the air around me.

I vacuumed and vacuumed and vacuumed some more. I vacuumed the baseboards, some walls that had stray cat hair on them, doors, tops of the door frames, the foot pads on the chairs, end tables, couches, the stove (yes, the stove top too) and so much more. 

Cat hair was everywhere.

I started dreaming of owning hairless cats then admonished myself for being so racist when it comes to cats. I like cats with fur. I have a tendency to prefer black cats. I like short haired cats. Male cats. If the cat kingdom knew my thoughts, our front yard would be littered with cats protesting "ALL cats matter".

Racist or not, I like my cats with hair. To infinity and beyond!

The Brave Rabbit

My aunt's deck faces onto a park-like setting. It is a large green space with flowers, shrubs, trees,  a community garden and raspberry bushes in sight. There is a small ravine-like area nearby and even though the city has grown up around this area, it is a little oasis unto itself.

Rabbits dwell somewhere in the greenery and show themselves regularly. We have no idea how many rabbits actually live in the area. One time five of them hopped into plain sight when the weekly lawn maintenance crew scared them out of their hiding spots, so I believe there are many more than meet the eye.

The rabbits have grown accustomed to their neighbors. The average age within this community may be around 85 years, with a vast majority of the residents walking with the assistance of a walker. It's a quiet, slow moving, nature loving group. If I was a rabbit, this is definitely a place I would like to call home.

Last night, there was a group of all ages gathered together to provide some entertainment to the residents. My best guess is they were doing Taekwondo or some variation of the martial arts. 

Three of the younger crowd gathered spotted a rabbit and started chasing it. The rabbit must have been in a state of shock, being pursued by these fast moving humans. Instead of running in a straight line that would have led to a means of escape, the rabbit darted into a corner and had to weave and dodge to avoid its enemy.

One of the adults in the group noticed the rabbit chase and called the children off. The kids quickly heeded the command. I could feel a collective sigh of relief as the rabbit immediately knew it was out of danger.

Then what did the rabbit do? It maintained its course. It stayed in its location and edged even closer to the group. It nibbled on the newly sodded grass, wandered through the flower garden, ate a white petunia and took its merry time before it left the area.

I could have swore the rabbit looked up and watched me watching it. I think this may have been the rabbit I have bonded with recently. I have walked by and made eye contact with a rabbit on this new patch of sod a few nights as I left my aunts. I walked very close to it, it looked toward me with one ear back and one ear fully alert.

I felt a connection to the rabbit on the run. I was amazed it stayed the course and did not run off into the nearby forest to ensure its safety. When it not only stayed in the area but moved even closer to the young, fast moving group I couldn't help but wonder what instincts were guiding it. 

The wistful part of me hoped it was a God wink intended just for me. I had just written about Mom and she has been in my thoughts and conversations a lot lately. Mom. Me. Rabbits. We have a connection. If Mom could find a way to communicate with me in her absence, I think she would choose the language of rabbits.

My brave little rabbit. You may have been protecting your young and just diverting the attention of your pursuers from them. But I choose to think you were watching me watching you. It is wishful thinking but I am comforted by the thought that you could be a little God wink from Mom ...

Tough Love

I feel my inner child resurface when life gets hard - the part of me that wants to sit next to Mom and let her do my talking.

Mom was a fierce ally to have on my side throughout my life. When the chips were down, Mom had my back. She defended me. She supported me. She provided whatever was required to do what had to be done. She was there. Through thick and thin. No matter what.

In the aftermath of Mom's death, there was a void in my life no one would ever fill again. 

Life went on. I grew a little more. I endured. I pushed through. My skin got a little thicker. I longed for the days when I could drive out to Mom's and just be her daughter for a while.

There are the days I just want to be coddled and cajoled and gently urged to push through the moment I'm in. Yesterday morning was one of those days. 

The prevalent morning thought I had was to seek out a TED Talk on feeling overwhelmed to substitute for a conversation with Mom. I thought I needed some gentle urging.

Then I came upon Shia LaBeouf's "Just Do It" motivational speech. One minute and four seconds. Perfect. I had a busy day ahead of me and I didn't want to fritter away the morning. 

Then BAM! The first two words out of his mouth were exactly what I needed to hear: 

"DO IT!!"

Sometimes what we think we need is not what we need at all. A gentle nudge isn't always the best thing for us. I'm going to keep this guy on speed dial (or at least add him to my Bookmark bar).

There is no time to waste. I need to take Shia's advise and do it all over again today. No pussyfooting around...

"JUST DO IT!!!!"

The Only Way Through It

I am feeling so overwhelmed at the moment, I don't know where to start.

It's work. It's only work. But work has moved into our home with me and I'm still adjusting to my new roommate.

It sits there taunting me. Teasing me. Telling me. Beckoning me. Guilting me. Thank goodness my new roomie has a room of its own. I shut the door on it but I still hear it calling.

I invited this guest to move in with me. We are just going through an adjustment period. 

I have so much to do that my new companion woke me up at 3 a.m. This roommate is so disruptive.

As I sat with my morning coffee while attempting to write some morning pages, my pen told me what I already knew. The only way through it is to do it.

Just do it!