A Fresh New Page

As much as I think the New Year is a non-event for me, I must admit it felt rather cathartic to file away 2018 and flip the brand new calendar into the year 2019.

I struggled through some of 2018. I went on a few "fly away" vacations. I stepped out of my solitude, I worked, I played and had some fun. 

I have stepped into My Next Chapter Without a Map. I have few guidelines to follow other than a loosely thrown together list of intentions for the months as they unfold:

#1 - Next year, I am going to book two weeks of holidays over Christmas. I am not quite ready to return to life as I know it. I am JUST starting to feel a renewal of energy and wish I had more days at my disposal to start acting upon that which is starting to stir within.

#2 - START the process of decluttering with my own belongings. Mom's room, Mom's memorabilia and all the sentimental stuff has been stopping me in my tracks. I can still begin. I will just start where it is easiest. With MY stuff.

#3 - Slow and steady wins the race. As I sit here after ten full days of simply breathing, eating and following the easiest path, I feel "a list" formulating in my mind. The list of "I should's" are daunting. There is so much to do that I don't have the energy to do a thing. One. Small. Step. At. A. Time. Add ONE new habit. Live it. Breathe it. Incorporate it into my day. Once it becomes second nature, add a second life affirming action into my day.

#4 - Buy better groceries. Having good-for-us and easy to assemble food in the kitchen is one habit I want to add into our life. This is easier said while not living my regularly scheduled life. I will do my best. I will try.

#5 - Write. Just write. Whether I write in a journal, send off a note or an email or blog. I want to return to a world where my heart to fingertip connection is reignited.

I write this list of things-to-do and already I feel like I am biting off more than I can chew. ONE small step at a time. 

I feel the angst of having to step back into my daily work world. This holiday has been just what I needed. A lot of quiet. No pressure. A life where I wake up, open the curtains and greet the day before me with a little bit of joy.

How can I do this while working? 

Perhaps I need to add ...

#6 - When I wake up in the morning, GET up. No turning on the TV. No lulling myself back to sleep with my Netflix addiction of the moment. WAKE up. GET up. CREATE the time I need by being wakeful during the early morning hours. Be PRESENT. Do not sleep through my down time. 

2019 will be a year where I strive to live each day with INTENTION. I may intend to have a relaxing day. I may intend to have a day focused on living outside this cozy little oasis. I may intend to accomplish ONE hard thing. I simply need to set my intentions before I put my feet on the ground. 

ONE hard thing at a time. ONE hour at a time. Perhaps that ONE hour could be devoted to my word puzzle addiction. Do some of the hard things. Add joy. Fulfill my own needs. Find a balance. Expect that balance to change. 

I feel like I walked through 2018 in my sleep. It was not an INTENTIONAL year. It simply unfolded. That is okay. It is what I needed.

But it is time for a change. ONE small step at a time.