Paid in Full

 Another pay day, one more big bill crossed off my list-of-bills-to-pay is paid in full. Oh, what a feeling!!

It was approximately a year ago when I borrowed money from my son's savings account to paint the exterior of our home. I have been playing catch-up ever since. It has taken a year to get back to "zero" and my income has remained stable throughout this time. 

At the beginning of COVID, I was uncertain how my income would be affected. I had a back up plan but it involved incurring debt. Had worst come to worst, I would have qualified for the payments our government provided which would have been a godsend. Taking on added debt without a regular pay cheque in sight is incredibly hard to make up.

I count my lucky stars for every month where my income rolls in as expected and on time. I realize my income sources are not a guarantee and know I need to create a contingency plan for the time when this changes.

It took a year to recover from borrowing $5,000. What if my income was cut by a third? How would I manage? Contingency plans run rampantly through my thoughts as there will come a day when that becomes my reality.

Now that I'm almost in the home stretch of paying my major annual expenses (house and car insurance left to go), I must take action to ensure I'm not so reliant on every penny I earn.

It always ends up this way. The moment there is a small amount of wiggle room within my budget, I find a way to create the scarcity I am accustomed to living with. I've made do with much less in the past. I always find a way.

Back up plans, cut backs on personal spending and making do. I am grateful for the stay-at-home recommendations throughout this time. It has made budgeting so much easier to attain. 

Last July and August my vacation spending equalled the amount it took me one year to save this year. Then, I went on to spend that amount all over again throughout the remainder of the year. Vacationing is expensive!

I'm on the right track but I must admit COVID restrictions have made all things possible. Finding my way back into the black is a huge incentive to keep going this way. As my son quoted something he read long ago, when one is continually living in debt and fighting to pay it off, the end reward is, "All that hard work and budgeting and all I have, is 'zero' ". 

Zero is good. Ground zero is a very good foundation. Working up to that foundation is not without its challenges, but when you get there the tendency is to try to keep your head above water. 

Staying afloat is a life long endeavor. I am grateful for what I have, how I got here and my ability to maintain the status quo. At least for now. 

How in the world does a person ever retire when living pay cheque to pay cheque has been your reality your entire adult life? I'm sure life will teach me this lesson. 

To be continued ...

A Sign

A sign of what's to come ...

One leaf today ... more coming soon.

Holiday - COVID style

 I invited my aunt to go on a short road trip with me a few days ago. 

Our destination was about an hour and a half out of the city. I assumed there would be a nice little walking path and enough to see to make it worth the trip. Then I made the decision to take the long way home in order to travel on a better highway. 

We left the city about 2:15 p.m.; arrived at our destination at 3:45 p.m.; back on the road home by 4:00; then re-entered the city limits by by 5:30. 

It was a perfect fall day. Crops were ripe and in various stages of harvest. The sky was blue, the weather was ideal and it was a very good day for a drive to no where (which is pretty much what it amounted to, as our final destination was definitely underwhelming). 

Our 3-1/2 hour day trip was enough for both me and my aunt. Both of us were eager to return home and stay home for the duration of the weekend to follow.

We pondered whether it was really worth the drive but I told my aunt "this" was my summer holiday this year. "This is and will be as far as I venture this year. Thank you for joining me!"

I had a déjà vu moment when I uttered the words "This is my holiday ..." Then I remembered. It was my last vacation at Mom's. Initially, I went out of concern for Mom, then stayed on longer than I had anticipated. Mom was worried about me missing work but I told her “this is my holiday” and I treated it as such. 

It was a vacation I will never regret. It was a spur of the moment decision at a time when I knew life as we knew it could change on a dime.

It was the right thing to do. Shortly thereafter, our lives were forever altered. Mom died within the month.

Vacations are a state of mind. The destination matters less than the company you keep and your ability to simply breathe in the moment you are in.

Holiday - COVID style found me on a day trip with my aunt. Something tells me I will never regret this holiday either.

Living on the Edge

Ray is the more timid of our two black cats. When I slept in a king sized bed, he enjoyed his own private corner of real estate where my tossing and turning didn't disturb him and he could sleep peacefully on the bed, without touching another cat or human.

Since I moved upstairs, I sleep on a queen sized bed which allows ample room for Jet (who has grown quite accustomed to my nightly habit of waking up and seeking out his presence with my foot). But Ray rarely joins us. The bed is just too small for the three of us.

Every now and again, Ray graces me with his presence in the morning. In fact one night I woke up, opened my eyes and our eyes met. He was literally face to face with me. Perhaps he is present more than I am aware. 

Ray is a cat who needs his personal space, likes to make the first move and generally walks to the beat of his own heart.

I'm thinking perhaps we should move back downstairs to our king sized bed. There is just no room for Ray here. 

He is living on the edge.

No Guilt Allowed

I have squandered more time off feeling guilty about all I'm not doing, than taking action actually doing something about it. 

Guilt has never done anything positive for me. The only thing it does, is drain me of energy, wear me down, I beat myself up and feel badly about whatever the situation is at hand.

Guilt rarely motivates me. I want to run for cover, turn on the TV to tune out my thoughts. I fill myself with junk food - literally and figuratively. Junk food for the soul (mindless TV) and junk food for my body (chips and pop).

Guilt is a complete and total waste of time for me.

This weekend I am not allowing guilt to rule my thoughts. It is a "No Guilt Allowed" weekend. I will follow where that thought leads, allow myself some guilty pleasures and plan to wake up to a Monday morning without a guilt hangover.

May you fill your day with whatever it is you need the most. No guilt allowed.

Who Knew?

I succumbed to my cravings and bought a bountiful supply of fresh fruit and vegetables a week ago.

A small sampling of salad the week prior tempted my taste buds and I could hear myself utter the words, "This salad is sooo good!" in the same way honesty sometimes oozes out my fingertips before my brain has a chance to censor myself.

My knees weakened at the very idea of adding some fresh and healthy foods to my online grocery cart. I was disheartened to find much of what I had ordered was out of stock. The desire was strong so I actually braved entering a store-with-a-door. 

Donning my COVID face mask and slathering myself with hand sanitizer, I socially distanced myself from the produce and any shoppers in my midst. I came home with a small tray of mixed fruit, a few bags of salad, a cucumber and five tomatoes. 

I had salad for lunch every day. I made a sandwich full of veggies with a minimal amount of ham for supper. Instead of grabbing a cookie (or three) for dessert, I had a small bowl of fruit.

Then the most amazing thing happened.

After eating a balanced meal and feeding my sugar craving with fruit, I didn't have room for cookies. Who knew eating well could result in eating less??

Our body is pretty smart. It tells us what we need the most if we don't buffer its voice with sugar, chips and pop. 

If I keep this up, there is a slim chance I may fit into my pants by winter. But in addition to eating healthier, I may have to start going to bed by 7:30 to curb my evening snack. That snack is my reward for getting through another day. 

I need a new reward. Perhaps I should take up drinking.

We All Need a Little Support Now and Then

The top of my foot is sore.

Isn't that about the strangest symptom you've ever heard? I agree. So many worries in the world and the top of my foot is sore.

My first thought was that I should be wearing supportive footwear. 

This mysterious symptom has been getting progressively worse so I consulted with Dr. Google this morning and confirmed my diagnosis.

I don't have supportive indoor shoes so I wrapped my foot in a tension bandage. It felt like a warm hug. Walking became easier. Support was exactly what I needed.

My foot is a metaphor for life:

When we walk through our days feeling a dull ache which may ebb and flow with the distractions of living but is still at the core of our being, we may simply need a little support. Life becomes easier when you succumb to the need to lean on another person. Support may be exactly what you need.

The amount of support is dependent on the day, your situation and own personal needs. 

Too much of a good thing is not necessarily a good thing. Please excuse me while I adjust the tension on my bandaged foot. I may have cut off the circulation to my toes.