Throwback Thursday

My only thoughts this morning are "there goes another month".

I wistfully wondered where we will be standing a year from now. Who would have predicted our current state of being?

I have since been scrolling through my blog posts from Septembers in the past. This is the one that spoke to me the loudest. 

A little throwback Thursday post from one year ago with no glimmer of what the next year had in store:

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2019

Look How Far You've Come

While scrolling through the internet this morning, I found a few words that spoke to me:

Credit to: Goalcast

I thought I would reflect on the year and went to check my blog history. September, 2018? Nothing. Not a post.

I then went to look up my 2018 calendar to fill in the blanks. I couldn't find it. I searched through my income tax papers where I always keep my calendar. Not a thing.

Okay, memory. Kick in. What were you doing a year ago?

I remembered September started by a trip with my brother to see my uncle in Guelph. I remember going to my sister's the weekend after that.

I remember feeling a lightness of heart starting to take hold but without the crutches of my blog or a calendar to look back on my memories faded to black. It was a scary feeling.

I scrambled to scroll back on some old texts to find a frame of reference. I found a text where I was headed out to Lloydminster with my son. After reading a few of the messages before and after this trip I was grounded with the knowledge that I remembered what was written in between the texts.

Once my feet were back on the ground and I was thinking clearly, I found my old calendar. Right where I expected it to be.

I flipped back to September, 2018. One year plus six days ago, I received the Final Clearance Letter for Mom's estate. A sibling trip was planned and we officially wound up everything pertaining to Mom's estate shortly thereafter.

We are planning another sibling trip this upcoming weekend. I will be headed off to see my uncle soon. Other events are mirroring those of one year ago.

Two years ago, the loss of Mom was fresh and I felt broken. A year ago, I was picking up the pieces and healing. This year seems to be a renewed version of the year past.

Life has moved on. There is a lot of the same old, same old. Just the way I like it. It feels like the good old days seasoned with the present.

How far have I come? I have a home renovation to celebrate. I am fortunate enough to still be employed. We are all in good spirits and our family relationships are healthy. I'm standing in a very similar place to where I was a year ago but the landscape has changed a little. I am grateful. So very grateful to be back where I have been but feeling better about it.

How about you? What has the last year brought into your life? I hope there have been rainbows after the rain, strength when you need it, courage to keep putting one foot in front of another and the company of those you enjoy to walk through your days.

Back to the present again ...

P.S. I am missing our annual sibling trip terribly. COVID-19, you can leave any time. We have learned quite enough from your presence

The Wonderful World of Libraries

It is ironic, since I have Mom's library of books showcased and begging to be read, that this year I have rediscovered the wonderful world within our local library.

I have a very hard time holding onto a thought long enough to read and stay awake at the same time. So I have indulged myself in reading whatever has grabbed my attention in order to try to re-instill the habit of reading. 

Even amid the COVID world, I was able to place holds on books that caught my attention, reserve a time to pick them up, then check them out without breaking the 6 foot social distancing barrier. 

The library offers a vast variety of books, old and new. The ability to read for pleasure, to pursue an interest or to educate yourself on whatever piques your interest is available to all. Absolutely free of charge.

Whenever I check out a book, my library receipt tells me how much I've saved by utilizing the library. I find positive reinforcement at every turn.

I have been watching my pennies very carefully this month. Yet I was still able to treat myself to reading Alex Trebek's new book "The Answer Is", thanks to my friendly neighborhood library.

The library is only one of many offerings that is out there available at no cost. 

• Sitting on your doorstep and breathing in fresh air, sunshine and nature
• A walk to anywhere
• Catching up with a friend
• Writing (I would add letter writing but there is the small cost of a stamp which is still the best value for your dollar in my opinion)
• Sitting still with yourself and allowing yourself to dream
• Going through photo albums, cards, letters or memorabilia you have collected
• Housecleaning (hey, it's free and actually quite satisfying once you get past the hard part of starting)

Look around you. See what you can come up with. Some of the best things in life are free.

Sunday Hangover

I just lived a Sunday of ease. Relaxation, low energy, mindless activities ruled the day. I watched TV, played Word Wipe on the computer and read a book. 

The trouble with reading, is I kept falling asleep. This, I might add, was after going to bed at 7:45 p.m. on Saturday and getting out of bed around 7:30 Sunday morning. Yet every time I sat still with my book, I started nodding off. So I ate to stay awake.

I want to say I ate my weight in food yesterday but that would be an exaggeration. I ate a toasted tuna sandwich; a bag of popcorn; a few mini chocolate bars; I'm certain I nibbled on something else; then made a four course meal for supper (with one more mini Kit Kat bar for dessert). 

I still feel full this morning. Eating without moving will do that to a person.

I considered going outside. But I didn't.

I tried to entertain the idea of accepting an invitation. But I couldn't.

I wanted to push myself to do "one hard thing". So I cooked supper. 

I read a book. And it was good enough. In fact it was more than good. I closed the book and my heart felt full.

Another week is on the horizon. Last week felt hard. I am heading into the new week well rested, well nourished and ready to take the next forward step.

Maybe my "Sunday hangover" is a good thing.

Happy Monday to you. I hope your weekend provided you with what you most needed to take your next step forward.

The Answer Is

I read Alex Trebek's book "The Answer Is". It's an easy read. It touches on so many aspects of his life-so-far. I put it down and told my son, "He's a real stand up guy." 

I related his struggles with those Mom never vocalized and wondered what Mom would have said of his book, his story and where he is today. Somehow, I sense my sentiments are an echo of Mom's voice. She appreciated people of good character. 

I love how Alex wrote of his upbringing, his parents, the in-between years of graduation and the steps along the way to lead him to where he is today. I admire his honesty, his humbleness, his humanitarian spirit and his humanness. I appreciate the stories of contestants he brought into focus and how he models the appreciation he has for the work he does. 

If you are interested and have the opportunity, I highly recommend reading his book. He is donating all profits from his book to charity.

"The Answer Is" the answer to the question "What book I would most like to listen to the audio version?" Not only is Alex Trebek a real stand up guy, he has a voice I could listen to all day.

Social Media Timeout

One week ago, I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix. I hit my saturation point at the 76 minute mark of the 94 minute documentary. It was too much information and hit far too close to home.

I recognized myself and the mindless hours I fritter away on Facebook. Checking in on the activity of "friends", stopping to watch videos of cats, wildlife, heroic rescues, home organizing tips and the list not only goes on and on, it seems to be growing by the day. 

What I have been watching seems to show up more frequently. What I didn't realize is that different news appears on different people's feeds, depending upon what they "like", comment on, click on or even stop and watch without clicking on anything.

The adage that is quoted at the beginning of The Social Dilemma is that if you are not paying for the product, you ARE the product. If we are getting something for free, beware. What we watch is adapted to what we spend our time viewing. "News" we read is slanted towards our bias. It wasn't a surprise that the ads I see are based on what I am searching on my computer but a lot of the other information was bothersome.

There is an addictive quality to social media. Again, I recognized my own curiosity on who may like or comment on something I may post or comment on. I knew I was scrolling social websites out of habit but I really didn't care. Until I watched this documentary.

I have checked Facebook once this past week. I felt empty and used as I scrolled through the page reading the updates since I last checked in. I have had no desire to check in again. Yet.

I was aware of the drawbacks of social media but I countered the fact with the number of old friends I was able to re-connect with, thanks to Facebook. There was definitely a dopamine surge each and every time I connected with and started corresponding with a friend from long ago. The connections I made were definitely a huge draw but the hours I have spent mindlessly scrolling are completely lost to me. 

I often wonder how I used to accomplish more, feel more creative and inspired. Inviting the internet into our home has gradually eaten up more and more and more of my time. Social media has just been the icing on the cake.

Pre-COVID, I instilled "Technology Free Sundays" into my life. It felt good not to be beholden to an internet or cell phone connection. I was starting to feel liberated. Then came COVID. I lost my desire to disconnect because I craved connection at any cost.

Here it is, Sunday morning. Here I am, spending more time on the computer. 

There went another morning down the rabbit hole of internet searches ... I am aware but I do not seem to be learning. There should be a 10 step program for this. 

"Hello. My name is Colleen. And I am an internet-aholic."

On Being Senior

They don't even ask any more ...

"Only her hairdresser knows for sure"

I should not be surprised. 

I Keep Waiting For This Announcement:

Ever since the reality of a global pandemic infiltrated my safe little world, there has been a surreal sensation of "this feels like an experiment of human nature".

• How do humans react when faced with scarcity?
• How do humans respond to isolation? fear? the unknown?
• How does a global condition unite and divide humankind?
• How does an unknown timeline affect this condition?
• How will world leaders react?
• With global uncertainty at the core of all news, how will people manage the layers of other world events on top of this uncertainty?
• When all of the above becomes "the norm", how will humans manage on a day-to-day basis?
• Will the human condition change after the crisis is over?

As I tentatively move from one day to the next and seven months later, we are still navigating the unknown on a day to day basis, I keep waiting for this announcement:

Emergency Broadcast System Test (1983)

"This concludes the test of the Emergency Broadcast System" 

Wouldn't it be nice?