These are the words that spoke to me today:
"Take time to do what makes your soul happy"
I woke up this morning feeling completely tapped out and exhausted. I have been trying to follow my joy, keep whatever "sparks joy" in my life and as a result I have been feeling joyful most of the first five days of the new year.
Can I admit that joy exhausts me? At least the process of creating it within my world?
I decided to honor my exhaustion. Instead of cloaking myself in guilt and listening to that nagging voice within my subconscious mind rattle off all the things I SHOULD be doing, I stopped in my tracks. I would not waste energy on guilt. I prefer to utilize the word "honor".
I'm tired.
Who wouldn't be? Okay, don't answer that. A lot of people wouldn't be. Even I wouldn't have been ten years ago.
Life can feel exhausting. I knew it would be tough jumping back onto the band wagon and getting back to work after my holiday. Even within my already condensed first week back to work, I condensed it even further. This action sparked "guilt". Not a good thing. I will do better.
What has happened is behind us. It can't be undone. It can be improved upon. One can learn from the past. I can find every excuse in the book to explain why I feel the way I feel. But the past is a done deal. I will honor that too. And move forward.
This process fits with who I am. I feel riddled with guilt and I'm overwhelmed at the mountain of "stuff" that has amassed within our home. I am stuck in a state of limbo because much of what has accumulated once belonged to Mom.
Marie Kondo says to hold each item individually and keep only that which sparks joy. Gratitude is key. She suggests thanking each item as you let go. I found myself inhaling the life each piece of clothing brought into my world. It was life affirming. There is little that I own that doesn't have a story, a sentimental pull or a useful purpose. It felt entirely natural to thank each item as I let it go. "Thank you!" are two words I utter aloud to myself on a regular basis. I didn't need Marie Kondo to guide me to do this.
I let go of one full hamper of clothes yesterday. It was good. Today? I must take a step back and inhale before I take another step forward.
Yesterday was a perfect day of everything that mattered.
I accomplished one hard thing. I carved out time to do what fuels me. I had a one-on-one visit with each one of my boys. I fed my family. I honored what was important to me. Then I slept (and slept some more).
I no longer feel exhausted. The act of sitting still and honoring the day behind me and allowing myself to take time to do what makes my soul happy is giving me the fuel I need to do one (or more?) more hard thing(s) today. Then I will rest.
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