Serenity

Serene is not a word I would use to describe myself lately. Yet when I sit and ponder the world swirling about me, I think I'll give myself a little more credit.

There are a number of situations where I feel I have no control. My decision is to keep doing what I am doing until I can do it no more. It is my decision. I have a choice.

I could quit, walk away, be angry and deal with the repercussions from my actions. I could confront, offer options, suggestions and start a conversation. I could feel spiteful, stew in my own turmoil and let things simmer up until they boil. Or I could be still, listen to my thoughts, feel what I'm feeling and act on those thoughts later.

I am pretty good at compartmentalizing this little life of mine. I can physically close the door of my office at home. All of my work is contained within that enclosed space. I close the door in a physical sense and I feel myself walk away mentally. Normally, I don't carry the weight of my work load outside the door. Other factors may seep out from under the door and leak out into my ability to cope. But the workload itself? Pretty well contained.

The physical door of my office is a good metaphor for the mental doors I have erected. I can be in the moment, feel compassion, care deeply and wonder if I have anything of value to offer when I am in the presence of someone who is going through something hard. Yet when I hang up the telephone or the communication ends, my residual thoughts go toward "Is there anything I can do?" In most cases, there is little action  anyone can do to ease someone else's load. Personally, I know the value of having someone listen, give me the ability to hear my own thoughts outside my head and that alone helps lighten my load. 

I listen, I care, then I let it go. I don't take ownership of someone else's troubles. If I kept the weight of everyone's woes on my shoulders I would be immobile and of no use to be there the next time. 

The Serenity Prayer was my guiding light during a dark time in my life and I believe its message has been engrained into my subconscious mind:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference"

Serenity. Courage. Wisdom. 

If you are in a situation where you cannot change something, I hope there is a glimmer of serenity you can hold onto. At least for now. 

Be still, listen to your thoughts, feel what you are feeling and act on those thoughts when you can.