Happy Friday

Another week has sped by and the weekend is nigh. 

Each week goes by faster than the week preceding it. 

This warp speed of life as I know it 

has me fast forwarding to the lazy hazy sunny days of spring, summer and fall.

I have very little to say 

Except I feel like I must have done something right

with the week I have had at my disposal.

Because life feels so much lighter than it did at the dawn of this new week.

I purged my morning thoughts onto paper

which resulted in a clarity of thought that made a difference.

I made time for "me"

and planned an outing that required no concern but the moment I was in.

The days are longer

Spring is coming

Happy Friday to You!!

You Do Get What You Need

Two down, two to go. The day I stop counting down days until the weekend will be the day I know I have arrived to the elusive destination which feels far beyond my reach.

I realize when one dream is realized it often means the end of the line for another piece of life which has sustained a person until the next plateau.

To reach the point where weekends are not my life line and do not define me, will I be searching for purpose? Companionship? Financial security? What sacrifices will be made to get from "here" to "there"?

What will I lose along the way? What can I do to create the next place I am headed?

My answers lie in gratitude and connection.

I will appreciate what I have while I have it. Life as I know it is not ideal but it is manageable. I believe I must fill myself up with generous doses of sleep, solitude, fulfillment, family, friends and activity to offset the challenging aspects of my days. Balance is key. I cannot exist on work or leisure alone. It is simply that at this stage of living, I do not want my work to define me.

When I am dead and gone, I don't want people to say "She sure was a good worker". I hope instead, they will say some version of "She lived a good life" ... "She was a good friend" ... "She did her best and her best was enough" ... "I am grateful our paths crossed" ...

I am grateful for what I have. I know things could change in a New York minute. I look around me, listen to the people I know and I know I am living a charmed life.

Getting up is hard. But I CAN get up. I jump out of bed and head towards a day which is predictable, safe and provides me with exactly what I need. As I believe my sister was quoted as saying, "You don't always get what you want ... but you do get what you need."

Energizing

After waking up to a weariness which made me feel powerless, I have taken steps to empower myself.

#1 - I made a date with myself last night. I bought tickets to a movie I wanted to see before I stepped out the door yesterday morning. Had I not done so, I wouldn't have followed through. I'm so glad I did.

Staying out two hours beyond my normal home time depletes me. Staying out in order to do something that in no way resembled an errand and felt fun and frivolous was a completely different sensation.

I chose the movie, didn't concern myself with anyone else's enjoyment except for my own, I indulged in a snack and I laughed out loud. Sitting in a theatre on my own, I laughed out loud. 

Laughter defines success. My first "Artist's Date" (as per Julia Cameron's suggestion) was a win.

#2 - I wrote my morning pages this morning. It was hard. My coffee was ready and I so dearly wanted to watch for our neighborhood rabbits. But I woke up with words that needed to be silenced. So I grabbed my pen, wrote whatever my heart dictated, tried to imagine what I would wish for should a fairy godmother grant me one wish ... and I didn't know. 

I wrote in and around and through my thoughts. "What do you want? What is the answer?" rolled around and around and around the page. I don't know. But it felt good to purge my thoughts. Putting pen to paper is usually the beginning to finding an answer. I began.

#3 - I colored my hair. Vanity swoops in for the win. My roots were getting to me. Coloring my hair was ONE thing I could control. So I did it. No regrets.

#4 - After I was well on my way to completing all of my hard things this morning, I gazed out the window and spotted two frisky rabbits taking their last run in the safety of the day that was dawning. I believe they were frantically looking for a good hiding spot for the day. These energized rabbits brought joy to the moment and felt like my reward for doing what had to be done.

My weariness is originating from feeling powerless. It felt good to take control of doing what I needed to do to bring myself back up to a place where I have something to offer.

Filling myself up + doing what is within my control + spotting rabbits = a boost of energy to get me through the day. Now the secret is to do this all over again tomorrow.

What fills you up and energizes you? Look for it and it may come ... create your own Field of Dreams.

Weary

There is a weariness I feel that has nothing to do with physical exhaustion. I feel completely and totally spent.

A good night's sleep doesn't cure me. Nor does a regularly scheduled weekend. But thankfully I do get enough of both of these to allow me to keep putting one foot in front of the other and making it to through the days and the weeks.

The antidote to my weariness is finding lightness of heart wherever the opportunity presents itself.

• Spotting a rabbit
• Spending time with family
• Losing myself in a mindless piece of fiction
• Laughter 
• Quiet ... just plain quiet
• Turning off all the connections to the world

I know a good long walk would cure much of what ails me. Walking conditions are not ideal right now but this too shall pass. Spending time appreciating nature and its ever changing landscape feels like oxygen for my soul.

Being outside, even if it is as simple as sitting in my own back yard calms me. Sitting in a sunbeam in the late stages of winter and the early phases of spring is one of my most favorite things.

As I came upon the realization of all that is within my reach but feels so unattainable at times, I couldn't help but think of my days of daycaring. 

• I took my little daycare family outside at every opportunity
• We walked everywhere and played "I Spy" as we made our way through the residential streets
• We discovered an "Enchanted Forest" where the kids could run through the paths and just be kids
• We marveled at the signs of spring, spotting the first robin, watching an industrious ant carry something ten times its weight, collecting lady bugs and setting them free
• Savoring the moments sitting in a sunbeam in the winter and early spring
• We collected rocks, leaves and any mystical treasures we found along the way
• Finding wonder by looking at life through the eyes of a child was one of the best gifts I received throughout my years of caring for children
• Watching over and listening to contented children at play felt quite literally like heaven right here on earth

I was spent at the end of my daycare days but it was a more well rounded kind of exhaustion. The physical output added with a generous dose of outdoors was offset with "quiet time". Despite the chaos at times, there was a sense of balance to those days.

My present day life is far too sedentary. The need to be "on" all day, every day exhausts me. I know I am exactly where I am meant to be right now and life as I know it could change in a heartbeat. But for the first time in a very long time, I feel I may be the one who cracks under the pressure.

Julia Cameron prescribes daily writing to purge one's early morning thoughts + solitary walks + a date with yourself, for yourself. Julia has recommended exactly what I didn't know I needed and I have been resisting her advise. 

Today is the day. I will make an Artist's Date for myself, by myself. I will fill my soul so my soul has more to give to tomorrow.

I will get up tomorrow morning and write three pages of long hand. I will purge any negativity before the day begins and subconsciously come up with an action plan. Walking? I will find a way. I will.

What can you do to initiate a plan to rejuvenate your weary soul? Little things. It is all in the little things. Try to come up with one small sustainable action you can institute into your routine. 

This is easier said than done. I know. Just try ... and if it doesn't happen today, try again another day. Just don't give up.

Getting Physical

I recently became aware of yet one more perk of aging. Perhaps the disclaimer here is "aging healthfully" and keeping on top of all medical screenings. My last full physical appointment did not require me to take off as much as my shoes (after I was weighed and measured). I sat fully clothed, and my doctor and I had a conversation in lieu of a hands-on physical check up.

Our conversation was less about the weather and more about encouraging me to exercise as a preventative measure to all that can go awry as one ages. I have been "highly encouraged" to work cardio and strength training into my sedentary lifestyle.

Since there is a history of heart disease in my family, exercise is highly recommended even though my cholesterol levels are within the range which is considered normal.

The day after my appointment I received a call from my doctor. That is never good news. I assumed my cholesterol level had increased from last year and I was prepared to hear her recommendation based on this new finding. I was wrong (I have been wrong an awful lot lately but that is a topic for another day). With no modifications to my lifestyle in the past year, my cholesterol level had actually decreased. But the exercise recommendations remained in place.

It sounds so easy when one is sitting and talking about it. Yes, I should exercise. I will feel better, I will think better and my pants may not feel so tight if I retain the habit. I should do this! But almost three weeks later, I haven't done a thing.

How hard would it be to go for a walk every morning? If the weather and sidewalk conditions are not conducive to safe and dry walking, why don't I just run up and down the stairs and increase the number of times each day? What is so hard about finding a yoga or strength training video on YouTube and adding that to my morning routine? I should register for a Zumba class!

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. But didn't.

I DID look into Zumba classes that would fit into my evening schedule. Easier said than done. And who wants to get home at 9 p.m. all sweaty and in need of a shower?

I DID contemplate substituting my morning rabbit watching time from indoors, to seeking out rabbits as I walk through the neighborhoods surrounding us.

I DID go for one walk.

I DID think about it ... but I have DONE nothing.

If I want to continue down the road I'm on, enjoying a life where I wake up and take my health for granted, it would be wise to follow my doctor's advise and get moving. Mornings are not long enough for all the things I want to do. I simply have to convince myself I want to get outside and get moving. Walking is the best way to enjoy nature at its finest. I simply enjoy watching it from our living room window with a fresh cup of coffee in hand.

Let's get physical! If I write it out loud, will that inspire me to make a change? The decision is mine to make.

Verbal Hangovers

"Listen more often than you speak" 

~ Howard Baker

Somewhere in the recent past, I came upon a nugget of wisdom I thought I could hold onto. I cannot find the exact quote but to paraphrase what I remember, it said something to the effect that we can be interesting or interested. Interesting is not a word I would use to describe myself but I would like to be the kind of person who is known as being interested.

I woke up with a verbal hangover this morning. The words "listen more than you speak" are ringing through my ears.

It is definitely a time to focus on being interested. I have so much to learn from those around me. 

Hide and Seek

I slept in past the prime Rabbit Watching Hour the other day but gazed out our living room window ever hopeful I would spot at least one rabbit before they went into hiding for the day.

I have been rewarded by spotting one speedy little rabbit who often comes into view when all other rabbits are hiding out. This particular morning, my regularly scheduled rabbit hopped in and out of sight as I hoped. But I settled in and kept watching.

Sure enough, just as the sun was dawning a new day, out came one lone rabbit. This rabbit's body language was one of panic. It reminded me of kids playing hide and seek, when last hider is forlorn as all the good spots are taken and they need to hide before the seeker stops counting.

The rabbit hopped into our neighbor's yard which must be an oasis to rabbits hoping to find a quiet place to watch the day go by. The yard is open to wandering rabbits and has lots of cover to hide under.

The last little rabbit hopped out of sight and went into hiding for the day. I must wait until the cloak of darkness until I rabbit gaze and seek them out.

I'm loving the game of Rabbit Hide and Seek.