Best Vacation Ever

I woke up in paradise today. I don't know how they get any work done around here. I find myself simply wandering around and gazing out the windows ...

From the birds who were flitting about in the tree outside the bedroom window ... to the dogs who were resting on the deck ... to the cats who seemed to be the first to sense movement within the house (thus, "breakfast time"!) ... to the simplicity of the blue sky, water and nature all around.

This is the most peaceful I can remember feeling.

Not only does this feel like a piece of heaven right here on earth, but there is something rather serene about knowing there is nothing expected of me other than feeding the pets and ensuring they have water. Their mere presence is payback and then some.

I feel "Mom" so strongly within me right now ...

Mom would love it here. My son has put his blood, sweat and tears into this property and has created a home. This land spoke to him from the time he acquired it, looked onto the horizon and started dreaming of all it could be.

Nothing has come easy. My son cleared and cleaned up the land one step at a time. Clearing the debris and excess; building the white fence that marks this place with his own unique signature; shingling the buildings; excavating his basement; and literally starting from the bottom, up ... he has created "this".

Mom enjoyed the process while my son documented the work involved every step of the way. She came to visit her last trip home. She got to enjoy the process of the evolution and see how far it had come. And it has come so much further.

Two years. Mom has been gone for two years (less a few days). I think of our last visit here and where things were at, at the time. The building blocks were all in place. Step by step, bit by bit, this place has become so much more than it has been.

My son had a calling to call this place "home". I can feel it in every sense of the word. This is THE most home-away-from-home place I have ever been in my life. I feel grounded. I feel safe. I feel enveloped in all things familiar to me. I sense the piece of Dad within my son that helped build this. I feel Mom's appreciation of all that has become.

This is literally the best vacation. Ever.

Could I Please Have Two More Hours?

Remember the bonus two hours I wrote about in my previous post? I guess I must have needed them because I am still falling behind by two hours or so.

Two unexpected errands on my way home wiped out my memory of the two errands I had planned to run. Whoops.

I may (or may not have) remembered except for the fact that I came home and the lawn still needed to be mowed.

It was 8:30 p.m. and I finally walked in the door.

Instead of doing all the things I had planned to do, I climbed into my pajamas and snuggled up in front of the TV. The end.

I thought waking up at 4:00 this morning would give me the bonus hour I needed. I was wrong.

It has been twelve hours since yesterday wound down to a close. I could sure use a few more hours before this day kicks into gear.

Two bonus hours would be very nice right about now. Serves me right. I shouldn't have frittered away last night. No one to blame but myself.

I'm just glad it's Friday.

Happy Long Weekend to All!! May you enjoy your bonus day!!!

Two Hours

I got off work two hours early yesterday and it felt like I gained a day.

I not only had time to run an errand on my way home but I was home in time for supper. Energized by being home so early, I did a load of laundry, vacuumed the basement, cooked up some chicken and tended "cat chores" to make this morning run a little smoother.

It was so easy to hop out of bed this morning without "all of the above" looming over my head and beckoning to be done before I left for work today.

It feels good to wake up to a clean slate. This morning was all about list-making and getting everything that needs to be done before the weekend, done.

There are so many loose ends to tie up. At home and at work. It was a very good day to have two extra hours at my disposal.

For me, ambition often results in more ambition.

What did I do with all the nooks and crannies this morning? I cleaned our square kitchen sink [side note: if you use your kitchen for more ornamental and serviceable purposes, I don't know if you may want one for regular kitchen usage]; I cleaned the crevices of our printer; I sorted/organized our freezer foods a little; I washed another load of laundry; and basically started crossing a few things off my list of tomorrow's things-to-do list.

It seems to matter not, what time I try to create for myself in the morning, I can fritter it away like nobody's business [hmmm ... if it's nobody's business, why am I writing about it?].

I love my mornings. This morning was especially enjoyable due to the two bonus hours I had at my disposal yesterday.

How can we create those "bonus hours" for ourselves? Perhaps that is why some stay up late at night and others get up earlier in the morning. Maybe that is why we sleep in, run late and rush to do too many things in too short of a time period.

If we don't intentionally create the time we need, we make do in other ways.

For me, getting up early is where it's at. But the gift of two unexpected hours off of work is a gift like no other. I'm glad I didn't waste it.

A Fan

Jet has become one of my biggest fans. This cat is so smart, I think he can read ...

Either that or he likes the attention he receives by hanging out so close to a spot where my hands are readily available to pet him. Or because the computer emits some heat. Or perhaps he is just watching the cursor on the screen move about.

But I like to think he is one of my biggest fans. I'll stick with that.

I Like Wednesdays

My morning thoughts this mid-week morning were so much lighter than the days that proceeded it. I like the "lightness" Wednesday brings into my life.

Don't get me wrong. Wednesday is not my favorite day of the week. I simply like it. Any weekday I can actually "like" is a good one.

Wednesday marks the half way point to everything I count as important. My work week is cut in half. The days I have to accomplish what I'd like to accomplish before the weekend are coming to an end.

Deadlines energize me. Wednesday is all about what needs to be done within the next few days. As much as I fight this, I know I need cut off dates looming otherwise I can drift through the days without purpose.

First days deplete me. The first of "anything" feels overwhelming and I'd run for cover if I could. From Mondays to starting a task that overwhelms me.

Sometimes waking up to a weekday is enough to make me want to hide under the covers all day. But the moment my feet hit the floor and I start taking one step in the direction I need to go, the feeling starts to subside. A bit. When I get myself knee deep into the morning/the day/a task (that part where there is no going back, you can only go forward), is when I feel the energized me start to conquer the overwhelmed and defeated parts of myself.

"You have started. You did the hardest part. All you have to do is keep taking one step in a forward direction and you will be further ahead than where you were. Just get past the hardest part ... the beginning."

These are the words I feel within me when I'm in the middle. This can overwhelm me and stop me in my tracks but even if it does, I have the knowledge that I'm further ahead than I was when I began. Starting from the middle or anywhere further along than the beginning is a little bit easier. Sometimes. Not always. But enough of the time that I know getting past the beginning is the biggest hurdle for me.

That is where "Wednesday" comes into play. I'm past the beginning of everything. The end goal is in sight. Whether it is a project at work I must complete before the weekend or a welcome diversion from the tedium of the week or simply "Saturday".

Wednesday is the point in the week where I am in the middle of the hard stuff and half way through to my reward.

What will I do when I don't have work to give my weeks definition? Will I have the stamina to create my own deadlines and reestablish a routine where I don't simply sit back and watch life go by?

I believe that is why I am craving a holiday without defined plans. I want to know who I am when I am no one to anyone. Just me.

I was very much looking forward to taking a week off with nothing more on my agenda than being still. Though I do not define myself as being busy, I do have a rather "committed" life. The week is not my own. I give that away to others (the reward to that is that I do get paid for my sacrifice so I guess that is a small price to pay). But my weekends? I love them free and clear and easy.

Life has been far too committed lately. I am so looking forward to the quiet. I am half way there. I am half way to nowhere and everywhere at the same time. The heaviness of "the beginning" is lighter. I see light at the end of my week.

I remember Mom commenting (seemingly out of the blue, but it was deep in the consciousness of her thoughts), "I like Tuesdays. [pause] I like Wednesdays too, but I like Tuesday." I'm pretty sure I have remembered this right because I remember asking if it was because Tuesday used to be her bowling day. She pondered the idea and thought maybe ... but she just really liked Tuesdays. I think she followed that up by saying Sunday was her least favorite day of the week.

Mom never worked outside the home but she worked hard within her home. She went to sleep at night, mapping out the next days agenda. I'm guessing this was a habit instilled early in her life but she held onto it throughout the duration. It is a good habit to have.

I feel my agenda is defined by other's needs right now. It is to a point, but my destiny is in my own hands. It is what I do with the hours before and after my regularly scheduled day that defines me.

I am without definition at times. I am wandering. I know where I am at is not going to last forever. Life as I know it could change in a heartbeat for any number of reasons. Yet here I am, 59 years into living this life of mine, and I'm still living for the weekend.

It's Wednesday today. I'm halfway into and through the week at hand. I like Wednesdays.

What is your "favorite day"? May you find something you like about each day of the week but for reasons that are yours and yours alone ... what is your favorite?

Morning Pages

Julia Cameron will be speaking at a writing workshop I will be attending. My friend once mentioned the "morning pages" Julia perscribes as part of the journey to finding your way, so I skimmed through the pages of my new book by Julia until I found the chapter on morning pages.

Julia suggests writing your morning thoughts on three, 8-1/2 by 11" pages of long hand writing. What you write doesn't matter. It is simply a matter of purging your thoughts in long hand. Every morning.

I read this chapter yesterday morning and decided to write three pages then and there. They were not my early morning thoughts but they were still morning thoughts. I thought the best way to start a habit is "now". So that is what I did.

Last night, I sat my journal with my favorite new pen slid into the coils beside my bed so I could simply wake up and write.

I forgot I was going to do this until my waking thoughts started sounding like to-do-lists and I thought "Hey! I should write this down!!" So I did.

I'm not sure if I like how I sound in the morning. It has only been one true morning of writing the thoughts I think upon waking so I am curious to see how this journey goes.

Three pages of long hand writing is time consuming. I woke up some time after 5 a.m. and I didn't finish my morning writing assignment until 5:46. It is now 7:30 and I could use just a little more sleep before I plunge into the day ahead of me.

After two days of writing I have already noticed something. When my thoughts are centred in the past or the future, I feel ill at ease. It is when I am living in the moment I am in when I feel content.

Then again, there is nothing quite like focusing on the moment you are in when your hand starts cramping after writing three pages without the aid of a keyboard.

Life is full of lessons. Perhaps the lesson I am learning is focusing on the moment I'm in. Letting go of regret and worry is key to a healthy state of mind. This is why gratitude is crucial to this illusive thing called "happiness". The state of being grateful aligns the past, present and future into thoughts that are more cohesive and focused in the moment.

I think I need to gaze out the window and watch nature for a while. That exercise brings me back into the moment in a way I enjoy the most.

This is far too deep for early morning thoughts. I need to leave those on my three pages of long hand and leave the light and frivolous for "here".

So Glad to Be Home

Today is "my day". The calendar is empty. No outbound emails, calls or reservations need to be made. No appointments (inbound or outbound). I believe the world around me is at peace and no one needs a piece of me.

It was a very committed weekend. It was all good and I enjoyed everything I did, everyone I spent time with and even an unexpected visit with an aunt and uncle I wouldn't have had if I had stayed home.

It was good.

But I just want to wrap myself up into a little cocoon and hang out on the couch today. I have seven hours to do with as I please.

I am socially spent. I just need a little alone time. Seven hours ought to do it.

What do you need today? I hope you can grab a big enough piece of whatever it  is that sustains you (yes, chocolate counts!).

It feels like a "third cup of coffee" kind of day. Happy Monday!

... four more days to go ...