For every high, there is a low. For every burst of energy, there is a need to recoup, refresh, rest and restart. I am presently "restarting".
When I sat still yesterday, a wave of exhaustion overtook me. I overpowered that sensation and forced myself up off the couch and I headed to the kitchen to "cook" (does frying up hamburger and adding a package of seasoning = cooking?).
The reward of this act of motion in the kitchen was "taco salad". I took my plate and sat myself back down where I had previously wanted to do nothing more than sleep. Instead of sleeping, I ate.
Big mistake.
My son was actually quite pleased to find the aroma and offering of food in the middle of the afternoon. Normally, I would think eating at 3 p.m. would give me permission to skip cooking supper. Except I had already peeled potatoes so I offered to cook a late supper (second mistake?).
My son has just returned from an "all expenses paid" workshop where three meals a day were provided as part of the package. As a result of this, he has returned home with a healthy appetite. Christmas Day, he turned down the last piece of bacon at breakfast because he wanted to be sure he would be hungry for Christmas dinner. One piece of bacon? Who in the world doesn't have room for one piece of bacon? I believe even Mom (the smallest eater I have ever known) would have leapt at the offer.
Not only did I provide a mid afternoon meal, I went through the motions of cooking a late supper meal as well.
All this time in the kitchen was a great excuse to NOT cross any other item off my mental to-do-list. Plus I was tired. Physically and mentally. I was tired of thinking, planning and doing. I just wanted to rest. Except I felt guilty for resting, so I ATE to stay awake (and I wonder why my new pj bottoms don't fit so well?!).
Fast forward to this morning.
I woke up to a brand new work week. My heart sunk to the bottom of my mattress and made it so hard to put my feet on the floor. I want another Sunday. Sigh...
Then, I flipped open my "Living Juicy" ("daily morsels for your creative soul") book. Week #1 for the new year focused on procrastination. I read the first week's worth of morsels. Closed the book. Then worked at pushing myself out of procrastination mode. This exhausted me. So why should I be surprised that the second week's focus is "napping"?
I wish I would have picked up this book yesterday. I would have fully honored my exhaustion, closed my eyes and rested. Instead I have an achy stomach hangover from eating too much. My son needed the nourishment. Me? Not so much. Nourishment? Maybe. It was all the snacking I squeezed in between the meals that hurt me.
I am not a big fan of the word "napping" but I do believe in its restorative qualities. I am not certain where I could work this time of restoration into my current day work week but as I type the words, I am hearing my answer.
I eat to stay awake. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to add those two facts together and figure out I should honor that exhaustion and rest instead of eat. I get home by 7:30 at night. If I didn't snack, I would be in bed by 8:00. What if I didn't eat, but allowed myself time to close my eyes, relax, restore and plan to get up in an hour. Then, accomplish "one hard thing" before I went to bed at night? What if????
My procrastination excuses are primarily based on a lack of time and energy. What if I created that time by feeding my body "sleep" when it was tired instead of food? What if??
My excuse is that by the time I get home at the end of a long day, my mental fatigue is high. My body is well rested and I am more tired of sitting idle than physically tired. Instead of using my mental exhaustion as an excuse to eat and Netflix my night away, I should find a way to "honor" that without medicating myself with food and sleep.
I have sleepwalked (what IS the past tense of sleep walk?!?) through most of the entire past year by using food, sleep, Netflix and surfing the Internet to dull my thoughts and put my head in a neutral zone so I could keep placing one foot in front of the other.
Food and sleep are my reward for "doing hard things" and making it through a day. I must admit I am as addicted to the reward as I am to the excuse for creating the reward to begin with.
Admitting I have a problem is the first step. I am addicted to my "numbing" activities. I am exhausted.
Rule #1 - rest when you are tired
Rule #2 - eat when you are hungry
Rule #3 - admit I am a "recovering procrastinator"
Rule #4 - do ONE hard thing each day
Rule #5 - gradually increase the number of "hard things"
Yesterday? I cooked. Today? I shall work on one project for one hour AND I will do one more hard thing. Does leaving the house count?
I need to reinstate the goal to do "Six Impossible Things Before Lunch". Changing "lunch" to 8 a.m is my obstacle. Perhaps I need to revise that to "One Impossible Thing (before I go to work)" and "A Second Impossible Thing" (after I come home).
Baby steps. One step at a time. I have SO many vices to overcome and I truly believe the weight of the excess within our home is at the bottom of a lot of what I am battling. Thus, I am starting there.
Yesterday's obstacle? The second category of Marie Kondra's steps to tidying up is: Books. I sat still with my perfectionist mindset yesterday trying to orchestrate a method where I CAN put all of the books together in one room of our home. My obstacle? I want to build these books a home for them to live, which is THE complication which has stopped me in my tracks this entire past year.
I know I should renumber the sequence Marie Kondra suggests. But I also know the power of taking that impossible "first step". I know the energy which will be released the moment I start taking action.
I need a nap ...
Monday, January 7, 2019
Sunday, January 6, 2019
Honoring the Day - a lesson on gratitude
These are the words that spoke to me today:
"Take time to do what makes your soul happy"
I woke up this morning feeling completely tapped out and exhausted. I have been trying to follow my joy, keep whatever "sparks joy" in my life and as a result I have been feeling joyful most of the first five days of the new year.
Can I admit that joy exhausts me? At least the process of creating it within my world?
I decided to honor my exhaustion. Instead of cloaking myself in guilt and listening to that nagging voice within my subconscious mind rattle off all the things I SHOULD be doing, I stopped in my tracks. I would not waste energy on guilt. I prefer to utilize the word "honor".
I'm tired.
Who wouldn't be? Okay, don't answer that. A lot of people wouldn't be. Even I wouldn't have been ten years ago.
Life can feel exhausting. I knew it would be tough jumping back onto the band wagon and getting back to work after my holiday. Even within my already condensed first week back to work, I condensed it even further. This action sparked "guilt". Not a good thing. I will do better.
What has happened is behind us. It can't be undone. It can be improved upon. One can learn from the past. I can find every excuse in the book to explain why I feel the way I feel. But the past is a done deal. I will honor that too. And move forward.
This process fits with who I am. I feel riddled with guilt and I'm overwhelmed at the mountain of "stuff" that has amassed within our home. I am stuck in a state of limbo because much of what has accumulated once belonged to Mom.
Marie Kondo says to hold each item individually and keep only that which sparks joy. Gratitude is key. She suggests thanking each item as you let go. I found myself inhaling the life each piece of clothing brought into my world. It was life affirming. There is little that I own that doesn't have a story, a sentimental pull or a useful purpose. It felt entirely natural to thank each item as I let it go. "Thank you!" are two words I utter aloud to myself on a regular basis. I didn't need Marie Kondo to guide me to do this.
I let go of one full hamper of clothes yesterday. It was good. Today? I must take a step back and inhale before I take another step forward.
Yesterday was a perfect day of everything that mattered.
I accomplished one hard thing. I carved out time to do what fuels me. I had a one-on-one visit with each one of my boys. I fed my family. I honored what was important to me. Then I slept (and slept some more).
I no longer feel exhausted. The act of sitting still and honoring the day behind me and allowing myself to take time to do what makes my soul happy is giving me the fuel I need to do one (or more?) more hard thing(s) today. Then I will rest.
Saturday, January 5, 2019
The Present
"There aren't enough hours in the day ..." It has been a very, very long time since I started a thought with those words. It feels rather amazing to start a day feeling this way.
I woke up this weekend knowing I was going to amass absolutely EVERY item of clothing, footwear, coat and sweater onto my bed this morning. No matter what. I wanted to do this. I WOULD do this. And I did:
That is it. The ONLY things that are missing are the shoes I wear every day & a spare pair of running shoes, a sweater and winter coat I keep in my car. That is absolutely every item of clothing I own.
Unfortunately this pile is still sitting there awaiting action. I actually can't wait to get back to it...
What started happening as I loaded my clothes onto my bed, was a desire to put "like things together" as I started emptying my clothes rack. I cannot get off task, but I did hang all of the bags I have amassed over time together on one hook in a closet. They will be there for the day I move onto "bags and other miscellaneous items".
The important thing is that I have begun. And I WILL complete this category of "keeping only that which sparks joy". Today. I will. I must (unless I want to find another place to sleep tonight).
Secondly, my boys are (or on their way) back home. My youngest returned from his first solo, one week vacation safe and sound last night. My oldest is due to fly in from his 5+ week holiday this afternoon. My middle son is coming into the city. We will gather here today and have a post holiday family gathering.
I am looking forward to this afternoon. I have told my family I will "provide food". I am very careful how I word these invitations because what I do, I do not classify as "cooking".
We will eat, drink and be a family. It will be good.
I spent this morning projecting my thoughts into the future. Thoughts of retiring in some distant year got me digging through my financial world. Once I dive into the land of financial planning, forecasting and predicting I get lost.
I dug my way out to join the present day. All I know for sure is: I must save. I will save for now, without looking too far off into the future.
The future is not ours to see. Que sera, sera...
Today is where it is at. "The present". And today? It does actually feel like a gift. I love this feeling. This day doesn't feel like it will be long enough to hold all it has in store.
Now I must go find what "sparks joy" for me within my clothing mountain. I'm eager to begin. It feels good to be back!
P.S. I've had a few rabbit spottings this week. And even when I haven't witnessed the rabbit's presence, they have left clues for me to find.
I love getting a light dusting of snow. It makes my heart feel good to find these tracks in our yard. These ones even went up onto our door step. There may be cat tracks as well but I'm pretty sure the ones to the right are from a rabbit. We are not alone ...
Friday, January 4, 2019
Sparking Joy
My head is all over the map this First Friday in this Fresh New Month.
I brought work home with me so I can put in the first few hours of work at home this morning which feels empowering. I have set a start time in my head which I must adhere to in order to make this work. If it works today, perhaps I can make it work another day in the future.
Blurring the line between "work" and "home" is defined by working within my designated work time and mental space. I CAN bring work home and accomplish it if it doesn't interfere with my designated "me time".
Combining work and home feels empowering. Feeling empowered sparks joy.
My Youngest Son is headed home today. He has been gone exactly one week (almost to the hour, as I write this). He has had a most excellent time at the workshop he has attended and I can't wait to hear all about it.
Unfortunately, I will still be at work when he arrives. He has invited friends over tonight so by the time I get home, he will be busy. I will hear the watered down version of his week tomorrow. But just recalling how I can reignite the joy I felt during various recent vacations, I still feel like I will hear the best version as he relives the highlight reel.
My Youngest has lived a very sheltered life. At the ripe old age of 20 years old, he hasn't experienced "life" outside the confines of our bubble wrapped little world here at home very much. I am so glad he got away and experienced how it feels to live a week away from the definition of who he is at home.
I remember how I felt when I stepped away from Mom's ideals and started thinking for myself. By myself. It is a giddy feeling. To think your own thoughts, live your own life, define who you are outside the confines of "home".
My last little bird is taking his first steps outside of our nest. His wings seem to be worthy of taking flight. He sounds happy. He sounds joyful. This sparks "joy" within me.
I sat on my glasses several days ago and bent them in a manner which made me feel rather woozy when I tried wearing them the next day. Long story short, I need new glasses. The kind person who very carefully straightened my present day glasses so I could wear them without feeling nauseous, was the same person who helped me choose my next pair of specs.
It was a small thing but it was huge. A conversation which began by admitting "I hate mirrors" ended up in a merging of kindred thoughts, sparked a conversation about my dancing days (and all the mirrors) and as I walked away from that encounter and into my day, her parting words were of the essence "I'm so glad I got to start off my day with this conversation" (those were not her words at all but it was definitely the essence of what she said).
I drove off to work with thoughts of this conversation and my dancing days wafting through my thoughts. As I parked the car, the theme song of the dance competition I participated in started playing through the radio waves. "Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night" brought me right back to that joy filled time of dance and where it took me.
As this weekend nears (and yes!, I DEFINITELY believe 3 Day Work Weeks are my retirement goal), I am feeling light, energized and eager to start the Marie Kondo process of the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
I have been feeling heavy and overwhelmed for the last long while. It is time to lighten things up and keep only that which sparks joy.
What sparks joy for you? The moment you feel the joyful sensation, I highly recommend stopping in that moment and simply saying "thank you". The more you recognize those moments of joy and acknowledge them, the more you will realize that even within the darkest of days, there are still moments where joy resides (for me yesterday morning, it was when I dropped a container of lotion and it landed right-side-up so there was NO clean up required, with the added bonus of not wasting any lotion!).
It is the little stuff that matters. Little things added up, can take us down to places we do not want to be. Little things added up, can also bring us up to where we need to be. One moment at a time.
Focus on joy. Where do you find it? What do you need to "define" to allow yourself what you need to get through the day?
Small stuff. Look for joy in the mundane. Say thank you. It all adds up ...
I brought work home with me so I can put in the first few hours of work at home this morning which feels empowering. I have set a start time in my head which I must adhere to in order to make this work. If it works today, perhaps I can make it work another day in the future.
Blurring the line between "work" and "home" is defined by working within my designated work time and mental space. I CAN bring work home and accomplish it if it doesn't interfere with my designated "me time".
Combining work and home feels empowering. Feeling empowered sparks joy.
My Youngest Son is headed home today. He has been gone exactly one week (almost to the hour, as I write this). He has had a most excellent time at the workshop he has attended and I can't wait to hear all about it.
Unfortunately, I will still be at work when he arrives. He has invited friends over tonight so by the time I get home, he will be busy. I will hear the watered down version of his week tomorrow. But just recalling how I can reignite the joy I felt during various recent vacations, I still feel like I will hear the best version as he relives the highlight reel.
My Youngest has lived a very sheltered life. At the ripe old age of 20 years old, he hasn't experienced "life" outside the confines of our bubble wrapped little world here at home very much. I am so glad he got away and experienced how it feels to live a week away from the definition of who he is at home.
I remember how I felt when I stepped away from Mom's ideals and started thinking for myself. By myself. It is a giddy feeling. To think your own thoughts, live your own life, define who you are outside the confines of "home".
My last little bird is taking his first steps outside of our nest. His wings seem to be worthy of taking flight. He sounds happy. He sounds joyful. This sparks "joy" within me.
I sat on my glasses several days ago and bent them in a manner which made me feel rather woozy when I tried wearing them the next day. Long story short, I need new glasses. The kind person who very carefully straightened my present day glasses so I could wear them without feeling nauseous, was the same person who helped me choose my next pair of specs.
It was a small thing but it was huge. A conversation which began by admitting "I hate mirrors" ended up in a merging of kindred thoughts, sparked a conversation about my dancing days (and all the mirrors) and as I walked away from that encounter and into my day, her parting words were of the essence "I'm so glad I got to start off my day with this conversation" (those were not her words at all but it was definitely the essence of what she said).
I drove off to work with thoughts of this conversation and my dancing days wafting through my thoughts. As I parked the car, the theme song of the dance competition I participated in started playing through the radio waves. "Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night" brought me right back to that joy filled time of dance and where it took me.
As this weekend nears (and yes!, I DEFINITELY believe 3 Day Work Weeks are my retirement goal), I am feeling light, energized and eager to start the Marie Kondo process of the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
I have been feeling heavy and overwhelmed for the last long while. It is time to lighten things up and keep only that which sparks joy.
What sparks joy for you? The moment you feel the joyful sensation, I highly recommend stopping in that moment and simply saying "thank you". The more you recognize those moments of joy and acknowledge them, the more you will realize that even within the darkest of days, there are still moments where joy resides (for me yesterday morning, it was when I dropped a container of lotion and it landed right-side-up so there was NO clean up required, with the added bonus of not wasting any lotion!).
It is the little stuff that matters. Little things added up, can take us down to places we do not want to be. Little things added up, can also bring us up to where we need to be. One moment at a time.
Focus on joy. Where do you find it? What do you need to "define" to allow yourself what you need to get through the day?
Small stuff. Look for joy in the mundane. Say thank you. It all adds up ...
Thursday, January 3, 2019
Choosing Joy (After my Holiday is Over)
So little time, so many little things I would like to do, to add VALUE to the time I do have at my disposal before I walk out this door and into the world's expectations and demands.
I can't believe I just wrote that sentence after spending eleven of my twelve days off doing absolutely nothing of true value almost all of those days. In my defense, I will say I must have needed that true "down time" otherwise I wouldn't have been able to fritter those days away so effectively.
I am back in the saddle. Back to work. Albeit, yesterday was a condensed day (only 8 hours instead of 9.5) and it will be a short work week (truly, I believe "retirement" to me will equal three day work weeks!).
The sore neck I struggled to get rid of during my holidays has returned. I woke up in the middle of the night with my neck bothering me, after finally succeeding in ridding myself of sore-neck-syndrome about four to five days into my holiday (after getting yet another new pillow). AND after what I truly believe happened ... I relaxed.
My early morning thoughts this morning were:
"RECOGNIZING ... it is harder to set my own intention, when I am at the whim of other people's intentions for 9 to 10 hours of my day. This is an OBSTACLE ... not an excuse! It is still my responsibility to "own" my own time. Learn to VALUE (not simply waste) the time I have."
This is easier said than done. I am eight hours back into my work week after twelve complete and total days off. I felt my bosses' tension slip into every ounce of my being the moment she stepped into the room. I can't embody her stress. It hurts too much. I need to manage this within myself more effectively. As I said, easier said than done.
I thought these thoughts, wrote them down and found some "Marie Kondo" videos on YouTube. I can tell by the way I feel after watching these lessons and illustrations of "The life changing magic of tidying up", that this is where I need to begin.
Maybe once I get my own living space in order, I can take what I have learned and incorporate it into the office I work in. THIS is one of my hugest obstacles.
How does one declutter someone else's personal work space? I have quite literally taken a large piece of white paper and placed it over the clutter so I can define my own "white space".
How does a person tackle such a large undertaking when there are not enough hours in the day to tend to the daily/weekly/monthly/quarterly/yearly demands of the job, let alone finding time to create order?
Are these valid reasons? Or just more excuses?
These are the things I did not miss while I was away. While my need to simplify, declutter, organize and purge starts at home, I know it has some long reaching effects which may help with the return of my Stress Neck.
P.S. I just googled "stress neck" and there is no such thing. It is written that it is unlikely that stress CAUSES neck pain but it can bring about the symptoms of underlying neck pain.
Well holidays, it was nice knowing you. Sad to say, that eight hours in, you are ALMOST all but forgotten.
No more excuses. It is time to pull up my socks and do what I can to make the most of this life I have been given. This job that intensifies the stress in my neck is necessary to my well being. It is up to ME to find a way to work through and beyond the discomfort.
After all, it is the Marie Kondo way. "It is about choosing joy".
I can't believe I just wrote that sentence after spending eleven of my twelve days off doing absolutely nothing of true value almost all of those days. In my defense, I will say I must have needed that true "down time" otherwise I wouldn't have been able to fritter those days away so effectively.
I am back in the saddle. Back to work. Albeit, yesterday was a condensed day (only 8 hours instead of 9.5) and it will be a short work week (truly, I believe "retirement" to me will equal three day work weeks!).
The sore neck I struggled to get rid of during my holidays has returned. I woke up in the middle of the night with my neck bothering me, after finally succeeding in ridding myself of sore-neck-syndrome about four to five days into my holiday (after getting yet another new pillow). AND after what I truly believe happened ... I relaxed.
My early morning thoughts this morning were:
"RECOGNIZING ... it is harder to set my own intention, when I am at the whim of other people's intentions for 9 to 10 hours of my day. This is an OBSTACLE ... not an excuse! It is still my responsibility to "own" my own time. Learn to VALUE (not simply waste) the time I have."
This is easier said than done. I am eight hours back into my work week after twelve complete and total days off. I felt my bosses' tension slip into every ounce of my being the moment she stepped into the room. I can't embody her stress. It hurts too much. I need to manage this within myself more effectively. As I said, easier said than done.
I thought these thoughts, wrote them down and found some "Marie Kondo" videos on YouTube. I can tell by the way I feel after watching these lessons and illustrations of "The life changing magic of tidying up", that this is where I need to begin.
Maybe once I get my own living space in order, I can take what I have learned and incorporate it into the office I work in. THIS is one of my hugest obstacles.
How does one declutter someone else's personal work space? I have quite literally taken a large piece of white paper and placed it over the clutter so I can define my own "white space".
How does a person tackle such a large undertaking when there are not enough hours in the day to tend to the daily/weekly/monthly/quarterly/yearly demands of the job, let alone finding time to create order?
Are these valid reasons? Or just more excuses?
These are the things I did not miss while I was away. While my need to simplify, declutter, organize and purge starts at home, I know it has some long reaching effects which may help with the return of my Stress Neck.
P.S. I just googled "stress neck" and there is no such thing. It is written that it is unlikely that stress CAUSES neck pain but it can bring about the symptoms of underlying neck pain.
Well holidays, it was nice knowing you. Sad to say, that eight hours in, you are ALMOST all but forgotten.
No more excuses. It is time to pull up my socks and do what I can to make the most of this life I have been given. This job that intensifies the stress in my neck is necessary to my well being. It is up to ME to find a way to work through and beyond the discomfort.
After all, it is the Marie Kondo way. "It is about choosing joy".
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
Obstacles
I am three hours into my morning. Thoughts are stirring, inspiration is sparking and I feel parts of me reigniting. Yet I look up and into the day before me and all I see is "obstacles". Real or imagined, obstacles are standing in my way.
The "real" obstacles?
I don't know what this day has in store. I was told I may or may not work (at my "day job") today. I tried calling last night to find out for sure but there was no answer. The phone rang and rang. I waited a while and called again. Nothing.
I was not meant to "know".
I woke up wondering how to set my intent for today when I didn't know what the day would bring. I decided "one hour at a time" was going to be my motto. For today, for tomorrow, for ... good.
We never really know what the next hour will bring. A phone call, an unexpected happening, an unrealized obligation or nothing at all. The best we can do on any given day, is to look at the day ahead, make an outline of what may crop up and work around it. To sit and do nothing at all because one doesn't know when the phone is going to ring or when one's expected day could change on a dime is an excuse. An excuse I have used time and time again this last long while.
I will do what I can, when I can and plan around what I do know.
I do know I am expected somewhere at 4:00. I know I want to buy new glasses. These are my two "for sure" items on today's agenda. Whatever happens in between will happen. I will do my best.
I have been watching Marie Kondo's "Tidying Up" on Netflix the past two mornings. I listen to her suggestions, I've printed off her guidelines and she is really not saying anything I didn't already know. Her style of decluttering is based upon tackling ONE category at a time. Honor that which you have. Keep that which sparks joy. Be grateful for the excess and let it go.
I can do this.
One of my biggest obstacles within my hope to declutter, paint and redecorate our home is feeling overwhelmed. Where does a person begin? It is too much.
I CAN tackle "one category" at a time. That, I can do. I do want to take on this job when I can see that category through to completion.
"Clothes" do not scare me. I do not obsess about clothes. Perhaps I should. But I don't. And that is okay. Even though I have little, I know I have a lot to get rid of. The clothes that make me feel blah, bulky and blue. I can picture some of them as I sit here. Yet when I'm feeling lost and insecure, I don't even feel strong enough to let those go. I do believe if I pile every item of clothing I have onto a bed as Marie suggests, my choices will become clearer.
"Books" are the second item on Marie's checklist. Immediately, I thought I couldn't do books. The books in our home are all wrapped up in sentimental value because 95% of them were Mom's. Yet ... I want to house, organize and showcase Mom's books in a way that honors them. I want to create a small library within one of our spare rooms. This goal begins with emptying the bookshelves and creating space to build what is starting to formulate within my mind's eye. Yes, books must be second on my list of decluttering. Dealing with these books will open possibilities and allow my dream of creating a reading room begin to happen.
"Komono" is a little bit of everything else. It includes everything EXCEPT sentimental items. Dealing with the miscellaneous items within our home means bringing all like items together, culling through the excess and storing what is left over in ONE place. I remember the satisfaction I used to feel KNOWING that each and every safety pin within our home was in ONE place. I'm weird that way. But as I enter the stage of forgetting where things are, if I move it from its original storage spot, the idea of knowing where each and every safety pin is, brings me peace. Then again, if I can't remember where one is, I will have lost them all ... (things that make me go "hmmm").
"Sentimental" - this is the category which has stopped me in my tracks each and every time I think of tackling the excess within our home. This is why Marie Kondo suggests tackling this last. Even though I may not have the fortitude to see this task through to the bitter end of letting things go, this is what I know. I CAN sort through and put all pictures in ONE spot. I can isolate and honor the letters. I can put all the memorabilia and history in one place. Sentimental items that take up less space in my heart can be dealt with easier. But the hard stuff? I can put that in one container and deal with them when I am still and able to honor the memories as I decide what is important.
"Papers" is another category Marie has mentioned. Paper is my downfall. I have not only my income tax papers, receipts and all documents related to our home and everything in it, to diplomas, resumes, and household receipts BUT I have both Mom & Dad's income tax returns since 1945. Yes, "papers" is going to be a tough one. Perhaps even harder than the sentimental category.
I believe categorizing the task and putting it ALL right out in front of you is key. As I look upon each and every category Marie Kondo describes, I can picture the piles which will formulate. There is a "knowing" that by taking everything out of the nooks and crannies where they are stored, and putting them in ONE pile, priorities will come into focus.
I look ahead not only into today, but the days, months and years ahead and I recognize the obstacles that lie ahead of me.
Something is different though. I feel as though I am honoring those obstacles.
The job I don't know if I will have to go to today? I have this job! It is a job which could not be better for me. It honors who I am, what I know, what I am capable of and what I am capable of learning. Plus? I get paid.
I have a small writing project I finally started tackling again yesterday. I have been procrastinating for six months. It is not a hard job. It is simply time consuming. I felt overwhelmed. So I set a timer for one hour. ONE hour at a time, I took on this task. I reset the timer three more times. I SUCCEEDED in working for 3.5 hours. The job is still a long way from completion. But one hour at a time, I will get it done.
The excess that has been weighing me down? I look around our home, I open cupboards and drawers and I realize the excess isn't as heavy on the outside as it feels on the inside. I'm a girl who used to scour the house from top to bottom to ensure everything not only HAD a spot, but every little item that fell within that category was IN its spot.
Material belongings could be lost in a heartbeat. Our home that houses not only us but all of our "stuff" is a gift beyond words.
I will begin this journey of overcoming obstacles by honoring them. I will place all those obstacles into a pile (mentally or physically) and honor what I have been given before I start letting the excess go.
The "real" obstacles?
I don't know what this day has in store. I was told I may or may not work (at my "day job") today. I tried calling last night to find out for sure but there was no answer. The phone rang and rang. I waited a while and called again. Nothing.
I was not meant to "know".
I woke up wondering how to set my intent for today when I didn't know what the day would bring. I decided "one hour at a time" was going to be my motto. For today, for tomorrow, for ... good.
We never really know what the next hour will bring. A phone call, an unexpected happening, an unrealized obligation or nothing at all. The best we can do on any given day, is to look at the day ahead, make an outline of what may crop up and work around it. To sit and do nothing at all because one doesn't know when the phone is going to ring or when one's expected day could change on a dime is an excuse. An excuse I have used time and time again this last long while.
I will do what I can, when I can and plan around what I do know.
I do know I am expected somewhere at 4:00. I know I want to buy new glasses. These are my two "for sure" items on today's agenda. Whatever happens in between will happen. I will do my best.
I have been watching Marie Kondo's "Tidying Up" on Netflix the past two mornings. I listen to her suggestions, I've printed off her guidelines and she is really not saying anything I didn't already know. Her style of decluttering is based upon tackling ONE category at a time. Honor that which you have. Keep that which sparks joy. Be grateful for the excess and let it go.
I can do this.
One of my biggest obstacles within my hope to declutter, paint and redecorate our home is feeling overwhelmed. Where does a person begin? It is too much.
I CAN tackle "one category" at a time. That, I can do. I do want to take on this job when I can see that category through to completion.
"Clothes" do not scare me. I do not obsess about clothes. Perhaps I should. But I don't. And that is okay. Even though I have little, I know I have a lot to get rid of. The clothes that make me feel blah, bulky and blue. I can picture some of them as I sit here. Yet when I'm feeling lost and insecure, I don't even feel strong enough to let those go. I do believe if I pile every item of clothing I have onto a bed as Marie suggests, my choices will become clearer.
"Books" are the second item on Marie's checklist. Immediately, I thought I couldn't do books. The books in our home are all wrapped up in sentimental value because 95% of them were Mom's. Yet ... I want to house, organize and showcase Mom's books in a way that honors them. I want to create a small library within one of our spare rooms. This goal begins with emptying the bookshelves and creating space to build what is starting to formulate within my mind's eye. Yes, books must be second on my list of decluttering. Dealing with these books will open possibilities and allow my dream of creating a reading room begin to happen.
"Komono" is a little bit of everything else. It includes everything EXCEPT sentimental items. Dealing with the miscellaneous items within our home means bringing all like items together, culling through the excess and storing what is left over in ONE place. I remember the satisfaction I used to feel KNOWING that each and every safety pin within our home was in ONE place. I'm weird that way. But as I enter the stage of forgetting where things are, if I move it from its original storage spot, the idea of knowing where each and every safety pin is, brings me peace. Then again, if I can't remember where one is, I will have lost them all ... (things that make me go "hmmm").
"Sentimental" - this is the category which has stopped me in my tracks each and every time I think of tackling the excess within our home. This is why Marie Kondo suggests tackling this last. Even though I may not have the fortitude to see this task through to the bitter end of letting things go, this is what I know. I CAN sort through and put all pictures in ONE spot. I can isolate and honor the letters. I can put all the memorabilia and history in one place. Sentimental items that take up less space in my heart can be dealt with easier. But the hard stuff? I can put that in one container and deal with them when I am still and able to honor the memories as I decide what is important.
"Papers" is another category Marie has mentioned. Paper is my downfall. I have not only my income tax papers, receipts and all documents related to our home and everything in it, to diplomas, resumes, and household receipts BUT I have both Mom & Dad's income tax returns since 1945. Yes, "papers" is going to be a tough one. Perhaps even harder than the sentimental category.
I believe categorizing the task and putting it ALL right out in front of you is key. As I look upon each and every category Marie Kondo describes, I can picture the piles which will formulate. There is a "knowing" that by taking everything out of the nooks and crannies where they are stored, and putting them in ONE pile, priorities will come into focus.
I look ahead not only into today, but the days, months and years ahead and I recognize the obstacles that lie ahead of me.
Something is different though. I feel as though I am honoring those obstacles.
The job I don't know if I will have to go to today? I have this job! It is a job which could not be better for me. It honors who I am, what I know, what I am capable of and what I am capable of learning. Plus? I get paid.
I have a small writing project I finally started tackling again yesterday. I have been procrastinating for six months. It is not a hard job. It is simply time consuming. I felt overwhelmed. So I set a timer for one hour. ONE hour at a time, I took on this task. I reset the timer three more times. I SUCCEEDED in working for 3.5 hours. The job is still a long way from completion. But one hour at a time, I will get it done.
The excess that has been weighing me down? I look around our home, I open cupboards and drawers and I realize the excess isn't as heavy on the outside as it feels on the inside. I'm a girl who used to scour the house from top to bottom to ensure everything not only HAD a spot, but every little item that fell within that category was IN its spot.
Material belongings could be lost in a heartbeat. Our home that houses not only us but all of our "stuff" is a gift beyond words.
I will begin this journey of overcoming obstacles by honoring them. I will place all those obstacles into a pile (mentally or physically) and honor what I have been given before I start letting the excess go.
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
A Fresh New Page
As much as I think the New Year is a non-event for me, I must admit it felt rather cathartic to file away 2018 and flip the brand new calendar into the year 2019.
I struggled through some of 2018. I went on a few "fly away" vacations. I stepped out of my solitude, I worked, I played and had some fun.
I have stepped into My Next Chapter Without a Map. I have few guidelines to follow other than a loosely thrown together list of intentions for the months as they unfold:
#1 - Next year, I am going to book two weeks of holidays over Christmas. I am not quite ready to return to life as I know it. I am JUST starting to feel a renewal of energy and wish I had more days at my disposal to start acting upon that which is starting to stir within.
#2 - START the process of decluttering with my own belongings. Mom's room, Mom's memorabilia and all the sentimental stuff has been stopping me in my tracks. I can still begin. I will just start where it is easiest. With MY stuff.
#3 - Slow and steady wins the race. As I sit here after ten full days of simply breathing, eating and following the easiest path, I feel "a list" formulating in my mind. The list of "I should's" are daunting. There is so much to do that I don't have the energy to do a thing. One. Small. Step. At. A. Time. Add ONE new habit. Live it. Breathe it. Incorporate it into my day. Once it becomes second nature, add a second life affirming action into my day.
#4 - Buy better groceries. Having good-for-us and easy to assemble food in the kitchen is one habit I want to add into our life. This is easier said while not living my regularly scheduled life. I will do my best. I will try.
#5 - Write. Just write. Whether I write in a journal, send off a note or an email or blog. I want to return to a world where my heart to fingertip connection is reignited.
I write this list of things-to-do and already I feel like I am biting off more than I can chew. ONE small step at a time.
I feel the angst of having to step back into my daily work world. This holiday has been just what I needed. A lot of quiet. No pressure. A life where I wake up, open the curtains and greet the day before me with a little bit of joy.
How can I do this while working?
Perhaps I need to add ...
#6 - When I wake up in the morning, GET up. No turning on the TV. No lulling myself back to sleep with my Netflix addiction of the moment. WAKE up. GET up. CREATE the time I need by being wakeful during the early morning hours. Be PRESENT. Do not sleep through my down time.
2019 will be a year where I strive to live each day with INTENTION. I may intend to have a relaxing day. I may intend to have a day focused on living outside this cozy little oasis. I may intend to accomplish ONE hard thing. I simply need to set my intentions before I put my feet on the ground.
ONE hard thing at a time. ONE hour at a time. Perhaps that ONE hour could be devoted to my word puzzle addiction. Do some of the hard things. Add joy. Fulfill my own needs. Find a balance. Expect that balance to change.
I feel like I walked through 2018 in my sleep. It was not an INTENTIONAL year. It simply unfolded. That is okay. It is what I needed.
But it is time for a change. ONE small step at a time.
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