Hello Darkness

Without a doubt, one of my most favorite things about our renewed home is the lighting. As pleased as I am with all the new light fixtures, switches and ability to dim several of the lights, the under-counter lighting in the kitchen is my favorite.

As our daylight hours grow by the day, I keep wondering what time I would have to get up in order to enjoy the early morning glow of the under counter lighting before the sun wakes up and starts shining through the windows.

The lack of living room blinds made it impossible to block the light by any artificial means. I was almost as grateful for the inability to postpone the daylight as I was for the glow of the under counter lighting.

I found the minimal white light within the darkness soothing. It felt like an invisible hug as I padded quietly through the morning in our dimly lit kitchen. It calmed my soul.

Our living room blinds arrived last week. They are up, fully operational and do a very good job of darkening the room.

This morning, I paused before I opened the blinds. I wanted to block the sunlight so I could enjoy what I found within the darkness. I shook my head in wonder. "You want to do what?!", I admonished myself.

I found a way to cope with the darkness. I didn't want to let it go.

I then wondered about all of the parallels within that realization.

I started using the TV to tune out my thoughts while mending a broken heart. I realized I could tune out the words that were keeping me awake at night by turning on the television and focusing my thoughts on a program that interested me. The minute I stopped thinking, I fell asleep. Every time.

I use that coping mechanism to this very day.

I use food in a similar manner. Food comforts and consoles me even when I'm already full. Food is my reward for getting through the day. Any day. All days.

As I pulled open the living room blinds to welcome the daylight despite my love of the darkness, it brought my other coping mechanisms to light.

Once you become comfortable within the darkness, there is a sense of safety and security within the cocoon you create.

Don't be afraid to let in the light. Go towards the light. That is where you find life, love and purpose.

The words, "Hello Darkness, my old friend..." haunt my soul. I can feel the gravitational pull towards the comfort I feel there.

Spring? You are arriving just in time. Thank you for forcing me towards the light.