Spring

Spring is calling my name and I think I need to answer its call.

I am having flashbacks to my daycaring days and feeling the pull of becoming one with nature, sitting in a sunbeam, going for long walks and counting the signs of spring.

Spring was both my favorite and most dreaded season of the year while operating my daycare. With the warmer days came mud, puddles and mess. But it didn't take all that long for things to dry up so we could bask in the dawn of a new season of sunshine.

I just read something this morning that resonated within me and eased my guilt a little. It said while parenting, you may lose your mind a little bit. But you find your soul. I read the words and they settled deep inside me. It described how I felt while I ran my daycare.

I miss my daycare days at times.

Sleep, good food, fresh air and exercise cured a lot of what ailed the children under my care. Sometimes they needed a little time out. Sometimes they needed a little extra attention. There were very few things a nap didn't cure.

Now, I walk through my days and those who I spend my time with need much of what my younger daycare crowd needed. But it's all out of my control. I can suggest. I can hope. I can try. But mostly I listen.

I miss the complexity combined with the simplicity of watching over my little ones. I miss the "heaven on earth" moments where all I did was simply hover and enjoy the moments in the sun. The moments when no one knew I was watching. The moments of harmony, innocence and pure unadulterated joy.

Unadulterated. What a word. We become adults and our childlike joy and innocence becomes lost to us.

A friend of mine said it best when she compared her world where she devoted her time and energy to her aging parents, to my daycare world. She said while I was a part of helping young people become more independent, her time was spent walking by her parents' side as they lost their independence.

Aging is not for the faint of heart.

Oh, how I crave to simply sit in a sunbeam and listen to my older friends reminisce about the seasons of their lives. I long for fresh air, sun, laughter and joy. I need to find it so I can share it with those around me.

I wish to find a way to bring that sunshine and light into our day. Everyone needs a dose of childlike innocence and joy.

I want to walk through a pasture and look for the first crocus. I want to be still and have a rabbit cross my path so I can marvel at its transformation from winter white to the springtime evolution to its summer browns. I want to listen to the birds and watch for the migration of the southern birds coming north for the next few seasons.

Most of all, I want to do all of the above before the ticks, canker worms and mosquitoes wake up. This season is short. I just want to hold onto that which brings me joy and feel a little of the "soul" I remember from my daycaring days...