Questions That Make Me Ponder

I drop by to visit my aunt on a regular basis. Our visits have become routine, somewhat repetitive and familiar. She often asks me the same questions and yesterday as I listened to my own answers, I heard something I have never heard before.

Q: Do you miss your daycare?
A: No

Later on, she asked me:

Q: Do you miss dancing?
A: No

I shook my head at the realization that despite the differences within those two questions, the similarity was in my answer.

Both of those times were perfect for me as I was living my life forward.

Yes, there were several challenges in running a daycare but those challenges strengthened me, made me a better communicator, instilled "writing" as my coping mechanism and brought out a part of myself I may never had found, had I not stuck with my daycare through thick and thin.

As challenging as some moments were, they were heavily outnumbered by the mundane, routine and speckled with an assortment of "Heaven on Earth" moments. Watching children contentedly at play, when they have no idea you are watching them is bliss. Pure bliss.

I had to quit daycaring when the challenges outweighed the bliss on a much-too-regular basis. It wasn't an easy decision but it was the right one. I quit for the sake of the children. They needed a more joyful daycare provider. Though I had felt joyful during the majority of my daycare days, it subsided by the end of my daycare career.

It was time to move on. No regrets.

Now dancing on the other hand, was joy. Pure, unadulterated fun and joy. My heart soared during those days. I forgot the world outside the moment I walked through the dance studio doors. Music, laughter, movement, human contact and sharing a passion for dancing within a room of people who felt the same way? There was nothing like it.

I loved every moment of my years within the walls of the dance studio. In the end, a shortage of men to dance with, combined with a shortage of money and bad feet made my decision to stop dancing easier than I ever thought it would be.

I can remember the last time I quit dancing (yes, I started and stopped dancing about as many times as I gave my long term relationships). But the last time? I was quite certain would be THE last time.

And it was. No regrets.

Dancing? Daycaring? These two activities couldn't be more different. Yet the similarity is: when it was time to let it go, I did. I have had no regrets. None.

My aunt asked me what my favorite job was. I didn't have an answer. I could quickly remember my least favorite. But my favorite? That was harder to pin down.

While I'm in the middle of whatever it is going on within my life, whether it is work, recreational or something I do "just for me", it is usually my favorite place to be at the time. When it stops feeling good over a long period of time (absolutely nothing is ideal 100% of the time), is when I start considering my options.

I ponder "where I am at" periodically. More than half the people who touch my life are retired. Again, my aunt asks me regularly about retirement and when I plan to retire. So I have considered my answer on several occasions.

I need to work. Not only because my budget tells me so, but I need it for "me". If I didn't work, I would be frittering away my days. I find this thoroughly enjoyable for a weekend, a holiday or any bonus hour or day that finds me. But for the rest of my life? I think I need more of a purpose than mindless frittering of time.

In a perfect world, I would work from home again. Ever since I ran my daycare and utilized every square inch of our home and yard, I "knew" our home was part of my ideal work situation. I still mull this idea over in my head regularly. Daycaring is definitely out. Senior care in my home? I think that would be too much. Opening a B & B or an Air BnB establishment? I toy with the idea. Renting part of our house? A border?

I don't know.

I just know I am exactly where I am meant to be right now. I have given up what stopped working for me in the past with no regrets. I'm moving into the future as surefooted as any other time in my past. When I look at "the rest of my life", it is too big to comprehend in one fell swoop. When I look at "this year and the next", I'm good with the here and now.

I'm grateful for my regular visits with my aunt. The repetitive questions which make me think, help me find parallels and focus my attention on my answers. I try to vary the content of my answers ever so slightly to keep the conversation fresh. In doing so, I find new perspective.

What questions make you ponder? How many different ways can you answer the same question? Can you find a new perspective by looking at the same scenario differently?

Life is a learning curve. We never stop learning. Everything we encounter is placed before us to teach us something. I value every little thing my aunt is helping me see.