Let There Be Light!

And on the 33rd day of the Renovation he said, "Let there be light" ...

and there was light.

It did not come without great trial and tribulation

but after much perseverance (and after replacing a faulty light switch) ...

... there was light!!

And by the time I got home from work, the entire main floor was adorned with updated light fixtures.

All light switches were fully functional and all I had to do was flip a switch ...

... and there was light.

And it was good.

He then rested for a few days, returned to the Renovation Site and said ...

"Let there be blinds!"

The miracles never cease around this Site of Renovation.

On which day will this work of creation be finished? I think we are all ready to rest from all the work which has been done.

Life Beyond the Renovation

Now that our renovations are taking up less real estate in my brain, "life" is catching up with me.

My hair - it is in dire need of a root touch up and trim. I look like an shaggy old dog. This look may pass on a 30 year old. But for a person in their late 50's, who wears their stress on their face? It's gotta go.

Speaking of hair - while glancing at my reflection on a differently lit mirror, I found a lone chin hair which needed to be plucked a week prior. It was so long, I had to measure it. It had time to grow an entire half inch. Oh dear. At least it was grey and didn't stand out TOO badly.

Income tax - I'm usually right on top of income tax at this time of the year. Thankfully I did a preliminary check of my taxes Christmas Eve, otherwise I may be in for the surprise of my life. I have at least three other people's taxes to tend to so I need to get back on top of that.

Prescription - I have a three month prescription which is lovely. Three months go by slowly enough that I can usually feel it in my bones when it needs to be renewed. Not this time. As I shook out my pill for the day, I was rather surprised to find only a few days left. I got on that one yesterday.

Blood donation - I let that one slip. When I ended up with a minor case of shingles days after my last donation, I immediately called the blood donor clinic and they cancelled the appointment I had booked for February. When I received their follow up call to re-book, I was in mid-renovation. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was to commit a Saturday morning to the task. That still needs to be done.

Dumpster pick up - My son had the ingenious idea to rent a dumpster to handle the outgoing decor of our renovation. He estimated we would need it for two weeks. Add a weekend onto his estimate and he was right on the money. All I had to do was to call for pick up. I finally remembered yesterday. It was lovely to come home last night and see the vacant spot where the dumpster took up residence. It served its purpose very well. We filled it to the brim. We were glad to have it but I was more than glad to see it go.

Furnace cleaning - I have finally booked an appointment for a furnace cleaning which signifies "the end of our renovation mess" is complete (at least the dirty, dusty, messy part). The removal of the dumpster along with our pending furnace cleaning eases my mind. We will be living the good life very soon!

Front door - Now that every door on the main floor has been replaced, our old front door must go. I've spent my renovation budget so this is a hard pill to swallow. But I must. This comes with the benefit of asking my Kitchen Reno Guy (and painter and all-round contractor/fixer upper) if he would like to take on the job. He is coming by this week to start the ball rolling.

We still have half a basement worth of excess I must tend to in some fashion. I'm terribly afraid this could end up like "Mom's room" - the room where memories of Mom and all I received as we divvied up the contents of her house were laid to rest. Everything has now been relocated downstairs but I don't want it abandoned and forgotten.

I need to get back to Marie Kondo and deal with the excesses which are now accumulated downstairs.

I'm almost back to where I was January 1st. Starting anew. Rejuvenated and ready to move forward. But ... I now have the added bonus of having one entire floor under control.

This renovation has given me a new starting point. If only it came with grand finale. The list of things yet to do continues to grow. Thankfully my ambition levels have been rekindled. I need to keep the momentum going. If only in a Marie Kondo fashion, where it is not about the renovation but in the downsizing of what we already have.

I am finding great joy in our minimalized main floor. Now to move that energy downstairs ...

It's the Little Things

As our Great Renovation Project of 2019 is winding down to a close, I am truly revelling in all the little things this renovation has brought into our little world.

We are down to the finishing touches which make a big impact as everything becomes one cohesive picture of the vision we had in mind as this project took on a life of its own.

Yesterday was the installation of the lights. All the lighting upstairs is new, complimentary and updated. The living room blinds are on "delay" as we await a sale before ordering them, which gave me a sneak preview as I drove up the driveway at the end of my day.

I saw it. The new light in the living room. It looked pretty great from my limited view (the light wasn't even turned on). I couldn't wait to step into the house and try out all the new lights. They are perfect. They complete the look.

There seems to be an unending list of little things to tie up before we can officially call this renovation project complete, but one by one, everything is coming together and I am hopeful that today will mark the end of the work my son has taken on.

It has been a huge undertaking for my son. From the vision, to the demo, to the work that began behind the scenes as he painted all the new doors and closet doors in his own home before spending his days (and several nights) here. He has never laid laminate before and he took the task of the entire main floor of our home. He has hung all the interior doors and closet doors. He has installed all the baseboard and trim...

None of these tasks are as simple as they sound. The tweeking, the caulking, the patching, the "making it work", the touch ups, the clean up, the endless amount of painting, reassembling closets, moving the heavy furniture back upstairs ... not to mention fielding my thoughts and concerns along the way. I must admit the "sweat equity" I added to the project has consisted mostly of emptying, dusting and refilling the main floor of our home.

Yesterday, I was given a job. My son suggested I replace the old registers with the new ones. Sounds simple, but I still needed the help of my son as we have a few ducts which have been tampered with, thus creating a too small opening for the standard sized register.

It's just another one of those little things.

As I wandered through our home flicking on our new lights and appreciating the refreshed new look and the mere fact that the light switch did its job (changing lights in our home is yet another thing that was a bigger job than it should have been due to some creative wiring of a previous light installation), I found Jet savoring the moment as well ...

He was cozied up, enjoying laying on our new register. The cats are loving rediscovering our home as things evolve on a daily basis. In fact, Jet enjoyed hopping onto the boxes of the new light fixtures. He is intent on leaving his scent on everything coming into our renewed home.

I just smiled when I noticed Jet atop the new heat register. He likes "new" too. Then again, he may simply be cold. This cold snap has invaded our home and is reminding me that our insulation is in dire need of upgrading.

It's just another one of those "little things" to add to the cost of home ownership. Those little things sure add up in a hurry.

The Sock Story

A little story I remember with a smile is a time when Mom was undergoing some medical testing. Mom often had little stories about how good the medical staff was and this particular time, the lab technologist complimented Mom on her socks.

Mom had a pretty cool wardrobe. She often received compliments about her shoes, her bright red coat (both gifts from my sister) and Mom often retold these stories of her encounters with people she didn't know, yet they made her day by noticing these small things.

This particular time, we were pretty concerned about the underlying cause of Mom's symptoms. Mom never much liked talking about her health so this compliment about her socks when her feet had absolutely nothing to do with the test at hand pleased Mom. And once again, the overall gist of the story is how NICE the medical staff were.

The story of Mom's cool socks was a moment of lightness during a time of worry. It sidetracked our thoughts and it simply brought a smile to our face and lit up the moment.

Mom had a more up to date wardrobe at the age of 85, than I ever have. These compliments Mom received probably brought up a conversation where I said, "No one would ever notice my socks. All my socks are black". A flip comment I would have completely forgotten if I hadn't received a surprise gift from Mom shortly thereafter. A package of brightly colored "cool socks".

I wear black socks for a reason. With feet the size of mine, I do not want any undue attention drawn towards them. While I loved Mom's gift, the back story and everything that came with those socks ... I knew I would never wear most of them. I kept the whole package of socks for a while, then picked out the one pair I could envision myself wearing. Black striped sparkly socks. I gave away the rest of the never been worn brightly colored socks.

I didn't wear them often. They were pretty flashy, after all. Besides, they made me think of Mom's sock story and I didn't want to wear them out.

Socks don't last long in my world. Even though I didn't wear these socks a lot, I knew they were wearing thin. So I pushed them to the back of my drawer and wore them even less.

Then came the day I should have done laundry but we didn't have any water. It brought my sock supply to an all time low. I needed a fresh clean pair of socks to go with my pj's after I showered last night (doesn't everyone want their socks to match their pajamas?). I've been thinking of Mom a lot and thought it was fitting that I should wear the socks she gave me on such an occasion.

I thought I could feel the floor beneath my feet. Sure enough, the socks were thread bare. But I wanted to wear them for as long as I could. And I did.

This is my sock at today's end. It has a mate that looks almost identical. I do believe this is the last time these socks will be able to be worn....

They are just a simple pair of socks. But I can still see the expression on Mom's face when she spoke of her sock story and gave me the gift of socks worthy of someone taking notice. Letting go of my sparkly socks is just another reason to think of Mom and bring her into the moment with me.

I've never been so sorry to let a holey pair of socks go. It's the little things that matter the most. It's the littlest of things that have the potential to make the biggest difference...

To Wash Clothes or Not to Wash Clothes ...

I woke up this morning knowing I should wash clothes. I should wash sheets as well, but I knew that was going to wait one more day.

I really didn't feel like doing laundry but I was trying to "should" myself into the task made so easy by all of our modern appliances and easy access to water, power and everything one needs to do the job.

First job of the day was tending to our cats. I went to fill their water dish. We didn't have water. Hmmm ...

We have been doing a lot of renovating but water has not been part of the work involved. I knew we had water when I went to bed so I was assured that renovations were most likely not a contributing factor.

Surely it was just the downstairs bathroom, right? Wrong. We simply have no water.

I just called the City and there is indeed, a water main break in our area. They are trying to get us on water but there were no guarantees.

What was my immediate reaction? Relief. The decision to my dilemma "to wash clothes or not to wash clothes" was taken right out of my hands.

I don't have to do laundry this morning. For that, I am grateful.

A Few of My Favorite Things

Our Great Renovation of 2019 is winding down to a close. The "after" pictures will be ready for the taking soon enough but before that happens, I want to just sit still and focus on a few of my favorite things.

Our renovated kitchen:

This is where our project began and it is only fitting, that it is the first to be almost complete. Our "came with the original house" cupboards have been updated, painted and adorned with new hinges and handles to bring them into the 21st century. 

Our older almond colored fridge and stove have been replaced with new-to-us white appliances. The black dishwasher is part of the original decor, still works and goes well with the new color scheme. It stays.

The counter tops, back splash and kitchen sink/taps however? All new. All have been long awaited items I have wished for, for decades. The under the counter and over the sink lighting however? These were bonuses to me. Little add ons I didn't know I wanted but now that they are here, I can't imagine our kitchen without them.

The over-the-stove microwave was my Kitchen Reno Guy's suggestion and it was like he read my mind. I have always wished for this. How did he know? He had a perfectly good used microwave on hand, a cast off from someone else's renovations and it looks like it was made for this spot.

My Reno Guy suggested we lengthen the cupboard between the stove and the fridge, to match the other side (and also to cover the side of the microwave which would not have been covered by the previous one-shelf-shorter cabinet). Doesn't it look like it was always there?!

Our cupboard doors have new latches, so we don't need child locks on the cabinetry to keep the cats out of the cupboards. This feature is easily a tie for first place on a few of my favorite things.

Our kitchen table continues to find a new spot every day, as it has never moved off the main floor throughout the renovation project. It is Mom's table and chairs and I think it is only fitting that they have been a part of the process every step of the way.

The kitchen is the only room which has this door treatment. I could have easily been swayed to continue this style throughout the house but I'm glad we didn't. Because ...

... I absolutely love these baseboards and most especially the rounded corner moulding. "This" was what I came home to last night - almost completed baseboards with the corner mouldings all in place. The rounded corners were something I KNEW I wanted. I had a painter or two, who tried talking me out of this added feature and cost but I was adamant. Our new rounded corners are quite likely my all time favorite part of the entire renovation.

I'm also lovin' our new interior doors. Note the black knobs and hinges and how cohesive this look is, to our updated kitchen. The doors close perfectly, sit where you leave them (we had a door or two that automatically wanted to close itself before) and the door handles? Honestly, I feel like I'm in a five star hotel when I turn these door knobs. They aren't your run of the mill standard door knobs. They feel good to the touch.

Our living room showcases "all that has been done". The flooring (which was the catalyst for all that followed), new paint, cable outlets with plug ins right beside them, for a future TV (so there are no unsightly wires showing), check out all the new electrical outlets (perhaps my second favorite thing!) and the baseboards. 

The living room is the room my son had "a vision" of what he wanted the end result to look like. I can't wait for its finishing touches to complete its look. I have a feeling this room will be the pièce de ré·sis·tance after all is said and done. 

We still have lighting, registers/cold air registers, door stops and blinds to purchase and install. We (and I use the term "we" very lightly - it is more like "he" - my Second Son who has been an integral part of each step of this renovation project) are in the home stretch now!

Perhaps my most favorite thing of all? The feeling that Mom would have given this her nod of approval. How I wish she could bear witness to all that has transpired around here lately. I have felt her within me, our home and the decisions that have been made every step of the way. She would have looked forward to her weekly letter with pictures and updates. I can feel Dad's presence within my son, his capability and willingness to take on such an onerous task. His attention to detail, his ideas and his perseverance are traits I can back track to Dad and see the way they have trickled down the family tree to my brother and beyond.

So many of my favorite things are wrapped up within this renovation project. Many of them which are beyond what the eye can see. But even to the naked eye, things are looking pretty good around here. I am grateful. So grateful...

I Get to Stay Here!!!

I was living in my nightmare last night. It was so real. So very real ...

Flash to the scene where I asked if I could have access to our new home so I could take pictures of the inside of the house. I wanted to have a firm idea what the layout was, so I could plan our move.

We walked into the house and it was wrong. It was so very wrong. I didn't like the layout, the location and it was in dire need of updating, fixing and there was nothing I really liked about it. I looked at the massive floor plan and knew there would be a lot of empty spaces. I wondered if my son's idea for our existing living room would work in this monstrosity. 

I was so upset. I couldn't believe I had sold our existing home right after renovating it. I bemoaned the fact that we had just renovated. And now we would be moving into ... this?

The existing owner just shrugged his shoulders and said we could just do it all over again. I was sobbing as I replied, "But the money is all gone. I spent all the money. I will never be able to do this again ..."

I cried so very hard. My heart was aching. What had I done? What was I thinking? What now? The money was gone. There was no turning back ...

Then I woke up.

I was so elated to wake up to my own little life, in my own bed, in our HOME, which we get to keep. "I get to stay here!!!" were the words I scrawled on a piece of paper while I was still living the nightmare.

I get to stay.

I Was Just Late ...

This morning was full of delays. One thing led to the next, the next and then another. I finally left the house about a half hour later than I should have.

As I was driving to work, I had to find a detour around my regular route because the road was closed. On my extended drive to work, the radio announcer was advising all drivers to avoid the area as it was extremely backed up due to a multi vehicle traffic accident due to icy driving conditions.

I always like to rationalize these small inconveniences and had firmly decided that all of my delays put me exactly where I needed to be, to avoid being involved in this accident. My story justified my late start to the day and made me appreciate my safe drive just a little bit more. Mostly I was glad to have a plausible "excuse" for being late.

I couldn't wait to come home and check the details of this story to confirm my theory.

It turns out the accident did indeed involve 12 vehicles and a semi truck and the road was closed for almost three hours.

Except ... the accident occurred at approximately 7:40 a.m., while I was just sitting down with my morning smoothie and had no intention of leaving the house for another hour. All of my delays did not save me from untold danger and the inconvenience of having a crashed car. I was just late for work.

The end.

Today ...

Today ...

I get to walk around the house in my sock feet. No indoor shoes or slippers are required. 

Today ...

I woke up to the company of my Second Son and his girlfriend who had spent the night. We had a cup of coffee together then they left to carry on with their day.

Today ...

I sat back and enjoyed this:

Today ...

I had an extra cup of coffee, caught up on my word puzzles and simply relaxed.

Today ...

I should be painting the baseboards in the living room. But I haven't. Not yet.

Today ...

Is the end of my extended long weekend.

Tomorrow ...

I must return to life as I know it.

But then I get to come home to our new and much improved (and improving by the day) home.

Ahhh ...

Today. There is nothing quite like savoring the moment. 

I think I'll savor it just a little while longer before I move onto the next phase of today.

Renovation Update

The laminate is installed! It is done. Right on schedule and on budget too. My laminate installer extraordinaire (my Second Son) deserves a medal. His perseverance is second to none. His work? Perfection.

Yesterday this was the "tool room"; today it is a guest and saw storage room; future plans - a den

Yesterday, this was a guest room; today it is an empty room; future plans - still unknown

Yesterday, this room was empty (with laminate installed); today, this is the "tool room"; future plans - guest room perhaps?

Hallway - yesterday, this had a stack of yet-to-be-installed laminate; today, it is empty; future plans - reassemble the linen closet at the end of the hall (including new closet doors)

Living Room - yesterday, this housed the couch, love seat, table and chairs; today, it is emptied out as we prepare for a day of painting baseboards and trim tomorrow; future plans - living room 

Our ever evolving kitchen - yesterday, this was empty and the laminate was completed to the dishwasher; today, the laminate is completely finished and dishwasher is yet to be installed (but it was done by the day's end - I can thank my Second Son for that!); future plans - kitchen

Something wonderful is happening around here!! There are many details yet to contend with but it feels like we are in the home stretch. 

I have much to be grateful for ... a son who was/is willing to take this on? Pretty darn amazing. He has made all things possible. 

Dusty and Weary

This Place of Dust is starting to wear me down.

Don't get me wrong. Things are happening around here. Renovations are right on schedule and I couldn't be more pleased with the way things are going. The installation of the laminate was slated for this weekend and we are right on track.

This is our living room as of last night.

Here it is tonight. The kitchen flooring has begun so the "cutting area" and the kitchen table have moved into the living room.


The kitchen is looking wonderful!!! (I took a picture of the half that was done)

Right down to the perfection of this circular cut into the laminate for the wiring for the stove.

The spare bedroom? Done!

The hallway? Done and done (check those perfectly straight and centered lines)

Our current guest room however? Leaves a little to be desired. Flooring is still in the box in this room ...

... but that is nothing compared to the "tool room".

I feel overwhelmed and covered in dust. The dust is quite literally everywhere. I'm not sure if I may have to vacuum my bed before I call it a night. A cat covered in sawdust made his way under the my covers at one point today.

Others are doing all of this work for me. I am so very fortunate. Pay back time is coming though. Moving our dust laden belongings back upstairs will be a job unto itself. My job.

We've come a long way. We have a ways to go. But we are in the home stretch.

I'm feeling pretty weary now that I've showered off today's layer of dust. I must lay this weary head down upon my pillow. I hope it isn't covered in dust...

Renos from a Cat's Point of View

Our two black cats seem to be enjoying the adventure of Renos 2019.

First off, we have our love seat flipped upside down, on top of our couch. Thereby creating not only a very good rabbit watching spot in the living room ...

... but a most excellent cat den. Private, cozy and someplace new. Something every cat enjoys.

Thanks to the thin layer of dust that encompasses our home, we can follow the cat tracks and see what they have been up to in our absence.

It really was no surprise that they had been atop the flipped over love seat, but I laughed when I saw the very obvious cat tracks marking their way.

There is a layer of black underlay underneath the laminate. These tracks  have been preserved for all eternity:

Anyone doing an archaeological dig on the remnants of our home will find traces of our cats everywhere. Including cat tracks underneath our new laminate.

To be continued...

A Place of Dust

This is becoming "real" now. The Great Renovation of 2019 has invaded my personal sanctum. Today ... my bedroom became part of the construction zone.

No construction. Just stringing cable and wiring through the suspended ceiling in my room. The time to enter my zone of contentment arrived. To mark the occasion, a layer of ceiling dust and debris was sprinkled generously around my room.

Not that my room couldn't use a little dusting. But ...

I have now vacuumed the surface of my room, my bed, moved it back into its spot and it is my hope that I don't wake up covered with a layer of renovation dust.

Not that I haven't been wearing a little dust to bed all week. But ...

I'm just tired. 

I must rest my head upon my dusty pillow and rest up for the weekend ahead. 

It was still a very good day. Perhaps a small taste of what is to come. But a good day all in all.

P.S. Our kitchen cupboard paint color is called "A Place of Dust". Honestly, there could not be a more apt name for our home at the moment. I often wondered what I may call a Bed & Breakfast establishment if ever I owned one. "A Place of Dust" may have just hit the Top Five.

Bathroom Renovation

The season of spending on a little project I like to call Renos 2019 is starting to wind down to a close. There are a few final expenses to add to the total but I have a running estimate to give me an idea of the grand scheme of spending. 

Money goes pretty fast in this Land of Renovations. Even though I have done my best to reign in my wish list and keep it manageable, my savings account is taking a beating. 

We left the bathroom out of the Renovation Equation, thinking we would just see what expendable cash was left over after all was said and done.

My reno guy is very sensitive to my need to watch the spending doesn't get out of hand. Thus, when I told him the story about how we need a pair of pliers to turn on the shower because the knob kept falling off ...

Out with the old!

... we came home one night to find this practical and affordable solution:

In with the new!

He drilled a small hole in the shower puller outer thing and placed a small ring in it so we can ditch our pliers and just pull on this handy dandy little shower puller.

And that is about all we can afford to spend on our bathroom right about now. A practical solution to a decades long problem. This is something Dad would have done.

My reno guy watches his (my) spending at every turn and has made this renovation thus far as affordable as a full on main floor renovation could be.

Add my Second Son to the equation and he is finishing off where my reno guy will leave off. My son's ideas, attention to detail and awareness of the budget is another glimpse of Dad which has been brought into our home.

This renovation would have, could have and probably should have brought my stress levels to an all time high. But it hasn't.

Our home is in good and watchful hands. I feel the essence of Mom and Dad waft through this process. Mom would have enjoyed this. She always preferred "refurbishing an existing home" versus "buying something brand new". Dad would have given his nod of approval to the shower fix and I'm certain my son has already incorporated many of the ways Dad would have added his touch to our home's maintenance, now and all the ways he has done so in the past.

A week from now, things are going to be looking pretty good around here. I have enjoyed this process. Good things come to those who wait. Our home has waited a very long time for this. I can almost feel it smiling ... 

One Step Ahead, With an Eye on the Future

We are almost halfway through February. We are past the midpoint of winter. We have endured the shortest day and the added number of sunlight hours is starting to become noticeable.

This is the part of winter I normally find the hardest to endure. I'm tired of it all, ready to sit in a sunbeam and start thinking about spring.

This year however? Our winter is passing and I'm going with the flow of life with relative ease.

I have had a few other winters such as this. Once I was knee deep into a correspondence course; another time I took on collecting memories from Mom's family. This year, is the Winter of Home Renovations.

My thoughts are consumed with the transformation within our walls. I come home from work eager to check on the progress that happened in our absence. As I dust off the surfaces we will need to use the next morning, I marvel at all that is new and improved within these four walls.

I didn't jump into this renovation. I have thought, rethought and talked myself out of doing anything around here for years. I knew once the process was in motion, it would grow into something that would become larger than my weary mind (and budget) could process.

I was right. Our entire main floor (minus the bathroom, for the moment) is involved in this home makeover. I'm spending money like I haven't spent money before. My resources are being taxed to the max. I knew it would become "this". I'm so glad I waited. I wasn't ready before now.

I often think of Mom, as she always seemed to have ideas for her home. Whether it was a sun room, a counter top, flooring, a book shelf or simply painting the bathroom with a little leftover paint she already had on hand ... she seemed to have unlimited ideas of what she would like to update next.

She would often make a comment about it being nice to have new thoughts to think. Whether it was an update within her home, having company or even stepping out to the mall, she knew she needed to stop the cycle of thoughts and would look for a diversion to intercept her thinking.

It is most likely because I remember how Mom enjoyed finding ways to update and improve her home that I feel her so strongly within my thoughts as I walk this particular walk. She would definitely have opinions and I would have been easily swayed by her thoughts. I am finding myself very compliant with others' opinions. I know what I DO want (the rounded corners were a must and there have been some other things I knew without a doubt), but the kitchen sink, baseboards, light fixtures and all the fine tuning? I am glad to have input and opinions.

There have been so many thoughts to think and so many decisions to make. And it has all been easy. So easy. No regrets. Very little over-thinking. I have been preparing myself for this for years.

My thoughts have been consumed with new thoughts. I am envisioning what our new and improved home will look and feel like as the days lengthen and the sun starts shining into these renewed rooms.

Due to the fact that we don't use our three upstairs bedrooms, I have had the doors to these rooms closed for a very long time (to keep the cats and cat hair out of them). When the doors used to be open, the blinds were closed. Presently, all doors and blinds have been removed. A few mornings ago, as the sun was starting to shine I noticed light from down the hallway. I thought I had left a light on. It was the sun starting to rise and beaming through the room I would like to become know as my "sunny room".

Mom designated her "sun room" to me, meaning I should have the contents of that room. I laughed and said I'd just take the whole room. This planted a seed within me. I would love to have a sun room but it is purely impractical at this time. We have a home that has three empty bedrooms within it. The last thing we need is to add another room. Thus, I decided I would like to turn the room formerly known as "Mom's Room" into a "Sunny Room".

Yes, my head has been full of new and improved thoughts. So much lightness, so many fleeting thoughts of Mom and Dad ... so many thoughts that we are through the worst of winter and I have barely even noticed.

Time flies when you are focused on new thoughts, brighter horizons and looking one step beyond where you are right now. Looking too far ahead is too big, too tall and too scary. One step ahead is a very good place to go.

Exhaustion Speak

We have now have our newly painted, freshly updated and completely refreshed kitchen cupboards full and back in service.

I had to make a few small revisions to where things are but for the most part all is relatively unchanged.

I was telling my son the location of a few often used items:

"The yellow thing ... you use for straining macaroni ... is on the whirly thing that spins right beside where it used to be."

His response?

"You mean the colander is on the lazy Susan?"

When exhaustion speaks, one never knows what will come from one's mouth. I'd better just sit back and listen for a while.

Writing to Myself - A Letter I Found Two Years Early

I searched my blog for a good "Pringles" story to find a quote for a previous post and I came upon this letter to my 60 year old self. I wrote this when I was 55 years old. I am 58 years old now and I'm reading it two years before my 60 year old self was to find it. Two months after this was written, I set the wheels of change in motion. It has been a process that has led me to this very day.

SATURDAY, JUNE 4, 2016

Letter to Self (from a Sixty Year Old Me)

Dear Fifty Five Year Old You,

I am writing this letter to you four and a half years in advance of you turning sixty years old. I am writing it to you this morning because I'm a little disgusted and disappointed in "55 Year Old You" and I think you need a good talking to. This may not be pretty. You have been warned.

I am very disappointed in you lately. If I didn't know who you were and where you have been, I would call you a "quitter". Heavens, I can't even call you a quitter because lately you have been too afraid, paralyzed &/or lazy to even start anything.

I know, I know. Once you start, you feel committed. Once you feel committed to something, you start beating yourself up. Relentlessly. You think you can't start something because you don't have a whole big chunk of time to devote to the job. So you don't start anything.

This has got to end. You know that. You know the answer is to simply take small bites out of big jobs and whittle away at them. You know this! Why aren't you acting on it? I know, I know!  You are tired. Your daycare days are long. Your weekends are short. How can you do "big things" when you have so little left over at the end of the day?

If you keep this up, by the time you hit the age of sixty you will want to abandon this ship and this home you have created because there is always "too much to do". Isn't this home everything you ever wanted? Hasn't this house enabled you to work from home and adapted to whatever you wanted it to do for you? Hasn't the ability to pay "interest only" on your mortgage allowed you to pay your bills, live a comfortable life and given you more financial freedom than renting an apartment could ever afford you?

This house is so much more than a roof over your head. It sustains you. It shelters you from the harsh elements of life in so many ways more than the weather. Respect it, take care of it, pamper it a little from time to time and it will continue to be there for you. And please, please, please try to pay it off!

Speaking of houses, I have no idea why I started this rant about "where you are" and "where I want you to go" with the house. I should have started with this body that is going to carry us from Point A to Point B. If I think you've let the house that shelters us go to pot, what in the world do you think I think about the way you are treating our body? How in the world is this vessel going to weather stormy weather if you don't smarten up and take better care of it?

As it is with the house, it is with our body. Start small. Rome wasn't built in a day. Fifteen minutes isn't long. Start there. Fifteen minutes of extra curricular movement. Yes, I know you think your daycare life is keeping you from turning to stone. But it isn't challenging you. You need to stretch and move and lift and get your heart pumping faster. You know this. But you aren't doing anything about it.

Start with an early morning walk. Rain or shine or sleet or hail. Walk. Just walk! Remember how awesome you felt when you took on those early morning paper routes? Walking the streets of your neighborhood while "the world" slept? You marvelled at the Northern lights, the glistening snow, the sounds of silence and nature. You thought. The words flowed in and out and through you. You came home revitalized, energized and motivated. You loved that time. Skip the paper route, take on the walks. Start there. Add and change things up as you go along. But you must BEGIN. You must. Your life depends upon it.

While I'm at it, you must nourish yourself with good food. What you feed your body fuels your brain and your brain is acting starved lately. Give it some good, solid fuel to work with and you may be amazed that your ability to think, act decisively and "do hard things". This is half the work you thought it was when you were spending your life binge watching the Gilmore Girls on the couch, with a can of Pringles at your side. Replace the Pringles with almonds. Make good meals and you may be amazed that you may fuel the appetite of others. "If you make it they will come."

I've sat back and watched you wither yourself away into a shadow of who you are capable of being. You do not have to do great things at all times but you do need to follow your passions. When you deny yourself the ability to dream big and chase a few of those dreams you become small and your world becomes smaller. You know your world is shrinking. You think you like this feeling right now. I want you to look outside of your smallness and do uncomfortable things again. Invite people into your life.

You need to look out the window and let the world inside. You are lonely and you don't even know it. You think you don't have enough of yourself to spread out any thinner than you already are. You have been here before and you will be here again. Writing is where it is at for you. If you are too tired, too fearful and too stuck in your ruts, WRITE! Send emails, letters, cards and write little notes to those who have made an impact. Write! Write! Write! This is the way out of your small world. It is a beginning.

Judging by the dreams you have been having lately, you are feeling very aware of Mom's mortality. In some ways, you feel like you are "channelling Mom" in the ways you have slowed yourself down, felt overly attached to this house and subconsciously made your world such a small one. I think you are trying to understand exactly what she is feeling by mirroring her world within your own. STOP IT! Stop it right now!! Instead, focus on "who Mom was" when she was the age you are at right now.

When Mom was this age, she was faced with her new reality after Dad's heart attack. He never came home again. I think of Mom when she was going through that time and she was strong. She simply kept taking the next forward step during a time where she must have felt completely in limbo. We marvelled at how young Mom was at age 65 and all the memories her grandchildren had of their very untypical grandma. Yes, Mom was (and still is) a force to be reckoned with. Her family and her home were (and still are) everything to her. Yes, she has slowed down. Yes, her body is starting to wear out. No, she will not live forever. That scares you, doesn't it? Ya, me too.

We don't know what life is going to hand us in between "now" and "five years from now". You simply cannot spend your time focused on that uncertainty. Take the lessons you learned from "loving André" and pay them forward.

• SAVOR THE MOMENT. Always. 
• Make memories, document them. Take pictures, but write. ALWAYS WRITE!
• Let your love shine. Your actions speak louder than words. ACT LOVINGLY.
• Let others know how you feel. SPREAD THE POSITIVE. One positive word goes a long way. 
• You will never regret what you have done. DO ALL YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING.

You know where your passions lie. For you, it is writing. Write for yourself. Share what is worth sharing. Just keep writing.

You are at a crossroads right now. Your children are adults and on their way. Some are further down the road than others but never forget how you feel towards your own Mom because that feeling is one you want to nurture with  your own children. We have a good, solid foundation. Just keep building.

You have some amazing friendships and relationships within your world. Don't neglect them. Even when you think you don't have time, you can always make time to send off a note or card or email. Keep those connections alive. They nourish and sustain you.

Take a chance. One chance at a time. You have become a shell of who you used to be. You know it. You are disappointed in yourself right now but this is not the end of your story. Even though (at the moment) you wouldn't care if it was.

Yes, you are tired. You are tired because you are not involved in creating your own story. You are sitting dormant, waiting for life to happen. When "life happens" it is like a slap on the face. You react. You feel indignant. You recoil then rebound. You always rebound. How about not waiting for a "slap in the face" this time? You have the power to live life out loud without being slapped into it.

Feed your body, mind and soul with fresh air, good food and positive input.
Walk. START by walking.
Write. Never stop writing. It is where you find your answers, your inspiration and your dreams.
Love. Open your heart up and take a chance again.

I want to read these words in four and a half years and say "YES! YES!! and YES!!!". I did it. I made changes. I pushed myself out of that rut and into a new and improved one. Most of all I want you to believe "Life does go on regardless of how you live it. Live it well!"

See you in the future my weary friend. You have everything you need inside of you. And if it isn't inside of you, it is here within your home, your heart and those who touch your world. Stay connected, my friend. Stop, look, listen with your heart. You will find your way. You aren't lost. You just haven't found the right highway yet.

You will find your Field of Dreams, my friend. "If you build it, they will come" ...

To be continued.

The Unbecoming

Glennon Doyle says this: "Recovery is an unbecoming. My healing has been a peeling away of costume after costume until here I am, still and naked before God, stripped down to my real identity."

I say this: "Renovation is an unbecoming. Our home has been peeled away of layer after layer of past flooring and paint until here we are, stripped down to the bones and naked before us, stripped down to is original identity."

Demo day was yesterday. The main floor of our home has been stripped down to this:

Our cats have lost their "cat table" by the living room window ... but they are improvising

Our hallway is barren, as is the linen closet (note the new rounded corners!! I am quite excited about these)

The room formerly known as "Mom's room" awaits its new identity

This room has been my room, my two youngest sons' room (at two different times) and a spare room. What will it become next?

This has been our TV room and my room. In its "unbecoming", I am not certain of this room's fate

Our back entrance takes quite a beating - I can't wait for its fresh new look

Our kitchen has been in the process of "becoming" a new-to-us version of its old self. I love everything about it and cannot wait for its final reveal. It awaits grouting, flooring and a new light fixture over the table

And here our home stands, naked and awaiting a fresh coat of paint, new flooring, baseboards and doors.

Ever since I walked into this house, I have felt it was destined to become our home. Everything about it felt right. The location, the layout, the yard and the "feeling" I felt when I walked into this house had me sold. Throughout the years, the feeling has only grown stronger.

This house has housed us through raising my boys, in and out and through love, loss and everything in between, sixteen years of daycaring, two dogs and seven cats. If these walls could talk, they would have a lot to say.

Throughout it all (except for a short phase when I was frustrated at home ownership because it felt like I had another dependent child, without the income tax deduction), the knowledge this house was "meant to be ours" grew stronger with each passing year.

You can imagine my surprise and delight to find a "fix" a former renovator made while transitioning the front entrance flooring into the living room. In order to accommodate for the layer of linoleum which made the entrance a fraction of an inch higher than the living room floor, they MacGyvered a solution. They stapled a few layers of cardboard to the plywood in the living room to equal the height of the entrance. Guess what cardboard they used?

 A chip box! Me and chips go a long way back. We are still an item. I just laughed when we came upon a "chip box fix" built right into the floor we walk on every day.

The only thing we could have uncovered that defined me more than a box of Old Dutch chips, is if we had unveiled an empty can of Pringles.

In our home's "unbecoming" and revealing the layers of its past, I am "becoming" more of who I want to be. This is a good thing.

Demo Day

Today may be the day I lose my sense of peace as we undertake the Renovation of the Century here within our little world,

Today the flooring, baseboards, doors and door casings come off. Today, I lose the ability to vacuum up the day and lose myself in the evening and following morning with a sense of normalcy. Today, renos cross over into my weekend space.

I am feeling there was a reason for my Time of Stillness. It was to prepare me for the day renovations became my reality.

I am tired like I have not been tired for a very long time. I'm glad I stepped into this time of renovating fully rested and ready to take on the world.

I'm certainly going to enjoy sitting back and savoring the view after all is said and done.

Things, They Are A-Changing!

It is rather enjoyable to have something to look forward to the end of each work day. In our case, our work week has become a game of "I wonder what our Reno Guy has done today?!!"

Some people gain great satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment by doing all of their renovations themselves. I do not. I don't even apologize for it. I am who I am, and I am a person who (in a perfect world) would hand over my keys, leave instructions with someone who knew me well enough to act in my absence, take a holiday (this is the only time "taking a holiday" holds a great appeal to me) and come home when the renovations were fully complete, the house reassembled and a professional cleaner had dusted all the nooks and crannies and shone everything to perfection.

I'll take "second best". Second best to me, is leaving the house each morning to go to work (this is the only time "going to work" holds great appeal to me) and coming home to the day's renovations complete and tidied up.

It is like Christmas morning here, each and every day in and around 7:30 p.m.

The tedious parts of the kitchen work is complete. This is what we came home to, two nights ago:

New counter tops (the day prior); tiles and fully functional kitchen sink

I'm lovin' the look of our new sink! It totally fits in with our new decor (I just hope I can keep it this shiny)

And last night, we came home to this! 

Our cupboard doors, new hinges and latches complete the look. Doesn't this look totally awesome?!?!!

The great debate last night was whether to grout the tiles with white grout or colored (light grey). I took a vote and the majority sided with my decision to go "white". If it looks too white and bright, we can accessorize with some color. Any color! 

On today's agenda is grouting and painting I believe. 

Now the hard part begins.

Tomorrow is officially DEMO DAY. All carpets, baseboards, door casings and doors will go. We will be living in a construction zone for the next few weeks. 

First item on the agenda? Painting the entire main floor. Secondly? New flooring throughout. Last but not least? The finishing touches - baseboards, new doors/closet doors and door mouldings.

After that, I can only imagine the expenses which will occur as lighting, electrical outlets, cold air registers, blinds and such will beg to be updated. 

Then my work begins.

Moving back upstairs. Dusting off each and every item as I replace it back into its spot. Felt foot pads for the furniture. Worrying about nicking the paint or scratching the floor will become our new reality.

As we inch toward the end goal, I find myself thinking "Now I know how Mom must have felt when young children came to call in her house which was decorated to Mom's specifications." Hardwood floors, oak furniture and other items which must have caused Mom to cringe when leaving said children unattended. Most knew "Mom's rules" and abided by them without question.

Thought to ponder as I enter the world of a new-to-us kind of home: "Will I become my mother?"

Time will tell...